boy-girl parties & tea-party parents.

i honestly didn't expect it,
but middle-age is hitting me kind of hard.

since turning 45yo last summer,
i've begun both peri-menopause & antidepressants,
i'm preparing for my oldest to begin high school [whaaaaaaaaaaaaa???],
& now, my youngest is ending his single-digit years.

yep. big boy's turning ten.

it's bringing me down, man. bumming me out, dude.
making me nostalgic, somewhat melancholy & a little weepy.
& i don't think it's the hormones. this time.

i am sad about the looming finiteness of our four-family togetherness.
i am sad about the loss of actual children around our house.
i'm worried about what the tween/teen years hold for both of our kids.

& i am sad about the growing gap between me & my parents.

how are these things related, as it were?

well, our boy is special. every child is special, of course,
but our boy likes girl stuff. always has. & always will, i reckon.

he prefers imaginative play over physical play.
he befriends mostly girls, & all of his very best friends have been girls.
he prefers girl characters, girl names, & toys & books marketed for girls.
& all of this has been true since he was a toddler.

at this point, we don't know what this means for his identity.
it might mean he's gay. it might mean he's transgender.
it might mean he's a straight boy who likes girl stuff.

but in our current culture, one thing it will surely mean is
he's going to get shit because of it. maybe a little, maybe a whole goddamn lot,
but he will be questioned & mocked & probably humiliated
& hurt emotionally & maybe even physically because of it.

so, as his mama, my mantra is: this house, this family must always be
where he can come & be utterly himself & be wholly accepted
& completely loved. period. no qualifications. no ifs, ands, buts, etc.

so, we threw him a dora-themed birthday party
when he turned three & again when he turned four.
we bought him the ariel nightgown he loved so much at disney world.
we sent him to fashion camp the past two summers.

we also get him plenty of building toys & puzzles &
animal-themed things, because he likes them, too.
we facilitate playdates with his close friends, boys & girls alike.
we talk about how different people like different things,
& how that's ok, because everybody's different.

last year, we threw him a monster high-themed birthday
party, & we're doing it again this year.
but in our family, ten is the magical age at which
you're permitted to have a slumber party.
so naturally, he wants to have one.

with five of his very best friends. who all happen to be girls.

he has been talking about it excitedly since october.
& i've been fretting about it slightly since october.

i fretted about the appropriateness of a 9-10yo boy-girl sleepover.
but then i realized that was my conservative upbringing talking,
that i knew there was exactly 0% inappropriate about our boy
& his girl friends & their feelings/intentions toward each other.

so then i fretted nobody would show, no other parents would
permit their girls to come for fear of inappropriateness.
& i fretted about the heartbreaking disappointment our boy
would experience if that happened.

but i can't control how other people parent their children,
only how i choose to parent mine.

so i sent an invitation via email to the moms
of the five girls. & toward the bottom, i noted
that ours will be the only boy at the party,
that the kids will be sleeping in an open playroom
next to our master bedroom, & that parental eyes & ears
will be alert to them at all times.

& all five moms have rsvp'd with an enthusiastic yes!
[one girl might not spend the night, as she's wary of sleeping away from home,
but she's coming to the evening portion of the party.]

no questions, no concerns, no worries.
because they know us, & more importantly, they know our son,
& their daughters love him, so they do, too.

my mother, on the other hand, was appalled
we're hosting such a mixed-company soiree.
not that i really expected a different reaction.
hoped for, maybe, but not expected.

these are the same grandparents who won't give him
the gifts he wants most for christmas or birthdays
if they're marketed for girls. i must identify
clearly gender-neutral items for them to buy.

they are the same grandparents who think
homosexuality is a choice made against god &
who actively oppose equal rights for the lgbt community.

& they are the same grandparents who believe
our children are already going to hell because
we didn't have them baptized in the church.

none of which is to imply they don't love our kids.
they act extremely lovingly toward them,
they're generous & kind & playful,
& the kids love spending time with them.

& from their perspective, i'm sure their negative judgment
of our parenting choices comes from a place of love,
of wanting what's best for teen girl & big boy . . .
& of not feeling what we're doing is that.

hence, the growing gap between us.

when you're making choices as a mom, & you had good parents yourself,
it's only natural to go to them for their thoughts,
to talk situations through with them, & gather their
experience & wisdom as you weigh your options.

more & more, i feel like i can't do that with my parents.

likewise, it's only natural to want their thumbs-up,
their good-parenting seal of approval
on the choices you make as a mom, especially the hard ones,
to let you know they're behind you & believe in you as a good mom.

more & more, i feel like i won't get that from them.

what they don't understand is that their disapproval won't deter me
from doing what i know in my mama-heart is right for my children.
all it does is make me not want to share it with them.

