god says yes.

i asked god if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
i asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
i asked her if i could wear nail polish
or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly
what you want to
thanks god i said
and is it even okay if i don't paragraph
my letters
sweetcakes god said
who knows where she picked that up
what i'm telling you is
yes yes yes

"god says yes to me" by kaylin haught.
from in the palm of your hand by steve kowit.

image source: lovely sparrow & co. @ etsy.com.

top five regrets of the dying.

australian writer & songwriter bronnie ware
spent several years caring for dying people
who had gone home to spend their final weeks of life.

bronnie questioned them about any regrets they had or
anything they would have done differently, & within their answers,
she discovered common themes emerging again and again.

bronnie's memoir chronicling how these regrets helped
change her life will be published march 20th.

here, from the top five regrets of the dying:
a life transformed by the dearly departing, are
the five most common life regrets:

1. i wish i'd had the courage to live a life true to myself,
not the life others expected of me.
the most common regret of all.
make choices that honor your dreams.
from the moment you lose your health, it's too late.
health offers a freedom frequently unappreciated until it's gone.

2. i wish i didn't work so hard.
every male patient had this regret,
& as more & more women become breadwinners,
i sadly suspect they will share it.
simplify your lifestyle & create more space in your life.

3. i wish i'd had the courage to express my feelings.
many people quashed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.
consequently, they settled for a mediocre existence,
& held onto lifelong resentment over it.
speak honestly, & it will either
make your relationship healthier or
release the unhealthy relationship from your life.

4. i wish i had stayed in touch with my friends.
many people had let golden friendships slip through the cracks
while they were caught up in their own busy lifestyles.
give friendships the time & energy they deserve.
at the end of life, all that remains is love & relationships.

5. i wish i had let myself be happier.
many people don't realize happiness is a choice.
they stay stuck in old patterns and habits,
pretending they're content because they're afraid of change.
don't let fear or familiarity hold you down.
this may well be your one & only opportunity to live a happy life.

concludes bronnie ware:
life is a choice.
it is your life.
choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.
choose happiness.


image source: windows7 wallpapers.

your best day.

the best day of your life is the one
on which you decide your life is your own.

no apologies or excuses.
no one to lean on, rely on or blame.

the gift of life is yours.

it is an amazing journey
& you alone are responsible
for the quality of it.


~ dan zadra ~


image source: david macdonald.

love over fear.

my dear friend & inspirator [i just made that up — & i like it!] renee trudeau
has just launched a challenge/movement/psa
that is so very appropos for what we all face, day in & day out . . .

natural disasters. manmade atrocities.
contempt in the name of politics. mockery in the name of religion.
economic uncertainties. everyday incivilities.

it's a lot to deal with.
so, how do you deal with it?

love? or fear?

quoth the wise & wonderful renee:

we always have a choice in how we interact with each other & how we see the world.

we can come from fear —
where we constrict, shut down & cut ourselves off from others,
or we can come from love —
where we expand, open up, connect with & trust others.

our daily interactions are a reflection
of where we choose to hang out & live in:
the house of fear or the house of love.

i choose love.

& that's what renee's challenge/movement/psa is all about.

encouraging us all to mindfully choose to come from
a place of love rather than a place of fear in our daily doings.

to choose love
in traffic
in line at the drive-through or grocery store
in high-pressure meetings
in temper tantrums at the mall
with our partners
with our parents
with our children
with ourselves.

that's right — choosing love isn't just about doing unto others.
it's about doing right by you, too.
because the more you show you some love,
the more you can show others the same love, kindness & compassion.

the more you can ease into the flow of life.
the more you can trust the universe is working for you.
the more you can feel there is more than enough for everyone.
the more you can have a soft & open heart. every day. all day long.

