big finish.

performance poet jesse parent,
addressing his namesake issue – parenting – particularly of a daughter,
at the 2013 salt city slam team selection finals.

watch it all the way through – the punchline really delivers.

call me point b.

if i should have a daughter, instead of “mom,” she’s going to call me, “point b.”
because that way, she knows that no matter what happens,
at least she can always find her way to me.

& i’m going to paint the solar systems on the backs of her hands, so she has to learn
the entire universe before she can say, “oh, i know that like the back of my hand.”
& she’s going to learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face,
wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach.
but getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs
how much they like the taste of air.

there is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by bandaids or poetry,
so the first time she realizes that wonder woman isn’t coming,
i’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself.
because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers,
your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal.
believe me, i’ve tried.

“and baby,” i’ll tell her, “don’t keep your nose up in the air like that.
i know that trick. i’ve done it a million times. you’re just smelling for smoke
so you can follow the trail back to a burning house, so you can find the boy
who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. or else, find the boy
who lit the fire in the first place, to see if you can change him.”
but i know she will anyway, so instead, i’ll always keep an extra supply
of chocolate & rainboots nearby.
because there’s no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix.

okay, there’s a few heartbreaks that chocolate can’t fix.
but that’s what the rainboots are for. because rain will wash away everything if you let it.

i want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat.
to look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind.
because that’s the way my mom taught me. that there’ll be days like this,
“there’ll be days like this,” my mama said.
when you open your hands to catch & wind up with only blisters & bruises.
when you step out of the phone booth & try to fly,
& the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape.
when your boots will fill with rain, & you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment,
& those are the very days you have all the more reason to say, “thank you.”
because there’s nothing more beautiful
than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline,
no matter how many times it’s sent away.

you will put the “wind” in “winsome… lose some.”
you will put the “star” in “starting over… & over…”
& no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute,
be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.

& yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting, i am pretty damn naive.
but i want her to know that this world is made out of sugar.
it can crumble so easily, but don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out & taste it.

“baby,” i’ll tell her, “remember, your mama is a worrier, & your papa is a warrior,
& you are the girl with small hands & big eyes who never stops asking for more.
remember that good things come in threes, & so do bad things,
& always apologize when you’ve done something wrong.
but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.
your voice is small, but don’t ever stop singing.
& when they finally hand you heartache, when they slip war & hatred under your door
& offer you handouts on street corners of cynicism & defeat,
you tell them that they really
ought to meet your mother.”


sarah kay is a spoken word poet – half-japanese, half-jewish, all new york. & 100% amazing.

this performance was the opener of her talk at the 2011 ted conference.
click here for the whole talk
[it's only about 20 minutes & includes another poem performance.]

love this photobomber.

our big boy turned eleven a couple of weeks ago.
i was sure i wanted to blog about it,
but i wasn't sure what i wanted to say.

then, a couple of days ago, a fellow blogger inspired me.
she posted about one of her sons, who has adhd
along with one of the world's biggest hearts.
she closed with this:

sometimes it is necessary to diagnose & label
in an effort to explain & understand limitations
in each other as we make our way through life.

but it is far more important
to see into each others' hearts &
to appreciate the gifts & strengths we possess
to connect with & improve our world.

& that is what i want to make sure my tween boy knows.

that no matter how much he struggles with math –
or whatever other academic challenges might pop up –
his success [or lack thereof] with
prime numbers or probability or word problems

means nothing

compared to his success at kindness, helpfulness, friendship,
creativity, compassion, gratitude, joy, self-care,
love & wholeheartedness. & he is
already wildly successful at all of those.

being a good student – that is, a student who does his best
& who doesn't give up [just keep swimming!!] – is important.
but not as important as being a good human.

& at age eleven, our boy is already an unqualified success at that.

real-world princesses.

as a final frozen followup & in celebration of international women's day today,
i offer a sampling of award-winning artist david trumble's prototype
for disney's "world of women" collection:

ten real-world princesses who sparkle all on their own:

equality princess rosa parks.

jungle princess jane goodall.

trailblazer princess gloria steinem.

princess 2016 hillary clinton.

defiant princess malala yousafzai.

to view the rest of the potential collection, just click here.

i definitely think i'd begin my collection with the defiant princess malala ...
which one is your favorite? & what other women do you believe belong in this collection?

let it go? no way, sister.

just some posts to sing the praises of disney's now academy-award-winning frozen.

we loved this movie.

even my cynical 14yo daughter –
who, along with me, was extremely disappointed with the much-hyped brave
[our favorite thing about that movie was merida's hair] –
even she loved this movie.
like, fist-pumping, that-was-awesome kind of movie-love.