& that makes me sad.

the last thing i want during their final years [dad's 80yo; mom's 79yo]
is for us to grow further apart, rather than closer together.

i've got a friend who wonders why i tell them about stuff
they're sure to react negatively to? just don't say anything, she advises.

but if i can't be who i am & my son can't be who he is
in order to keep the peace, as it were,
then that makes me sad, too. & inauthentic, which is
the exact opposite of what i want to model for my son.

& there's the aha moment, the lesson i'm learning from my sweet boy daily:

how to keep giving him unconditional love, acceptance & support
as i struggle with not getting the same from my parents
now that i've been brave enough to show them who i really am.

an open-hearted, open-minded, unapologetic yellow-dog-liberal feminist,
working to become my best self, to choose love over fear, to nurture connection,
who believes we are all children of god & should treat each other as such.

& who will do whatever's necessary to make sure my children have
whatever they need from me to realize their potential & fulfill their purpose,
as that is definitely part of mine.

period. no qualifications. end of story.



image source: me & big boy, ca. 2003.

they do it. why can't we??

meet bff's kate & pippin.
kate, the great dane, & pippin, the young deer.
they're adoptive mother & daughter, & best friends.

pippin was just a newborn fawn in june 2008 when her birthmother abandoned her,
frightened by some neighbor dogs. pippin wandered around isobel springett's property
for three days until isobel finally rescued her.

isobel's dog kate adopted the tiny fawn almost immediately.
the two became inseparable as kate — who had never mothered & was spayed —
cleaned pippin, tried to nurse her and slept beside her.

eventually, pippin grew into an independent deer,
who lives out in the woods with her fellow deer, but
who comes for daily visits & playtime with her adoptive mother.

isobel, a photographer, documented their rare relationship,
& with her brother martin's words telling the amazing tale,
has just published kate & pippin: an unlikely love story.

they've also got their own youtube channel,
where you can enjoy moments like this:



there's something uniquely uplifting about animal odd couples like kate & pippin.
i think it's that they prove without doubt the power of love —
that love can override even something as ingrained as animal instinct.

happily, unusual animal friendships can be found all over the interwebs:

:: 9 unusual animal relationships, a huffington post.

:: dozens of photos of unusual animal friendships @ kikiriki pics.

:: a whole blog dedicated to photos of unusual animal friendships @ let's be friends.

:: unlikely friends: why we love odd animal pairs, an analysis.

:: unlikely friendships, a book by jennifer holland.

:: friends: true stories of extraordinary animal friendships, a book by catherine thimmesh.

:: & the classic animal pals story of tarra the elephant & bella the dog:
:::: there's the book, tarra & bella: the elephant & dog who became fast friends by carol buckley;
:::: & here's the cbs tv feature that i believe got the two on oprah:



ah, wise, wonderful animals — proving once again
the power to "reason" is highly overrated
& no match at all for the power of compassionate kindness & love.

holiday 2011 debrief: the get-real edition.

oh, how i wish i could say
i haven't been blogging lately because
i was basking in a picture-perfect,
joyful, peaceful, carols at the hearth
with hot cocoa & baby marshmallows,
martha-stewart-style holiday.

but let's get real, shall we?

the truth is, i haven't been blogging lately
because i was tangled up in a holiday haze
of to-do lists, credit-card debt, sleep deprivation,
matriarchal martyrdom & good old-fashioned stress.

*sigh.*

yeah, 2011 wasn't my best year . . .
for christmas or much else.

& i'm not wading into the self-pity pool
for a wallowing. it wasn't all terrible.

christmas itself was rather lovely.
it was just the lead-up that sucked.

in spite of my best intentions,
i let self-care go,
which left plenty of space for
over-caffeination, over-carbohydration,
severe under-rest
& an overdeveloped sense of underappreciation.

can anyone relate at all?

so, thank goodness for new beginnings.
thank goodness for the new year,
for new intentions,
for a clean, crisp, blank white sheet of paper
upon which to write them.

thank goodness.
& hello, 2012!!


image source: erick maximo.

hard to do.

when people walk away from you,
let them go.

it doesn't mean that they are bad people.
it just means that their part in your story is over.