& who doesn't want some of that?
[i do! i do!]

so, how will you choose love today?

suggestions for starting:
:: read renee's challenge & faq's about it.
:: visit her live inside out community & share stories about it.
:: get an i choose love tee [at cost] & clearly wear your intention.


image source: reneetrudeau.com.

loving. hopeful. optimistic.

my friends, love is better than anger.

hope is better than fear.

optimism is better than despair.

so let us be loving, hopeful & optimistic.
& we will change the world.


~ jack layton ~


image source: typeposters @ etsy.com.

three little words.

& now, a word of inspiration from thomas dexter jakes, sr.,
chief pastor of a 30,000-member dallas-based
non-denominational megachurch,
& wise guy:

there are people who can walk away from you.

& hear me when i tell you this:
when people can walk away from you, let them walk.
i don’t want you to try to talk another person
into staying with you, loving you, calling you,
caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. 
i mean hang up the phone.

when people can walk away from you, let them walk.
your destiny is never tied to anybody who left.

people leave you because they are not joined to you.
& if they are not joined to you, then you can’t make them stay.

let them go.

& it doesn’t mean they are a bad person.
it just means their part in the story is over.
& you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over,
so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.
you’ve got to know when it’s dead.

you’ve got to know when it’s over.
let me tell you something.
i’ve got the gift of good-bye. i believe in good-bye.
it’s not that i’m hateful; it’s that i’m faithful,
& i know whatever god means for me to have, he’ll give it to me.
& if it takes too much sweat, then i don’t need it.
stop begging people to stay.

let them go!!

if you are holding onto something that doesn’t belong to you
& was never intended for your life, then you need to
let it go!!

if you are holding onto past hurts and pains,
let it go!!

if someone can’t treat you right, love you back & see your worth,
let it go!!

if someone has angered you,
let it go!!

if you are holding onto some thoughts of evil & revenge,
let it go!!

if you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction,
let it go!!

if you are holding onto a job that no longer meets your needs or talents,
let it go!!

if you have a bad attitude,
let it go!!

if you keep judging others to make yourself feel better,
let it go!!

if you are stuck in the past & god is trying to move you forward,
let it go!!

if you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship,
let it go!!

if you keep trying to help someone who won’t try to help themselves,
let it go!!

if you are feeling depressed and stressed,
let it go!!

if there is a particular situation you are so used to handling yourself
& god is saying ‘take your hands off of it,’
then you need to
let it go!!

let the past be the past.
forget the former things.
god is doing a new thing.
let it go!!

get right or get left,
think about it, & then
let it go!!

so, what are you ready to let go of today?


image source: new times.

a day ago.

i was adopted basically at birth.
i didn't know my birthmom until i was 25,
when she & my birthdad found me.

i had her in my life for only fifteen years.
she died abruptly three years ago
when she fell in her kitchen,
hitting her head on the tile floor.
she died of traumatic brain injury within three days.

she was extraordinary,
& not one day goes by i don't wish
that she were still here or
that i had made more of our time together.

i especially loved
her boundless generosity,
her amazing thoughtfulness
& her smokey laugh.

i used to be careful
to celebrate birthmother's day with her
[the saturday prior to mother's day sunday],
as actual mother's day belonged
to my real mom who brought me up.

i regret that now.

i regret it because
it is not a competition,
more family just means more love,
& both of these wonderful women
made huge sacrifices to help me become
who i am today.

so this mother's day,
along with honoring my real mom
with gifts & cards & calls,

i honored my birthmom
in my heart [& now, on this blog]
for everything she gave me.


love & miss you
yesterday, today & every day,
nana pat.


image source: big girl & nana pat, circa 2000, as photographed by me.

no numbing allowed.

ok, so the irony here is
i'm writing this while watching
a dvr'd episode of glee.

nevertheless, thanks to a online course i'm in,
i'm thinking about
activities that numb.

things we do that distract us
from the real stuff of life.

things like
google.
text.
tweet.
update status.
check email.
real housewives.
desperate housewives.
drive through.
caffeination.
tap apps.
shop-n-drop.
overschedule.