& it wasn't just the amazing songwriting,
or the broadway powerhouses behind the voices,
or the romantical plot twist we actually didn't see coming,
or kristen bell [whom we love for her obsession with sloths & correct name spelling],
or elsa's hair, which gave merida's auburn curls some serious competition.

it was all of that – & something more. much more.

josh gad, who voices olaf the hilariously endearing snowman,
encapsulated frozen's appeal beautifully:
"in frozen, the idea of true love is explored
through the arc of a relationship between siblings,
& siblinghood is something that resonates in a deeply profound way."

"frozen is not about the prince & princess for once,"
echoed fellow mom-with-daughters emma chaney to buzzfeed.
"it's not a traditional story between a man & a woman;
it's the sisters who represent true love at the end,
& that's an excellent message for my girls."

amen, sister. amen.

frozen is coming out on dvd march 18th.
we. can't. wait.

yahoo! maternity leave.

two months ago, yahoo! ceo marissa mayer
banned telecommuting at her company,
a move broadly perceived as anti-family,
as it eliminated much of the scheduling flexibility
that helps working parents — especially moms, of course –
succeed at both working & parenting.

today, ms. mayer has extended her company's maternity policy
to offer new moms 16 weeks of paid leave & new dads 8 weeks,
a move being touted as pro-family [fair enough] & which just about doubles
the amount of leave yahoo! employees have been getting.

http://www.takepart.com/article/2012/02/28/infographic-americas-moms-deserve-better

but.

the new yahoo! policy still isn't up to snuff with other silicon-valley competitors,
like facebook, which offers new moms four months of paid maternity leave
plus a $4k baby bonus [yahoo! provides $500 of baby money for 5+-year workers],
& google, which offers new moms 22 weeks of paid maternity leave.
& both offer the same benefits to same-sex couples.

on the other hand, microsoft gives new moms only 10 weeks of paid maternity leave,
& all of these firms waaay outpace most american companies,
which are mandated by the federal family & medical leave act to give only
17 weeks of UNpaid leave – & naturally, many new parents can't afford to take that.

http://womenandtech.com/infographic-paid-maternity-leave

america's lack of universal paid leave for new mothers
makes us one of only three countries not to offer it –
while 178 nations worldwide offer new moms paid maternity leave,
only swaziland, papua-new guinea & the u.s. don't.

according to working mother, only about half of all american first-time moms
get any paid leave at all. only about 20% of working moms get any leave with full pay.
& from 1998 to 2008, the percent of u.s. companies offering fully paid
maternity leave fell from 27% to 16%. so, it's getting worse, not better.

http://www.sodahead.com/living/public-opinion-supports-paid-maternity-leave-infographic/question-2295181

working mother is partnering with the national partnership for women & families
to make paid parental–maternity & paternity–leave universally available to u.s. workers
by 2015. click here to sign their online petition.

a storyteller worth remembering.

e.l. konigsburg
was the author of one of my all-time favorite childhood books,
from the mixed-up files of mrs. basil e. frankweiler.

i tried reading it aloud to my daughter
when she was younger, but she wasn't into it
[much to my disappointment].
luckily, her younger brother was;
i just finished reading it to him a week ago.

& now e.l. konigsburg is gone.

the children's author & illustrator,
the only author to have won the american library association's
john newbery medal for distinguished children's literature
& been the runner-up the same year [1968],
died friday, april 19th, due to complications from a stroke.

she was 83yo.

elaine lobl [which is what e.l. stood for]
was born in 1930 in manhattan, the second of three children
in a modest, hard-working, blue-collar family.
elaine graduated as valedictorian of her pennsylvania high-school class,
& began working to save toward her eventual college studies.

while working as a bookkeeper in a local meatpacking plant,
elaine met david konigsburg, the owner's brother.
they married in 1952. elaine earned her chemistry degree
at carnegie institute of technology [the first person
in her family to do so], david completed his doctorate
in psychology at the university of pittsburgh, &
the couple moved to jacksonville, florida to start their family.