~ t.d. jakes ~


yeah, i've had my share of breakups.

romantic ones, oh, sure.
but some significant platonic ones, too.
& overall, i've found the latter much harder.

maybe because i feel once you love someone,
you can almost always, eventually, be friends.
because the love was built upon something to begin with, right?

naturally, there are extremes & exceptions.
people who aren't really who they purport to be
while you're falling in love with them, for example.

but in your garden-variety romances —
which seem to be mostly the sort i've had —
i've found my theory holds up fairly well.

of course, with friends —
"just" friends, platonic friends, girlfriends —
you can't break up & still be friends. duh.

of course, it's unusual for friends to experience
an actual breakup — a moment or conversation in which
someone actually recognizes the relationship
no longer works for them & walks away from it.

much more often, it's simply a series of
invitation regrets, unreturned calls, unreplied-to e-messages.

because breaking up is hard to do. from both sides.

i've had a handful of women i considered dear friends
break-up-without-actually-breaking-up with me.
& i think it's that amorphous drift —
without explanation, without definition, without clarity —
that makes it particularly difficult for me.

it's the not knowing —
what i might have done or not done,
what i might have been or not been —
that gets me.

that brings these women to mind again & again.
often not for months or even years,
but inevitably, a reminder triggers thoughts of them
& musings over just what the hell happened.

& once again, i must override my self-centered insecurities [redundant?]
by listening to my sweet wise woman self —

i simply was no longer the person
who could give them what they need or
they were no longer the person
who could provide what i need
in someone we call "friend."

still, for a while, they contributed greatly to my life,
in myriad ways — in beauty, in laughter, in support.
so regardless of why we're no longer friends,
i'm still grateful for our time together,
for the part they played in my story.

i wish them well. i wish them happiness.
i wish them health. i wish them ease.

& i still hold a spot for them in my heart.


image source: pinterest.com.

four more days.

four more days
until i turn forty-four.

& while today's forty is young
relative to our parents' forty,
our bodies often don't seem to know the difference.

over the past year, my hormonal cycles have
become annoyingly inconsistent.
my silver stragglers have invited many friends
to the party at the crown of my hairline.
& i've put on enough weight —
especially around the mid-section —
to return me to weight watchers
[the day after my birthday, naturally].

going into my mid-forties,
i'm finally beginning to accept the fact that
i. am. aging.

& i'll be honest: it's not awesome.
but it is still better than the alternative.

here's what my girl ms. o knows for sure
about growing older — mantra-worthy, as ever:

people who lie about their age
are denying the truth & contributing to a sickness
pervading our society — the sickness of
wanting to be what you're not.

denial leads to delusion.

i know for sure that only by owning
who & what you are can you
step into the fullness of life.

every year should teach you something valuable;
whether you get the lesson is up to you.
every year brings you closer to
expressing your whole & healed self.

i celebrate that. honor it. hold it in reverence.
& i'm grateful for every age i'm blessed to become.


image source: pinterest.

three little words.

& now, a word of inspiration from thomas dexter jakes, sr.,
chief pastor of a 30,000-member dallas-based
non-denominational megachurch,
& wise guy:

there are people who can walk away from you.

& hear me when i tell you this:
when people can walk away from you, let them walk.
i don’t want you to try to talk another person
into staying with you, loving you, calling you,
caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. 
i mean hang up the phone.

when people can walk away from you, let them walk.
your destiny is never tied to anybody who left.

people leave you because they are not joined to you.
& if they are not joined to you, then you can’t make them stay.

let them go.

& it doesn’t mean they are a bad person.
it just means their part in the story is over.
& you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over,
so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.
you’ve got to know when it’s dead.

you’ve got to know when it’s over.
let me tell you something.
i’ve got the gift of good-bye. i believe in good-bye.
it’s not that i’m hateful; it’s that i’m faithful,
& i know whatever god means for me to have, he’ll give it to me.
& if it takes too much sweat, then i don’t need it.
stop begging people to stay.

let them go!!

if you are holding onto something that doesn’t belong to you
& was never intended for your life, then you need to
let it go!!

if you are holding onto past hurts and pains,
let it go!!

if someone can’t treat you right, love you back & see your worth,
let it go!!

if someone has angered you,
let it go!!

if you are holding onto some thoughts of evil & revenge,
let it go!!

if you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction,
let it go!!

if you are holding onto a job that no longer meets your needs or talents,
let it go!!

if you have a bad attitude,
let it go!!

if you keep judging others to make yourself feel better,
let it go!!

if you are stuck in the past & god is trying to move you forward,
let it go!!

if you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship,
let it go!!

if you keep trying to help someone who won’t try to help themselves,
let it go!!

if you are feeling depressed and stressed,
let it go!!

if there is a particular situation you are so used to handling yourself
& god is saying ‘take your hands off of it,’
then you need to
let it go!!

let the past be the past.
forget the former things.
god is doing a new thing.
let it go!!

get right or get left,
think about it, & then
let it go!!

so, what are you ready to let go of today?


image source: new times.

finding contentment in imperfection.

on friday, in petaluma, california,
at the 23rd annual sonoma-marin fair's
world's ugliest dog contest,
the $1,000 top prize went to
a 14yo female chinese-crested chihuahua mix
owned by terry schumacher of hanford, ca.

her name is yoda.
& ugly she is, yes.

but she reminded me of a phrase
i came across earlier this week
& just jotted down on a post-it:

finding contentment in imperfection.

yoda probably doesn't know she's ugly,
or if she does, then not how ugly,
& regardless, to her, it's just not important.

what matters to her is that
she has food,
she has a home,
she has a family,
& she has love.