you get the idea.
& i bet you know the drill.
i know i do.

so i've begun to un-numb
one extremely important
slice of my life.

food.

full disclosure:
i tend to eat too much of
the wrong sort of food
for the wrong reasons.

i heart sweet stuff.
en masse.

i eat from boredom.
i eat for comfort.
i eat to settle myself down.
i eat to wake myself up.

wow － sounding a little like a pill-popper there.
yikes.

just plain hungry & just plain full －
not starving, not stuffed －
are feelings i have trouble identifying.

so. i've begun to un-numb around food.

i'm journaling everything i eat.
i'm drinking more water.
i'm eating less [normal portions].
i'm eating slower [savoring speed].

i'm doing none of the above perfectly.
i'm not sure i will ever do any of the above perfectly.
but i'm trying. & i'll keep on trying.

& i'm feeling better － lighter － already.
& lighter is good. & better is good.
& feeling is really, really good.

so, how are you wanting/willing/ready
to un-numb your life today?? do share.


image source: a smart mouth.

clear.

clear.

that's it.
that's my one little word for 2011.

clear.

i've been occasionally mulling it over,
& was just about to give up on the whole concept
for the year.

just skip it.

& just like that, tonight it emerged.
it came through, loud &, um,
clear.

like a bell.

like a countertop.

like a tall, cool glass of fresh water.

like a deep breath.

like an afternoon.

like an inbox.

like an intention.

so, what are you feeling clear about this 1.11.11?
or what are you wishing to be clear about?


image source: dream bora bora.

pink postscript.

i didn't want to lump a breast-cancer message
together with my latest, rather vitriolic post.

so here's my think pink item du jour:


breast cancer action, the self-proclaimed
"watchdog of the breast-cancer movement,"
wants you to beware of pinkwashers.


[pinkwasher: (pink’-wah-sher) noun.
a company that purports to care about breast cancer
by promoting a pink-ribboned product, but
that manufactures products linked to the disease.]


think before you pink™, a breast cancer action
program, launched in 2002 in response to
a growing concern about the booming pink-ribbon marketplace.


the campaign advocates for
more transparency & accountability by companies
participating in breast-cancer fundraising,
& more questioning & discernment by consumers
buying into pink-ribbon promotions.


seriously fascinating stuff.


click here for the five essential questions
you should ask before you purchase pink.




image source: usatoday.com

dream big.

i make no bones or secret about it:
i heart barack obama.

he is not unflawed. he is not infallible.
he does not have the magic wand we all wish someone had
to wave over the broken parts of our country
& fix it.

but he is smart. he is thoughtful.
he is compassionate. he is kind.
& he is trying. he is working hard
to make the broken parts better.

& man, he gives a hell of a speech.
inspirational. visionary. & seriously well-crafted.

a couple of weeks ago, he gave his annual
back-to-school speech to the students at
philadelphia's julia r. masterman middle-high school.

i read through it last night, & discovered words
of inspiration for not only my children,
but also for myself.

my favorite excerpts:

nobody gets to write your destiny but you.

your future is in your hands.

your life is what you make of it.

& nothing － absolutely nothing － is beyond your reach.

so long as your willing to dream big.

so long as you're willing to work hard.

so long as you're willing to stay focused.

you may wonder if some people

are just better at certain things.

& it's true that we each have our own gifts & talents

we need to discover & nurture.

but just because you're not the best at something today

doesn't mean you can't be tomorrow.

even if you don't think of yourself

as a math person or as a science person －

you can still excel in those subjects

if you're willing to make the effort.

& you may find out you have talents

you'd never dreamed of.

excelling in school or in life isn't mainly

about being smarter than everybody else.

it's about working harder than everybody else.

don't avoid new challenges －

seek them out, step out of your comfort zone, &

don't be afraid to ask for help;

your teachers & family are there to guide you.

don't feel discouraged or give up

if you don't succeed at something － try it again

& learn from your mistakes.

don't feel threatened if your friends are doing well;

be proud of them, & see what lessons

you can draw from what they're doing right.

life is precious, & part of its

beauty lies in its diversity.

we shouldn't be embarrassed by

the things that make us different.

we should be proud of them.

because it's the things that make us different

that make us who we are.