once her children, paul, laurie & ross, went to school,
elaine lobl konigsburg began writing.

her first book, jennifer, hecate, macbeth, william mckinley
and me, elizabeth, earned the 1968 newbery honors as the runner-up to
her second book, from the mixed-up files.
from the mixed-up files was inspired by her children's gripes
about a picnic with abundant amenities of home; e.l. inferred
if the children ever ran away, they would never consider
going anywhere less elegant than the metropolitan museum of art.

e.l. won the newbery medal again 29 years later, in 1997,
for the view from saturday, making her one of only five authors
to win two newberys, & the author with the longest period between awards.

e.l. also wrote two finalists for the national book award
in children's categories: in 1974, the historical novel
a proud taste for scarlet and miniver; & in 1980,
the short-story collection throwing shadows.
in the 1990s, she authored & illustrated three picture books
featuring her own grandchildren.

e.l. konigsburg's writing was known for its wit,
outsider perspective, & plotlines venturing fearlessly into
unfamiliar epochs, fantastic scenarios & nightmarish situations.

children's books, she once said, are "the key to
the accumulated wisdom, wit , gossip, truth,
myth, history, philosophy, & recipes for salting potatoes
during the past 6,000 years of civilization."

e.l. lost her husband in 2001, so she leaves behind
her three children & five grandchildren,
& many generations of grateful young readers.

claire mysko wrote a lovely posthumous piece celebrating
e.l. konigsburg & my favorite book of hers:
"10 life lessons from the book
from the mixed-up files of mrs. basil e. frankweiler;"
my favorite life lesson:

yes, you are brilliant. take the compliment.
it always struck me that claudia
totally got what made her amazing.
she owned it.
the girl really, truly liked herself.
& that made me really, truly like her.
at a time when so many of us agonize over insecurities
& shy away from taking credit for our abilities,
claudia's self-assurance is a reminder that
we should all step up & claim our bragging rights.

thank you, e.l. konigsburg, for stepping up
& owning your potential, & creating wonderful ways
to urge us to do the same.


image source: metmuseum.org.

hooray, renée!

my dear friend renée trudeau
— life coach, author & balance facilitator —
has done it again.

her newly released book, nurturing the soul of your family:
10 ways to reconnect & find peace in everyday life,
clearly lights ten paths to experiencing greater ease,
flow & harmony amidst the daily navigation of
stressful commutes, homework squabbles, hurried mealtimes &
other challenges so many of us face as modern parents.

tomorrow, in conjunction with & celebration of
the first day of spring, renée is hosting a
book-release party like none other, a
"rejuvenating, joyful & connective evening of self-renewal,
storytelling, exercises & creative play"
based upon the book's themes.

here are the deets:
wednesday, march 20th, 6-9p
mercury hall @ 615 cardinal lane
austin, texas
tix will be $45 at the door

for the price of admission, participants get:
:: a two-hour self-renewal retreat led by renée;
:: wine + bevs with culinary delights by spoon & co. catering;
:: a private house concert by austin singer-songwriter tricia mitchell; &
:: an autographed copy of renée's new book.

a portion of the event's profits will go to benefit
the children in nature collaborative of austin.

for more info about the event —
which is sure to be both amazing & inspirational,
just like my dear friend renée —
click here.


image source: belief network.

boy-girl parties & tea-party parents.

i honestly didn't expect it,
but middle-age is hitting me kind of hard.

since turning 45yo last summer,
i've begun both peri-menopause & antidepressants,
i'm preparing for my oldest to begin high school [whaaaaaaaaaaaaa???],
& now, my youngest is ending his single-digit years.

yep. big boy's turning ten.

it's bringing me down, man. bumming me out, dude.
making me nostalgic, somewhat melancholy & a little weepy.
& i don't think it's the hormones. this time.

i am sad about the looming finiteness of our four-family togetherness.
i am sad about the loss of actual children around our house.
i'm worried about what the tween/teen years hold for both of our kids.