& however flawed her body & face may be,
they have gotten her to the ripe old doggie age of
14 years = almost 100 in human years,

& have let her keep on
gobbling up bowlfuls of satisfying meatiness,
napping in her favorite sunshine-warmed spots,
snuffling in the aromas of life all around her,
& snuggling up cozily with her loved ones.

she is practically the picture of imperfection.
yet she is a dog, so contentment is hers.

go, yoda.
show the world how
contentment in imperfection is found,
yes.


image source: justin sullivan/getty images.

hello, summer.

here in the heart of texas,
we've been having summer-equivalent
for quite a while now.

we hit 100 degrees for the first time may 25th,
& have hit it 15 more times since.

yeah, it's gonna be a scorcher.

& here on the blog,
i've been radio-silent
for a couple of weeks & counting.

why? same as it ever was . . .

life –
settling into a shifting-weekly summertime schedule,
trying to guide the kids toward the next level,
housetraining & training-training a puppy,
organizing & beautifying our home,
dealing with some first-family sickness & associated stress.

& work –
cranking through a couple of huge projects,
trying to keep them moving forward,
hoping to complete them by mid-july
so mama can have some summer time off.
oh, yeah – & get me some money, too.

juggling full plates nowadays
while wishing for the ocean.
the breeze. the sunshine. the salt. the sand.
mornings outside playing at the beach.
afternoons inside reading & napping.

sigh. maybe someday.

not sure it will be this summer.
too much up in the air to know for sure.

still, i say,
hello, summer.

hello, sunshine. hello, pool. hello, sno-cones.

hello, front porch & back patio.
hello, sunscreen & bugspray.

hello, camps & classes.
hello, teaching & learning.

hello, fresh food.
hello, weight watchers.
hello, money management.
hello, further beautification & organization.
hello, photo catchup.
hello, blogger.

hello, austin.
hello, dallas.
hello, canada.

hello, summer 2011,
summer of going along for the ride.
happy you're here.


image source: mingta photography @ etsy.com.

my son is gay, too. or he's not.

rosie o'donnell read the following blog post out loud
on her satellite radio show [rosie radio] today.

& as the mom of a little boy
who has mostly girl friends,
whose favorite toy story character is jessie the cowgirl,
& who draws big red lips on everything
from jack o'lanterns to snowmen,
er, snowpeople,

i felt on listening to this
both a little ashamed
& profoundly inspired.

this is the mom i want to be for him.

& i do fairly well.
but this has inspired me to
do better.
be braver. more open-hearted. even more accepting
of who he is & who will become.

it's an amazing piece from a blog called
nerdy apple bottom [cop's wife does not remain silent].

the post is titled "my son is gay."

Or he’s not. I don’t care. He is still my son. And he is 5. And I am his mother. And if you have a problem with anything mentioned above, I don’t want to know you.


I have gone back and forth on whether I wanted to post something more in-depth about my sweet boy and his choice of Halloween costume. Or more specifically, the reactions to it. I figure if I’m still irked by it a few days later, I may as well go ahead and post my thoughts.


Here are the facts that lead up to my rant:


My son is 5 and goes to a church preschool.
He has loved Scooby Doo since developing the ability and attention span to sit still long enough to watch it.
Halloween is a holiday and its main focus is wearing a costume.
My son’s school had the kids dress up, do a little parade, and then change out of costumes for the rest of the party.
Boo’s best friend is a little girl
Boo has an older sister
Boo spends most of his time with me.
I am a woman.
I am Boo’s mother, not you.
So a few weeks before Halloween, Boo decides he wants to be Daphne from Scooby Doo, along with his best friend E. He had dressed as Scooby a couple of years ago. I was hesitant to make the purchase, not because it was a cross gendered situation, but because 5 year olds have a tendency to change their minds. After requesting a couple of more times, I said sure and placed the order. He flipped out when it arrived. It was perfect.


Then as we got closer to the actual day, he stared to hem and haw about it. After some discussion it comes out that he is afraid people will laugh at him. I pointed out that some people will because it is a cute and clever costume. He insists their laughter would be of the ‘making fun’ kind. I blow it off. Seriously, who would make fun of a child in costume?