& the strength & character of this country

have always come from our ability

to recognize ourselves in one another,

no matter who we are,

or where we come from,

what we look like,

or what abilities or disabilities we have.

yes, we need to work hard.

yes, we need to take responsibility for our own education.

yes, we need to take responsibility for our own lives.

but what makes us who we are is that

here, in this country, we not only

reach for our own dreams,

we help others do the same.

this is a country that gives

all its daughters & all its sons

a fair chance.

a chance to make the most of their lives.

a chance to fulfill their god-given potential.

thanks, mr. president, for the pep talk.
middle-school or middle-age,
we all need one now & then.

p.s. i heart you.


click here for the full text of president obama's 2010 back-to-school speech.


image source: kelly rae roberts.

four simple goals.

inspiring idea today from
elsie flannigan's a beautiful mess blog . . .

with one-third of the year left to go, establish
four simple goals to aim for before 2011.

elsie's "rules" for the 4sg:

1. choose simple goals that will make your life richer & happier on a daily basis. choose things you might not otherwise get done, but which aren't difficult to achieve.

2. don't choose result-oriented goals; choose activity-oriented goals. for example, rather than "lose ten pounds," choose something like "eat fresh fruits and vegetables every day." see what i'm saying? positive actions rather than just end result!

3. choose goals that are personal, that you believe will truly make your life richer just by doing them! they can be daily, weekly or one-time experiences.

4. choose a reward for every goal as you achieve it! it can be a small or large reward.

ok, so my four are:

1. drink a pitcher of water every day.
2. get outside － a half-hour or more five days a week.
3. do yoga － @ home with video or a class, one or more times a week.
4. put creative time on the calendar － & honor it!!

how about you? what are your four simple goals for the rest of 2010?
let's share & cheer & celebrate each others' good intentions & successes!!


image source: isavo.com

cleanliness: next to ... ??

it seems to me my blog posts for july have been rather self-indulgent.
but, hey － it's a blog. self-indulgence is the nature of the beast, yes?

& july is my birthmonth, so i tend toward hyper-reflectiveness [oooo, shiny!],
pondering just where i am, how i am, who i am,
etc.
as another number clicks by.

but, before july is over, i'd like to offer a little insight
into a challenge all of us face at one time or another:

housekeeping.

recently read a whole living article
about making peace with the daily drudge of cleaning.

some thought-provoking thoughts on
taking a different approach to
scrubbing toilets, washing dishes, folding laundry,
[these are a few of my unfavoritest things] etc.

"what if i were able to slow down & treat housework as if it mattered? i'm thinking of that zen proverb: 'before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. after enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.' the idea is that we should find meaning in ordinary tasks, because true clarity is fleeting enough － & when it's over, somebody still has to clean the crisper.

"'there is no meaning in chores. the expectation of meaning is what robs life of greater meaning. ... when we expect things to be more than they are, or when we value them as less than they are, that keeps us at arm's length from our own life,' [author karen maezen] miller says. 'when we're really present in every moment, even when we're vacuuming, we can begin to chip away at the feeling of inadequacy. and little by little, our lives are transformed. ... here's the magic soap,' she says. 'your own attention is what spiritualizes things. attention to the meal you cook, the clothes you wash. attention is love. and that's transformative.'

"i'll never love it, but i can say this: cleaning changes things. so much in life is uncertain － you take vitamins & get sick, love people who disappoint you, pour your heart into a job & lose it at the end of the fiscal year. but if you take a rag to a piece of soap scum, it will go away. from that point of view － the pure continuum of cause & effect － cleaning stops seeming futile."