& i am sad about the growing gap between me & my parents.

how are these things related, as it were?

well, our boy is special. every child is special, of course,
but our boy likes girl stuff. always has. & always will, i reckon.

he prefers imaginative play over physical play.
he befriends mostly girls, & all of his very best friends have been girls.
he prefers girl characters, girl names, & toys & books marketed for girls.
& all of this has been true since he was a toddler.

at this point, we don't know what this means for his identity.
it might mean he's gay. it might mean he's transgender.
it might mean he's a straight boy who likes girl stuff.

but in our current culture, one thing it will surely mean is
he's going to get shit because of it. maybe a little, maybe a whole goddamn lot,
but he will be questioned & mocked & probably humiliated
& hurt emotionally & maybe even physically because of it.

so, as his mama, my mantra is: this house, this family must always be
where he can come & be utterly himself & be wholly accepted
& completely loved. period. no qualifications. no ifs, ands, buts, etc.

so, we threw him a dora-themed birthday party
when he turned three & again when he turned four.
we bought him the ariel nightgown he loved so much at disney world.
we sent him to fashion camp the past two summers.

we also get him plenty of building toys & puzzles &
animal-themed things, because he likes them, too.
we facilitate playdates with his close friends, boys & girls alike.
we talk about how different people like different things,
& how that's ok, because everybody's different.

last year, we threw him a monster high-themed birthday
party, & we're doing it again this year.
but in our family, ten is the magical age at which
you're permitted to have a slumber party.
so naturally, he wants to have one.

with five of his very best friends. who all happen to be girls.

he has been talking about it excitedly since october.
& i've been fretting about it slightly since october.

i fretted about the appropriateness of a 9-10yo boy-girl sleepover.
but then i realized that was my conservative upbringing talking,
that i knew there was exactly 0% inappropriate about our boy
& his girl friends & their feelings/intentions toward each other.

so then i fretted nobody would show, no other parents would
permit their girls to come for fear of inappropriateness.
& i fretted about the heartbreaking disappointment our boy
would experience if that happened.

but i can't control how other people parent their children,
only how i choose to parent mine.

so i sent an invitation via email to the moms
of the five girls. & toward the bottom, i noted
that ours will be the only boy at the party,
that the kids will be sleeping in an open playroom
next to our master bedroom, & that parental eyes & ears
will be alert to them at all times.

& all five moms have rsvp'd with an enthusiastic yes!
[one girl might not spend the night, as she's wary of sleeping away from home,
but she's coming to the evening portion of the party.]

no questions, no concerns, no worries.
because they know us, & more importantly, they know our son,
& their daughters love him, so they do, too.

my mother, on the other hand, was appalled
we're hosting such a mixed-company soiree.
not that i really expected a different reaction.
hoped for, maybe, but not expected.

these are the same grandparents who won't give him
the gifts he wants most for christmas or birthdays
if they're marketed for girls. i must identify
clearly gender-neutral items for them to buy.

they are the same grandparents who think
homosexuality is a choice made against god &
who actively oppose equal rights for the lgbt community.

& they are the same grandparents who believe
our children are already going to hell because
we didn't have them baptized in the church.

none of which is to imply they don't love our kids.
they act extremely lovingly toward them,
they're generous & kind & playful,
& the kids love spending time with them.

& from their perspective, i'm sure their negative judgment
of our parenting choices comes from a place of love,
of wanting what's best for teen girl & big boy . . .
& of not feeling what we're doing is that.

hence, the growing gap between us.

when you're making choices as a mom, & you had good parents yourself,
it's only natural to go to them for their thoughts,
to talk situations through with them, & gather their
experience & wisdom as you weigh your options.

more & more, i feel like i can't do that with my parents.

likewise, it's only natural to want their thumbs-up,
their good-parenting seal of approval
on the choices you make as a mom, especially the hard ones,
to let you know they're behind you & believe in you as a good mom.

more & more, i feel like i won't get that from them.

what they don't understand is that their disapproval won't deter me
from doing what i know in my mama-heart is right for my children.
all it does is make me not want to share it with them.

& that makes me sad.

the last thing i want during their final years [dad's 80yo; mom's 79yo]
is for us to grow further apart, rather than closer together.

i've got a friend who wonders why i tell them about stuff
they're sure to react negatively to? just don't say anything, she advises.

but if i can't be who i am & my son can't be who he is
in order to keep the peace, as it were,
then that makes me sad, too. & inauthentic, which is
the exact opposite of what i want to model for my son.

& there's the aha moment, the lesson i'm learning from my sweet boy daily:

how to keep giving him unconditional love, acceptance & support
as i struggle with not getting the same from my parents
now that i've been brave enough to show them who i really am.

an open-hearted, open-minded, unapologetic yellow-dog-liberal feminist,
working to become my best self, to choose love over fear, to nurture connection,
who believes we are all children of god & should treat each other as such.