And then the big day arrives. We get dressed up. We drop Squirt at his preschool and head over to his. Boo doesn’t want to get out of the car. He’s afraid of what people will say and do to him. I convince him to go inside. He halts at the door. He’s visibly nervous. I chalk it up to him being a bit of a worrier in general. Seriously, WHO WOULD MAKE FUN OF A CHILD IN A COSTUME ON HALLOWEEN? So he walks in. And there were several friends of mine that knew what he was wearing that smiled and waved and gave him high-fives. We walk down the hall to where his classroom is.


And that’s where things went wrong. Two mothers went wide-eyed and made faces as if they smelled decomp. And I realize that my son is seeing the same thing I am. So I say, “Doesn’t he look great?” And Mom A says in disgust, “Did he ask to be that?!” I say that he sure did as Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn’t I try to talk him out of it. Mom B mostly just stood there in shock and dismay.


And then Mom C approaches. She had been in the main room, saw us walk in, and followed us down the hall to let me know her thoughts. And they were that I should never have ‘allowed’ this and thank God it wasn’t next year when he was in Kindergarten since I would have had to put my foot down and ‘forbidden’ it. To which I calmly replied that I would do no such thing and couldn’t imagine what she was talking about. She continued on and on about how mean children could be and how he would be ridiculed.


My response to that: The only people that seem to have a problem with it is their mothers.


Another mom pointed out that high schools often have Spirit Days where girls dress like boys and vice versa. I mentioned Powderpuff Games where football players dress like cheerleaders and vice versa. Or every frat boy ever in college (Mom A said that her husband was a frat boy and NEVER dressed like a woman.)


But here’s the point, it is none of your damn business.


If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.


If my daughter had dressed as Batman, no one would have thought twice about it. No one.


But it also was heartbreaking to me that my sweet, kind-hearted five year old was right to be worried. He knew that there were people like A, B, and C. And he, at 5, was concerned about how they would perceive him and what would happen to him.


Just as it was heartbreaking to those parents that have lost their children recently due to bullying. IT IS NOT OK TO BULLY. Even if you wrap it up in a bow and call it ‘concern.’ Those women were trying to bully me. And my son. MY son.


It is obvious that I neither abuse nor neglect my children. They are not perfect, but they are learning how to navigate this big, and sometimes cruel, world. I hate that my son had to learn this lesson while standing in front of allegedly Christian women. I hate that those women thought those thoughts, and worse felt comfortable saying them out loud. I hate that ‘pink’ is still called a girl color and that my baby has to be so brave if he wants to be Daphne for Halloween.


And all I hope for my kids, and yours, and those of Moms ABC, are that they are happy. If a set of purple sparkly tights and a velvety dress is what makes my baby happy one night, then so be it. If he wants to carry a purse, or marry a man, or paint fingernails with his best girlfriend, then ok. My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what is ‘normal’ and what is not, but to help him become a good person.


I hope I am doing that.


And my little man worked that costume like no other. He rocked that wig, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.


in this month of thanks-giving,
i'm grateful for you, boo's mama.
you rocked your blog, & it might just
change some minds/hearts/lives.


image source: scoobysnax.free.fr

finding our beautiful.

one of my favorite bloggers,
kelly rae roberts,
has just had her first baby,
& today, she & her little family
are "finding [their] beautiful."

i read that, & thought,
i need to get me some of that.
finding our beautiful.

life around here has been
seriously roller-coaster-y
recently.

overall, it's good.
but lately, daily doses
of anxiety, overwhelm,
frustration, helplessness.

i can see us all wearing down.

so much stress makes
the beautiful much more
elusive than usual.

so today, the beautiful is

sleeping late.

opening windows.

completing costumes.

fixing the fence.

previewing holidays @ hallmark.

playing with trains.

revealing wisdom.

scary movies.

change your thoughts &
you change your world.
[norman vincent peale]

think pink:
ok, ok － giving football equal time: the nfl has been supporting breast-cancer awareness all month long with a special designation for october games, pregame & in-stadium initiatives, pink ribbon/nfl shield pins for coaches & game staff, team efforts &, of course, plenty of nfl/pink ribbon fan gear for sale.


image sources: redbubble.com, nflshop.com

what's your basket look like today??

by colleen wainwright,
the communicatrix.

Everyone has her basket.

And in that basket
are all the things
a body gets
in a lifetime:

The long legs
the natural grace

The way with words
or people
or numbers
or animals

The force field that makes money
or love
or ideas
or children
come to them first

The gene soup
that makes eyes blue
stomachs sturdy
loins fruitful
brains prodigious

Even the luck —
the ponies
the Kojak parking
the pair of pants on sale
or the person of their dreams available
at the exact moment
where need and want meet —
even that
is in the basket.

There will be days
when you look down at your basket and marvel
at the wonderful
wonderful
things inside

And there will be days
when you cannot bring yourself to look
at all
or rather
where the only place you can look
is at the basket next to you
and with longing.