& begins to seem － dare i type it? － spiritual?


image source: wholeliving.com

what's your basket look like today??

by colleen wainwright,
the communicatrix.

Everyone has her basket.

And in that basket
are all the things
a body gets
in a lifetime:

The long legs
the natural grace

The way with words
or people
or numbers
or animals

The force field that makes money
or love
or ideas
or children
come to them first

The gene soup
that makes eyes blue
stomachs sturdy
loins fruitful
brains prodigious

Even the luck —
the ponies
the Kojak parking
the pair of pants on sale
or the person of their dreams available
at the exact moment
where need and want meet —
even that
is in the basket.

There will be days
when you look down at your basket and marvel
at the wonderful
wonderful
things inside

And there will be days
when you cannot bring yourself to look
at all
or rather
where the only place you can look
is at the basket next to you
and with longing.

But every day
someone is looking at your basket
with longing

Every day
someone would trade baskets with yours
sight unseen

I have been
in all of those places
and mostly
I am grateful
for the grace
that forgave my foolishness

This is my basket
to carry
and uncover
layer by layer
day by day
year by year

And sometimes
story by story.

May your basket overflow
with beautiful things
of incomparable joy
and wonder

And when it does not
may you be visited
by the same grace that sat down beside me
to show me the beauty
and the joy
and the wonder
I could not see

image source: three little monkeys photography @ flickr.com

na wahine.

got a nifty little gift book
during our aloha adventure.

na wahine [the women]:
hawaiian proverbs & inspirational quotes
celebrating women in hawaii.

here's my favorite tidbit from it today:

nana no a ka 'ulu i paki kepau.
look for the gummy breadfruit.

[advice for a young woman:
look for a man who has substance, like gummy breadfruit,

it is a sign of maturity.]

a little background on breadfruit
from islandbreath.com:

the hawaiian ulu, or breadfruit (artocarpu altilis),
is a fast-growing tropical tree in the fig family,
which can grow to 80 feet tall.

the leaves are beautiful: large, deep green & deeply lobed.

the fruit is round & light green,
about the size of a honeydew melon,
& can weigh up to ten pounds.

milky, gummy sap begins to leak from the ripe fruit.

the fruit is starchy, & tastes a little like potato
or freshly baked bread when cooked,

thence the name breadfruit.


image source: colleeninhawaii @ flickr.com

days of the blue bathrobe.

a little crazy reveal:

i love bathrobes. i've got four.
i choose which bathrobe to wear post-shower
according to my temperature － physical & emotional.

so the two i wear mostly during warm weather
are the same flowery, flowy, kimono style,
but one is aqua & orange & an array of other tropical colors,
while the other is a monochromatic arrangement of blues.

so when i'm feeling fabulous, i tend toward the tropics.
& when i'm feeling sub-fab, i tend toward the, um, blues.

recently, i noticed i've been choosing the bluesy one just about every day.

hmmm.

here we are, halfway through 2010,
& i feel like i've spent the decade to date
just not quite myself.

maybe questioning just who myself is, exactly.

feeling like a self-confessed control freak
with little control over, well, anything much.

my body. my money.
my time. my environment.
my relationships. my creativity.

feeling rather directionless.
mostly feeling terrifically tired.

is this mono?
menopause?
mild depression?
midlife crisis [whatever that is]?

no telling. only time does that, i guess.

i guess for now i'll just keep on

asking questions
listening for answers

being gentle
being grateful

getting up
getting out &
hoping to get to be about ... something

being okay with being wherever it is that i am
being okay with baby steps
being okay with being just okay

being okay with my
really quite beautiful
blue bathrobe.


image source: someone else's blue bathrobe by tamelyn @ flickr.com

a.m. alarm.

awoke saturday morning to sobbing little boy.

big blowup with his big sister.
"i don't feel like i can live at our house anymore."

of course, he called her stupid first.
& drew a picture of her as half-her, half-monster.

she called him stupid second.
& told him his was evil.

he said she messed with his stuff.
she said he threw his stuff at her.

hurt feelings spilled all over the place.
self-righteousness smeared everywhere.