& who will do whatever's necessary to make sure my children have
whatever they need from me to realize their potential & fulfill their purpose,
as that is definitely part of mine.

period. no qualifications. end of story.



image source: me & big boy, ca. 2003.

one million hearts.

tomorrow is valentine's day.
it's also the two-month anniversary of the tragic shooting /
mass murder at connecticut's sandy hook elementary.

a group called sandy hook promise
wants all americans to keep the community of newtown
on our minds & in our hearts.

& to let them know we've got them
by sending them one million hearts,
via sharing a valentine ala interwebs.

click here to choose & share your heart with newtown now.

sandy hook promise is a nonprofit organization
created by newtown community members
in response to the senseless gunning down of
20 children, 4 classroom teachers & 2 school administrators.

the group's mission is to support the victims' families, the survivors,
first responders, school teachers & staff, & the whole community of newtown
by providing financial & service support & help however possible,
for as long as it takes for each individual to heal.

"we are committed to making newtown be remembered
as the place where we came together, both as a community & as a nation,
& decided we must do everything we can to prevent
tragedies like this from happening again."

you can help by signing the sandy hook promise here:

i promise to honor the 26 lives lost at sandy hook elementary school,
& do everything i can to encourage & support commonsense solutions
that make our community & country safer from similar acts of violence.

& liking the sandy hook promise facebook page here.

but if nothing else, then please, just share a heart today.
let them know our hearts are still with them.


image source: share 1million hearts.

malala goes on.

last october, a taliban terrorist
boarded 15yo malala yousafzai's pakistani schoolbus
& shot her in the head
because she spoke publicly about
the right of all children — girls
included — to an education.

malala survived.

& now, she is following through with
her project to create an organization
to get girls worldwide out of domestic labor & into school.

the malala fund has been established
on behalf of malala & her family, &
is working together with supporters —
including the united nations foundation —
to realize malala's vision of education & empowerment
for all girls everywhere.

here's malala her own amazing self, talking about it:



the first grant of the malala fund will provide
a safe educational space for pakistani girls,
resources for a positive learning environment
& an incentive program for families.
following a needs evaluation & final design,
the project is expected to be up & running this spring.

malala survives, she thrives & she continues to give.
you want to give like malala? no gunshot headwound necessary.
just click here.


image source: the malala fund.

go, gabby, go.

thank you for inviting me here today.

this is an important conversation
for our children,
for our communities,
for democrats & republicans.

speaking is difficult,
but i need to say something important.

violence is a big problem.
too many children are dying.
too many children.

we must do something.
it will be hard,
but the time is now.

you must act.
be bold.
be courageous.

americans are counting on you.


80-word testimony before the
u.s. senate judiciary committee on gun violence
by gabrielle giffords,
former u.s. house representative [d-az]
& survivor of a gunshot to the head [2011].

image sources: larry downing, reuters; americans for responsible solutions facebook page.

revamping the crown.

my favorite headline of 12.4.2012: kate expectations.

yea, verily, the duke & duchess of cambridge are with child.
& it has been confirmed it is only one child & it is due in july.
it has not been confirmed what sex said child is believed to be.

but, regardless of blue-ocity or pink-ishness,
prince william + kate middleton's firstborn will be great britain's future monarch,
thanks to primogeniture recently becoming history.

primogeniture is the ancient rule of royal hierarchy,
which provided male heirs priority over their older female siblings,
permitting them to cut to the front of line of succession.

not only is the british government in the process of
modernizing the laws of succession to ensure trh w+c's
eldest child will become monarch, but queen elizabeth ii
has bestowed the title of "prince" or "princess" to all of the couple's kids.

prior to qe2's decree, if will+kate's firstborn were a girl,
she would receive the underling title of "lady."
now, she will officially be called "princess," & will be third in line
to the british throne, regardless of the arrival of any annoying little brothers.

my fingers are crossed for a xx-er!


image source: queen elizabeth ii & her firstborn, prince charles, ca. 1948, via vanity fair.

i am malala.

two weeks ago, a masked gunman boarded a pakistani schoolbus full of children
& shot a 15yo girl twice
because she wants girls to be educated.