But every day
someone is looking at your basket
with longing

Every day
someone would trade baskets with yours
sight unseen

I have been
in all of those places
and mostly
I am grateful
for the grace
that forgave my foolishness

This is my basket
to carry
and uncover
layer by layer
day by day
year by year

And sometimes
story by story.

May your basket overflow
with beautiful things
of incomparable joy
and wonder

And when it does not
may you be visited
by the same grace that sat down beside me
to show me the beauty
and the joy
and the wonder
I could not see

image source: three little monkeys photography @ flickr.com

days of the blue bathrobe.

a little crazy reveal:

i love bathrobes. i've got four.
i choose which bathrobe to wear post-shower
according to my temperature － physical & emotional.

so the two i wear mostly during warm weather
are the same flowery, flowy, kimono style,
but one is aqua & orange & an array of other tropical colors,
while the other is a monochromatic arrangement of blues.

so when i'm feeling fabulous, i tend toward the tropics.
& when i'm feeling sub-fab, i tend toward the, um, blues.

recently, i noticed i've been choosing the bluesy one just about every day.

hmmm.

here we are, halfway through 2010,
& i feel like i've spent the decade to date
just not quite myself.

maybe questioning just who myself is, exactly.

feeling like a self-confessed control freak
with little control over, well, anything much.

my body. my money.
my time. my environment.
my relationships. my creativity.

feeling rather directionless.
mostly feeling terrifically tired.

is this mono?
menopause?
mild depression?
midlife crisis [whatever that is]?

no telling. only time does that, i guess.

i guess for now i'll just keep on

asking questions
listening for answers

being gentle
being grateful

getting up
getting out &
hoping to get to be about ... something

being okay with being wherever it is that i am
being okay with baby steps
being okay with being just okay

being okay with my
really quite beautiful
blue bathrobe.


image source: someone else's blue bathrobe by tamelyn @ flickr.com

afternoon respite.

why i love my sibling.
by big girl [11yo].

1. he keeps me company.

2. he plays with me.

3. he's my brother.

4. he's a good drawer [draw-er].

5. he's funny.

6. he's creative.

7. he's thoughtful.

8. he notices things.

9. he's ticklish.

10. he's interested in what i do.


why i love my sibling.
by little boy [7yo].

1. she gives me stuff.

2. she likes animals.

3. she makes good friends.

4. she rites good.

5. she draws good.

6. she is preaty.

7. she likes hourses.

8. she likes one of are dogs named daisy & she likes are other dog named kirdy [kirby].

9. she likes scooby doo!

10. she does not like pink [meaning she's different from typical girls].


written out. read aloud. sealed with tickling & squealing.
mission accomplished ... for now. :)


image source: twinclarinets via flickr.com

what's your formerly??

so, what's your formerly?

what's a formerly, you wonder?

it's just what you used to be
once you've reached the intersection of
too old to be young & too young to be old.

which is where stephanie dolgoff & so many of us seem to be.

stephanie, a contributing editor at parenting magazine, launched a blog － formerlyhot.com － that has turned into a book － my formerly hot life: dispatches from just the other side of young [coming in august] － & is quickly becoming a movement. observe:


even though stephanie used the rather cliched "hot" umbrella for her blog/book/movement's identity, she's quick to note that this "formerly transformation" is only partly about looks:

"[T]he shift was much more profound.

And wonderful. The longer I spent on this side of young, the clearer it became that Formerly Territory was a much happier place to live, for me and the hundreds of women I spoke to about it. There are distinct upsides to being a Formerly, ones that no one talks about. I used to feel like a composite of other people’s opinions of me; now, I am comfortable with who I am, and other people’s opinions are, well, just their opinions. I follow my instincts, what’s comfortable for me, rather than what I think I 'should' do or what everyone else seems to think is the move. Life feel less intense, less dramatic, more relaxed and peaceful. In other words, time passes. Things change. And that’s cool.

Except when it’s not. Getting older, even if you’re not old, can sometimes suck! I’m not going to tell you that I welcome every wrinkle and pucker as a symbol of the rich and wise life my trusty body and I have lived happily together. I am regularly shocked by the new iteration of me that stares back from the mirror. I promise never to tell you that you must 'embrace your life changes,' that 50 is the new 40 is the new 30 is the new 29. You are what you are, but you don’t always have to be smiling about it.

On balance, though, even as I’m letting go of the stuff I thought was indispensable to happiness when I was younger, I’m happier than my younger self ever could have imagined."

so, what's your formerly??


image source: smh.au.com

mantras to declutter by.

maybe you've heard tell of lorie marrero,
our own austin-based professional organizer
who has hit the big-time with her brainchild,
the clutter diet.

she's terrific － visit her website here, her blog here & her twitter page here.

recently, lorie posted about "the organized mindset: 7 fundamental beliefs that can change everything."

being a person who's forever interested in enhancing organization in my rather full life, i read the post.