& here i was wondering how to spend my saturday.

off to print "ten things i love about my sibling" lists
for them to complete at breakfast.

so they can redirect their disgust with one another
at mom. common enemy is a proven connector.

just another day, taking one for the team. ;)

image source: foros de foroche

76?? looks like seventy-sexy to me.

i confess: i'm not a huge stephen colbert watcher.
but i am a huge salon.com reader.
& i think gloria steinem is the bomb.

so yesterday, salon writer tracy clark-flory posted a little something about gloria steinem's recent visit to "the colbert report."

here's the part of the post that got me to watch the video:

as for feminism's supposed triumph over men, colbert asked: "are you happy that women have won?" steinem shot back with obvious amusement: "the idea was never victory and defeat. the whole idea was, you should pardon the expression, equality － that we're actual human beings & that was it. i know it sounds radical, but that was it."

& here's the video － it's an extremely entertaining exchange, well worth the watch-time, even if just for the shock & awe that is ms. steinem @ 76yo.

she's still the bomb.
& still a bombshell, apparently.

enjoy:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Gloria Steinem
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Fox News

image source: letsrollforums.com

mantras to declutter by.

maybe you've heard tell of lorie marrero,
our own austin-based professional organizer
who has hit the big-time with her brainchild,
the clutter diet.

she's terrific － visit her website here, her blog here & her twitter page here.

recently, lorie posted about "the organized mindset: 7 fundamental beliefs that can change everything."

being a person who's forever interested in enhancing organization in my rather full life, i read the post.

& let me tell you, it's about way more than decluttering.

lorie says these key beliefs can up your quality of life, & i believe her.

i, for one, intend to write one down on an index card every month for the rest of the year, tape it up on my bathroom mirror, & repeat it daily as a mantra to myself.

i strongly urge to you dive into this wise woman's deep pool of online info.
here's just a toe-dip － the seven aforementioned beliefs:

1. It’s okay to let go. I cannot own everything, do everything, or know everything. I will be okay letting go of some things, some activities, and some knowledge. I have an abundant life, and I have Enough with a capital “E.” I have to give up some things to gain others.

2. It’s okay if things are not perfect. I can relax into life and focus on what is most important to me. I am clear on what really matters, and “Good Enough” is really good enough.

3. It’s okay for me to place a high value on my time. Time is absolutely my most valuable resource. I am the only one who gets to ultimately decide how to spend it, and it’s okay to be very selective and discerning. Sometimes time is worth more than money.

4. It’s okay to make mistakes. I make the best decisions I can at the time with the information I have. I will move forward with my decisions and reduce the time I spend questioning them. Mistakes help me learn beneficial lessons.

5. It’s okay to want the best for myself. I am fully responsible for my own life experience. I treat myself kindly, and I want to constantly improve myself, my life, my surroundings, and my relationships. Sometimes this means saying goodbye to things, people, activities, interests, and commitments that are no longer serving me.

6. It’s okay if I don’t have all of the answers. I am strong and capable and can figure things out. I value learning and am a resourceful person, and I am open to being wrong.

7. It’s okay that I am not good at everything. I am good at many things but not all. I can focus on my strengths and ask for help to allow others to use their strengths on my behalf.

thank you, ms. marrero!! :)


image source: photo not of lorie marrero, but by brene brown for tracey clark's i am enough self-kindness collaborative

if you want to wear leg warmers, wear leg warmers.

i just can't get enough of kelly corrigan [author of the middle place & her latest, lift].

what a woman. what a writer.
and what a lister.

being a woman, writer & lister my own self, she sure gives me a level of creativity & inspiration to aspire to.

hell, she gives me a level of living to aspire to.
dare me. watch this:



oh, honey, who's looking at you??