days of the blue bathrobe.

a little crazy reveal:

i love bathrobes. i've got four.
i choose which bathrobe to wear post-shower
according to my temperature － physical & emotional.

so the two i wear mostly during warm weather
are the same flowery, flowy, kimono style,
but one is aqua & orange & an array of other tropical colors,
while the other is a monochromatic arrangement of blues.

so when i'm feeling fabulous, i tend toward the tropics.
& when i'm feeling sub-fab, i tend toward the, um, blues.

recently, i noticed i've been choosing the bluesy one just about every day.

hmmm.

here we are, halfway through 2010,
& i feel like i've spent the decade to date
just not quite myself.

maybe questioning just who myself is, exactly.

feeling like a self-confessed control freak
with little control over, well, anything much.

my body. my money.
my time. my environment.
my relationships. my creativity.

feeling rather directionless.
mostly feeling terrifically tired.

is this mono?
menopause?
mild depression?
midlife crisis [whatever that is]?

no telling. only time does that, i guess.

i guess for now i'll just keep on

asking questions
listening for answers

being gentle
being grateful

getting up
getting out &
hoping to get to be about ... something

being okay with being wherever it is that i am
being okay with baby steps
being okay with being just okay

being okay with my
really quite beautiful
blue bathrobe.


image source: someone else's blue bathrobe by tamelyn @ flickr.com