malala yousufzai was aptly named for a pashtun poetess & warrior woman.
she lives in mingora, a village in the swat valley of northwest pakistan,
with her parents, her two little brothers & two pet chickens.

in 2009, taliban militants forced the girls' schools
in swat valley to close, & blew up 100+ of the buildings.
malala, with the permission of her father, ziauddin —
a poet, educational activist & school owner himself —
began anonymously blogging her experience as a girl
under taliban rule for bbc urdu. she was 11yo.

eventually, malala's school reopened, but she continued to tell her story.
a new york times documentary was filmed about her life,
she became chairperson of the district child assembly swat,
& last year, she was nominated by desmond tutu for
the international children's peace prize &
won pakistan's first national youth peace prize.

but as she became more recognized, malala became more & more endangered.
death threats against her & her family have been
published in newspapers & slipped under their front door.

in a meeting this summer, taliban leaders unanimously agreed to kill malala.

a group of grown men, considered leaders by their peers, agreed to assassinate a child
because she promoted girls' education & criticized them for trying to eliminate it.

{wow.}

& so, on a tuesday afternoon, as malala was riding home from school,
a masked gunmen boarded her bus & shouted, "which one of you is malala?
speak up, or i will shoot you all."

once identified, malala was shot twice — in the head & in the neck — & left for dead.
the bullet causing the most damage entered above the back of her left eye,
traveled down through her jaw & into her left shoulder.

two of her schoolmates were wounded, too, but were stable enough
at the scene to provide details to the police & reporters.

the taliban readily claimed responsibility for the attack,
calling malala "the symbol of the infidels & obscenity,"
& reiterated its intent to kill malala & her dad.

malala was airlifted to a military hospital where neurosurgeons saved her life.
a week ago, she was flown to birmingham, england, to continue her treatment.
the pakistani government has offered to pay all of her medical expenses.

as of yesterday, malala is conscious, communicating freely
through written notes [she can't speak yet due to a tracheal tube],
has the motor control to stand, & seems to understand where she is & why.

she's still at high risk of infection, & likely has several more surgeries
to go through, in addition to extensive rehabilitation.
but 15yo malala yousufzai today is a survivor & an international hero.

former british prime minister gordon brown has launch a united nations petition
using the slogan "i am malala" & calling for:

:: pakistan to agree to a plan to deliver education for every child;

:: international organizations to ensure the world's 61-million
out-of-school children are in education by the end of 2015; and

:: all countries to outlaw discrimination against girls.

heal on, malala. this world needs your vision, your courage & your example.


image source: getty images.

cootchie cootchie coo.

all sorts of happy baby-licious news happening lately ...

team usa three-time gold-medalist kerri walsh jennings
was apparently going for another three-peat during the london games:

she was five weeks pregnant with her third child during this summer's olympics.
[yes, when the above photo was shot. damn, girl.]

the 33yo beach volleyball champion & her pro-v-ball-playing husband, casey jennings,
apparently began trying to get pregnant a month prior to the competition,
thinking it might take some time to get there from here.

but, no.

& though kerri noted feeling "moody" while in london,
she chalked it up to jet lag & the stress of the games.

her professional partner, misty may-treanor half-jokingly suggested
kerri may be pregnant, but she laughed it off.
now kerri says her nausea with baby #3 is no laughing matter.

the jennings' new baby will be welcomed by
big brothers joey, 3, & sundance, 2,
sometime around kerri's april 9, 2013 due date.

yahoo! ceo marissa mayer gave birth to a baby boy september 30th.

mayer's husband, investor/philanthropist zachary bogue,
tweeted the good news monday morning, &
this week, 37yo mayer has reportedly been
crowd-sourcing baby names for her firstborn.

mayer intends to return to work within a couple of weeks,
potentially bringing her newborn son along with her.
more power to her — as long as she doesn't force the same
sort of abbreviated family leave upon her underlings.