& let me tell you, it's about way more than decluttering.

lorie says these key beliefs can up your quality of life, & i believe her.

i, for one, intend to write one down on an index card every month for the rest of the year, tape it up on my bathroom mirror, & repeat it daily as a mantra to myself.

i strongly urge to you dive into this wise woman's deep pool of online info.
here's just a toe-dip － the seven aforementioned beliefs:

1. It’s okay to let go. I cannot own everything, do everything, or know everything. I will be okay letting go of some things, some activities, and some knowledge. I have an abundant life, and I have Enough with a capital “E.” I have to give up some things to gain others.

2. It’s okay if things are not perfect. I can relax into life and focus on what is most important to me. I am clear on what really matters, and “Good Enough” is really good enough.

3. It’s okay for me to place a high value on my time. Time is absolutely my most valuable resource. I am the only one who gets to ultimately decide how to spend it, and it’s okay to be very selective and discerning. Sometimes time is worth more than money.

4. It’s okay to make mistakes. I make the best decisions I can at the time with the information I have. I will move forward with my decisions and reduce the time I spend questioning them. Mistakes help me learn beneficial lessons.

5. It’s okay to want the best for myself. I am fully responsible for my own life experience. I treat myself kindly, and I want to constantly improve myself, my life, my surroundings, and my relationships. Sometimes this means saying goodbye to things, people, activities, interests, and commitments that are no longer serving me.

6. It’s okay if I don’t have all of the answers. I am strong and capable and can figure things out. I value learning and am a resourceful person, and I am open to being wrong.

7. It’s okay that I am not good at everything. I am good at many things but not all. I can focus on my strengths and ask for help to allow others to use their strengths on my behalf.

thank you, ms. marrero!! :)


image source: photo not of lorie marrero, but by brene brown for tracey clark's i am enough self-kindness collaborative

must-share, must-see story.

it's got everything － the power of love, forbidden friendship, surprising connections, just a tad of tragedy, longing, fulfillment, a happy ending & a spectacular moral.

amazing story, courtesy of OUR WONDERFUL WORLD.
aren't we lucky to be here now, with the ones we love??

fewer than three minutes to a renewed perspective:

it's a new year, even for sloggers.

OK, so I've been quite the slogger [blogger + slacker = slogger] the past few months. I've got no real reason for my being so blog-inactive, other than I seem to be suffering from some sort of relatively mild malaise － have been on and off for months now － the cause of which may be anything at all, from midlife to an undiagnosed kidney infection

Regardless of the "disease," the symptom I seem to be consistently experiencing is just an overall lack of motivation to do things. Things like blog. Or work. Work out. Go out. Clean. Scrapbook. Get up. Move much. Mostly I just feel like going somewhere quiet and sleeping for several months. "Slogging," it seems, is exactly the word for what I'm up to － slogging through some quagmire-like stage of life.

Cheese and rice, am I officially pathetic yet?

Anyway, it is a new year, a delovely new decade, and I'm trying to be a better blogger － among other things － while also trying to give my little self the comfort and compassion I apparently crave.

Here's a quote I find infinitely inspiring from the January issue of O, under Oprah's own "What I Know for Sure" column:

"If living your best life were a test, I would not get a passing grade for 2009. All the things I vowed to do this time last year, I didn't. I didn't give myself more balance or more time. I didn't work out daily. I failed. So 2010 is a start-over, for sure. And I feel immensely blessed to still have a chance to get it right."

Seriously, if Oprah can own her own personal failures just like that, then I guess maybe we're all human and flawed after all, eh?

So here's to 2010 － another opportunity to start over, maybe not all at once with the flip of a magical calendar page, but with understanding and kindness for ourselves as human beings who move forward sometimes, back others, occasionally sideways, around in circles or even, once in a while, not at all.

Here's to start-overs, however － and whenever － they happen for you this year. :)

image source: Mirage Las Vegas

no fat talk, ever.

Well, I'm embarrassed to confess it, but I missed it. Last week was, apparently, Delta Delta Delta's Fat Talk Free Week, a "body activism event" intended to raise awareness about the dangers of "fat talk" and the effect it has upon women's confidence.

Yes, you read it right － a women's empowerment effort sponsored by a sorority. My, but the times, they are a'changin' from my back-in-the-days avoiding West Campus (UT Austin's Greek ghetto) like the plague. And that's not all － Fat Talk Free Week also coincided with the official launch of a whole Tri Delta body-image education and eating disorders prevention program called Reflections.