& finally, 37yo actress drew barrymore welcomed her first child,
a daughter born september 26th to her
& her husband since june, art consultant will kopelman.

the couple named their girl olive barrymore kopelman —
the olive branch is a symbol of peace or victory,
was historically worn by brides, & happens to be the namesake
of the animated puppy barrymore voiced in the christmas classic [at our house, anyway],
olive, the other reindeer.

mazeltov, y'all!!!

dear finding joy.

dear mom who writes the blog finding joy,

you lift & inspire me.

at a time when joy seemed unattainable, a facebook friend of a fb friend posted
the link to your blog post "dear sweet mom who feels like she is failing."

since i was that mom at that moment, i clicked through to read it.

then i clicked through to read your other dear mom letters.

then i clicked through to read about you.
& i discovered we come at mothering from different angles.
you've got seven children. two is plenty for me.
you homeschool yours. i happily send mine off to public school.
you're religious & quote scripture. i'm spiritual & quote
people who lift or inspire me.

like you:

stop telling yourself you're failing. replace it with i can do this.
you can do this.

do one thing.
write your list of things you want to do, need to do & would love to do today
with your family. & then, do one thing from each list.
if you stumble, brush yourself off & start again.

this is your life — & you — you are the perfect mother for those children.
god knew when he blessed those kids to you.

remember that.

you are a good mom. you matter. you are making a difference.
you can do this. one step, one day, at a time.

from me, one mom in the midst of motherhood, to you.

well, from me, a fellow mom blogger in the midst of motherhood —
feeling so much better, yet continuing to seek joy in the everyday,
to see the beauty in the mess, to be ok with good enough —
from a mom who's not so very different from you after all,

i just wanted to say thanks.

thanks to you for being real, being vulnerable, being brave, being encouraging.
thanks to you for lifting & inspiring countless moms like me
with your wonderful words & amazing spirit.

you are a good mom. you matter. you are making a difference.

keep on blogging,
the mom who writes the blog skirting the issues :)


image source: pink of perfection.

you are enough.

truth: i think judging people is wrong,
yet i'm embarrassingly judgmental.

& i don't know why . . .
but i suspect it mostly comes from my own insecurities.

which, while i wholly own them, are cultivated & nurtured
by the media & its merciless promotion of the
myth of the 21st-century superwoman.

as american women, we're up against some pretty harsh cultural beliefs.
like, if you don't have it all & have it all together,
if you're not doing it all & doing it all 'correctly,'
if you're not being everything to everybody while wearing a smile,

then you're f*cking up

& are essentially inadequate
as a woman, a wife, a mother & a professional, because —
& here's the biggest whopper of them all —
there are women who are having & doing & being all that, & a bag of chips.

[but only organic chips made from locally grown potatoes,
picked by legal but disadvantaged immigrants for fair pay,
free of trans fats & endorsed by michelle obama.]

pssst . . . those all-that-+-chips women?
they don't exist.

which is my main issue with the recent controversial
"are you mom enough?" time magazine cover.

it's all about fostering feelings of inadequacy
& competition among women, bullseye-targeting the very area
where we tend to feel the greatest vulnerability: motherhood.

confession #2: when i saw this cover,
i judged.

not the breastfeeding — breastfeeding is great,
i'm the first to support moms being able to breastfeed
whenever & wherever they need to,
& most images of breastfeeding i find sweet & touching.

but . . . declaration tre:
based in large part on my personal experience, i've got some
deep-seated issues with the way breastfeeding is, excuse the expression,
force-fed to women within our society.

breastfeeding for the first year is positioned as
the. best. thing. for. every. child. period.
so women who can't or don't breastfeed their baby,
or who can't or don't do it for a full year,
are implicitly not doing the best thing for their child,
& are therefore less-than as mothers.

that is, less than mothers who do breastfeed for the full first year.
again, a lie that feeds the perception of inadequacy & competition among women.

but back to my cover-judging . . .

not the concept of breastfeeding of a 3yo
nor the concept of attachment parenting.
while i personally don't think i could breastfeed a child
beyond about 18mos with emotional comfort,
or practice attachment parenting
[my husband & i agree, one of the best household rules
we ever established was our 'everybody sleeps in their own bed' decree],
if it works for your family — meaning parents & children alike —
then go for it. it's just not something that i feel would work for me.
& as we all know, if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

so, here's what i did judge:

:: the image time chose to use:
model-esque 26yo mom dressed in a cami & skinny jeans,
posed in a defiant stance, seemingly oblivious to her preschooler
son standing awkwardly up on a chair, with a facial expression
of complete discomfort as he suckles while twisting toward the camera.
wtf?

at the top of this post, you can see an alternate shot
from the same photo shoot, of mama & boy in a cradling embrace
as they share a quiet nursing moment.
this, time magazine, is what breastfeeding
& attachment parenting are really about:
nurturing, nourishing, bonding & love.

but that sh*t don't sell magazines.

:: the mom's exposure not of her breast, but of her child.

she is an adult consenting to quasi-expose her breast
& her beliefs on the cover of a national magazine
[& subsequently, international media of all sorts].

he is a little boy, unable to consent to having a photo of himself
suckling at his mother's breast on the cover of a national magazine
& available internationally forever [once it's on the internet . . .].

add to that imbalance the fact that this particular mom
has a blog called iamnotthebabysitter.com
where she refers to herself as a narcissist [dingdingding!],
has a photo of both of her sons [ages 3yo & 5yo] breastfeeding
simultaneously [the elder son, incidentally,
was adopted from ethiopia late 2010 . . . ?],
& a knee-slapper post — with photos — of the brothers
discovering — & yes, taste-testing — her edible undies,
& it all adds up to, for me, a mom who put her own self-interest
above & beyond her child's best interests, &
in a way that may prove to be damaging to them.

to be fair, this particular mom also seems like a
genuinely good-hearted person trying to do good in the world —
she advocates strongly for breastfeeding, adoption &
multi-racial families; she volunteers; she even launched
her own nonprofit [the fayye foundation] to help
ethiopia's orphan crisis by supporting health clinics
offering antiretroviral medication & prenatal care, &
by providing orphanages with food, supplies & healthcare access.

i'm not trying to accuse her of being an evil person
or even a bad mom. i just feel she made an extremely poor —
& unfortunately, lasting — parenting choice
with the whole breastfeeding-her preschooler-on-the-cover-of-time thing.

:: the utterly offensive women vs. women headline.

the photo got all the attention,
but the headline, for me, is much more egregious.

"are you mom enough?"
again, wtf?

honestly, i feel this sensationalistic cover is just another grenade
lobbed our way in america's apparent "war on women."
the deeply appalling thing here is how it sets women up
to compare, compete & hate on each other — as mothers.

it is, in a word, shameful.

especially assuming the time team members who put it together,
if not women themselves, then at minimum all had/have mothers of their own.

lisa belkin @ huffingtonpost.com said it perfectly
in her piece "no. i am not mom enough."
so i'll leave the final word of this lengthy post to her,
with a resounding AMEN. [& i want to be her when i grow up] from me:

i am not mom enough to take the bait. ...
to feel inferior, or superior, or defensive, or guilty —
or anything at all, if it means i am
comparing myself to other mothers.

motherhood is — should be — a village,
where we explore each others' choices, learn from them,
respect them, & then go off & make our own.

i refuse to see either a heroine or an extremist
in time's cover photo. i won't condemn her or praise her.
i will not stoop to the level of pretending that
we are so unidimensional that we can be divided by a lifestyle choice.

i am not mom enough.

bear-y cute update.

just a quick update on jewel, ely, minnesota's 3yo black bear
who gave birth to two cubs last january,
much to the delight of the thousands of web-watchers tuned in to her den cam,
via the north american bear center & the wildlife research institute.

mama bear jewel & cubs herbie & fern are all healthy &
spending early summer out & about [it's a balmy 70+F during the days].
the cubs are now 4.5mos, & rather a big ol' bear paw-ful.

from this video [dated 5.12.12], you can see climbing & hanging & swinging
seem to be among their favorite activities, apparently to their mother's weary chagrin.



you can see more videos of jewel's family & other bears being tracked by the wri|nabc
at the bearstudy youtube channel.
or read all about them at the wri's daily updates.


image source: herbie full-throttle, up a tree as usual.

jessica's daily affirmation.

her name is jessica.
& she is a great way to begin a week.
or a day, an hour, even a moment.

she was 4yo when it was recorded.
her dad uploaded the video to youtube in march 2009.
in march 2012, it reached ten-million hits.

today, jessica is 14yo, & ok with being an internet sensation.
good thing, because the hits just keep on coming
for jessica's daily affirmation:



you can do anything good!
yeah! yeah! yeah!

now get out there & be full. of. awesome.
just like jessica.


image source: grumpy girl clothing.

elmo knows it.

for all its faults, the interwebs occasionally amazes me utterly
by helping human beings express how incredibly clever + creative they can be.

for example:



you can visit the correlating "i'm elmo & i know it" facebook page
to download ringtones or get tees/onesies.

great work, jeff c. & family!! :) :) :)