During Fat Talk Free Week, women and girls of all ages pledged to not "fat talk," and to do one thing daily to support positive body image, like:

• talk with a friend or family member about one thing you like about yourselves;
  
• write a list of all the good things your body lets you do (e.g., sleep well, wake up rested, walk the lake, etc.);
  
• pick a friend and make a pact with to avoid negative body talk;
  
• pledge to quit complaining about your body, and whenever you catch yourself doing this, balance it by saying something positive about the same body part, such as, “I'm happy my strong legs let me run a mile yesterday;"
  
• the next time someone gives you a compliment, rather than objecting, take a deep breath and just say “thank you.”
  

Of course, these are terrific suggestions to promote positive body image any time at all, not just during Fat Talk Free Week ... because it's always true that Barbie's body proportions are not only unattainable, but also unhealthy ... that fashion models are thinner than 98% of U.S. women ... that 90% of high-school-age girls believe they're overweight ... and that over half of American girls age 18 - 25 would rather be hit by a truck than be fat.

Fat Talk Free Life, anyone??

the women of the DNC08 － hillary.

Exceptional excerpts from Hillary Clinton's speech to the Democratic National Convention, August 2008:

I want you to ask yourselves: Were you in this campaign just for me?
Or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him? Were you in it for that mom struggling with cancer while raising her kids? Were you in it for that boy and his mom surviving on the minimum wage? Were you in it for all the people in this country who feel invisible?

We need leaders once again who can tap into that special blend of American confidence and optimism that has enabled generations before us to meet our toughest challenges. Leaders who can help us show ourselves and the world that with our ingenuity, creativity and innovative spirit, there are no limits to what is possible in America.
This won't be easy. Progress never is. But it will be impossible if we don't fight to put a Democrat in the White House.

I'm a United States Senator because in 1848 a group of courageous women and a few brave men gathered in Seneca Falls, New York, many traveling for days and nights, to participate in the first convention on women's rights in our history.
And so dawned a struggle for the right to vote that would last 72 years, handed down by mother to daughter to granddaughter － and a few sons and grandsons along the way.
These women and men looked into their daughters' eyes, imagined a fairer and freer world, and found the strength to fight. To rally and picket. To endure ridicule and harassment. To brave violence and jail.
And after so many decades － 88 years ago on this very day － the 19th amendment guaranteeing women the right to vote would be forever enshrined in our Constitution.

My mother was born before women could vote. But in this election, my daughter got to vote for her mother for President.

This is the story of America. Of women and men who defy the odds and never give up.
How do we give this country back to them?
By following the example of a brave New Yorker, a woman who risked her life to shepherd slaves along the Underground Railroad.
And on that path to freedom, Harriett Tubman had one piece of advice.

If you hear the dogs, keep going.
If you see the torches in the woods, keep going.
If they're shouting after you, keep going.
Don't ever stop. Keep going.
If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.

Even in the darkest of moments, ordinary Americans have found the faith to keep going.
I've seen it in you. I've seen it in our teachers and firefighters, nurses and police officers, small-business owners and union workers, the men and women of our military － you always keep going.
We are Americans. We're not big on quitting.
But remember, before we can keep going, we have to get going － by electing Barack Obama president.

a woman worth remembering.

Sadly, another lovely lesbian couple recently married didn't make it much past their two-month anniversary. Author and community leader Dorothy "Del" Martin － who with her longtime lover, Phyllis Lyon, were the first same-sex couple to legally marry in San Francisco － died August 27th following years of declining health.

Martin, 87, and Lyon, 83, [above, L & R respectively, at their nuptials] had been partners and activists together for a half-century. They met in 1950 working as journalists for the same trade publication, became a couple in 1952 and formalized their relationship on Valentine's Day, 1953, by moving in together. In 1955, they bought the small San Fran house they've called home since.

Together, Martin and Lyon founded America's first public and political lesbian rights organization, the Daughters of Bilitis (named for an obscure book of lesbian love poetry), and the first gay political club in the U.S., the Alice B. Toklas Democratic Club. Martin helped found many other groundbreaking groups, including the Council on Religion and the Homosexual, the Lesbian Mother's Union, the Coalition for Justice for Battered Women, the San Francisco Women's Centers, the Bay Area Women's Coalition and the California Coalition Against Domestic Violence. She was the first open lesbian to serve as board member for the National Organization for Women, and she and Lyon both served as delegates on the White House Conference on Aging.

A San Francisco native, Del Martin was salutatorian of the first graduating class of George Washington High School, studied journalism at the University of California at Berkley and at San Francisco State University, and earned her doctorate at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.

Martin and Lyon wed June 16th at San Francisco's City Hall, with Mayor Gavin Newsom officiating.

The newly widowed Lyon commented, "I am devastated, but I take some solace in knowing we were able to enjoy the ultimate rite of love and commitment before she passed."