what's your story?

spoiler alert: i love oprah.

ok, i know you knew that.
but the fact is, she inspires me.

she makes me think. she makes me feel.
she truly gives me those epiphanic aha! moments
all. the. time.
she shifts my perspective.
she moves my spirit.
she taps into my heart-center.
she lifts me to higher ground.

so, i keep on watching own,
keep on listening to oprah radio,
keep on reading o magazine,
keep on clicking around oprah.com.

& i keep on learning. about me.

all of which i mention because
this post is about my latest aha!
provided courtesy of ms. o.

i'm not religious, i disagree with him a lot,
& i can barely tolerate his southern charismatic
preacher persona, accent & barbie wife.
but watching joel osteen & oprah talk about his
"i am" sermon & book, i declare, struck a genuine chord with me.

if you read this blog regularly [as regularly as i write it, anyhow],
then you understand that during the past year or two,
i've been struggling more & succeeding less than i'm used to.
i've been struggling with money & work, weight & hormones,
with my devolving relationship with my aging parents.

& while i'm a natural optimist, & i believe the struggles
aren't forever, they're just for now, & they will get better,
i also find myself, from time to time, blaming, shaming &
doomsday dialoguing with

myself.

why do i make the same sort of mistakes again & again?
how will i ever climb out of the giant hole i've gotten myself into?
why don't i show greater self-control? why don't i learn? why don't i change?
what am i, stupid? a strident inner voice shrieks.

& often, the answer comes back, quiet & dispirited: yes.

i beat myself up. i beat myself down.
& yet, i expect whatever the situation is to improve.

here are some of the notes i wrote down from
oprah's i am: life is how you see it lifeclass with joel osteen:

:: whatever follows 'i am' is going to come looking for you.

:: you become what you believe.

:: whatever you feed will grow.

:: your words become your destiny.

:: don't say the negative words out loud; don't give them life.

:: change the recording in your mind.

:: you have the power to become the hero of your own life.

:: you have a purpose; as long as you have breath, you have what someone else needs.

:: be confident in who god made you to be.

:: nobody can be better at being you than you.

:: bring honor to god by being passionate about who you are.

:: be who god made you to be. you don't need other people's approval.
be you — be gratefully, joyfully, fully full-on you. & god will smile.

as another inspiration & oprah-phile, dr. brene brown, notes,
authenticity is a practice. it's a thousand everyday choices, every. day.

& it begins with your thoughts, the story you're telling yourself.

if you don't like the story you're telling yourself [or others]
about you & your life, if your story isn't working for you,
then CHANGE IT.

choose a new & improved story.
& whenever the old recording begins looping in your mind,
press 'stop.' & put on your new story.

it begins with "i am ... ."

i am blessed.
i am living in abundance.
i am healthy.
i am fit.
i am strong.
i am solid.
i am secure.
i am a thoughtful spender.
i am a mindful saver.
i am taking care of myself.
i am beautiful.
i am calm.
i am confident.
i am creative.
i am productive.
i am energized.
i am flowing.
i am shining.
i am worthy.
i am lovable.
i am a child of god.
i am grateful.
i am joyful.
i am in peace.
i am in power.

i am not just enough . . .
i am plenty.

& i am passionately ME.


so, what's your story?

hey, saint francis . . .

ok, so yesterday, i blogged about america's worst-paying cities for women.
today, i'm blogging about our country's healthiest cities for women.

from women's health magazine — partnering with men's health magazine —
comes their fifth annual survey of the top 100 healthiest cities nationwide,
ranked according to 41 different categories, like
nutrition, cancer rates and cost-of-living.

#1? well, it turns out if you leave your heart in san francisco,
it will likely be in great shape once you retrieve it.

& here's the rest of the top-ten best:

2. salt lake city, utah. [#1 & #2 worst-paying were utah cities]
3. san jose, california.
4. boise city, idaho.
5. burlington, vermont.
6. minneapolis, minnesota.
7. seattle, washington. [#10 worst-paying]
8. austin, texas. [holler!]
9. st. paul, minnesota.
10. portland, maine.

thrilled but not stunned my hometown, the atx, is among the healthiest;
ten texas cities are included in the top 100,
with lubbock bringing the bottom with a ranking of #67.

& the least-healthiest of the top 100? birmingham, alabama,
where southern comfort food is king ... apparently, for the queen.


image source: whatsyourbucketlist.tumblr.com.

hooray, renée!

my dear friend renée trudeau
— life coach, author & balance facilitator —
has done it again.

her newly released book, nurturing the soul of your family:
10 ways to reconnect & find peace in everyday life,
clearly lights ten paths to experiencing greater ease,
flow & harmony amidst the daily navigation of
stressful commutes, homework squabbles, hurried mealtimes &
other challenges so many of us face as modern parents.

tomorrow, in conjunction with & celebration of
the first day of spring, renée is hosting a
book-release party like none other, a
"rejuvenating, joyful & connective evening of self-renewal,
storytelling, exercises & creative play"
based upon the book's themes.

here are the deets:
wednesday, march 20th, 6-9p
mercury hall @ 615 cardinal lane
austin, texas
tix will be $45 at the door

for the price of admission, participants get:
:: a two-hour self-renewal retreat led by renée;
:: wine + bevs with culinary delights by spoon & co. catering;
:: a private house concert by austin singer-songwriter tricia mitchell; &
:: an autographed copy of renée's new book.

a portion of the event's profits will go to benefit
the children in nature collaborative of austin.

for more info about the event —
which is sure to be both amazing & inspirational,
just like my dear friend renée —
click here.


image source: belief network.

a reminder for moms.

i am a strong, confident woman.
usually.

& i have opinions that are equally as strong & confident.
usually.

but. i'm also a mom, navigating the rather stormy seas of
raising a teenage daughter for the first time.

& so, as waves of teen-girl issues rise around me,
i'm sometimes unsure of the best way to ride them out.

so i solicit advice from my fellow sailors —
girlfriend-moms of other teen girls.

& so it was that i recently found myself at a drinks-&-dinner gathering
of like-minded moms, & seized a conversational lull to bring up
an issue currently brewing with my 13yo daughter.

over the past couple of months, she has been "altering" her clothing
to show more skin — nothing inappropriate, just things like
rolling up her shorts-legs to make them shorter [but not daisy-dukes short],
rolling up her shirt-sleeves to make them look sleeveless, etc.

i've observed this behavior without comment,
wanting to "choose my battles," & understanding
what she's currently doing is completely harmless . . .
though clearly, this trend has captured my attention.

during the late summer months, i noticed her doing the same thing
with her tankini top — rolling & tucking up the bottom of it,
so that with every trip to the pool, it was looking more & more like a bikini top.

so at a friend's labor day family pool party,
i finally called her on it — noting this wasn't a proper venue for that
& requesting she untuck her top to its original length.

"ok, but next time, will you buy me a swimsuit appropriate for my age?"
she hissed.
"you're wearing a swimsuit appropriate for your age," i flatly responded.

so meanwhile, back at moms' night out, i tell this story & wonder aloud:
should i be concerned about this trend? & isn't a tankini a good choice for a 13yo?

well, i got dog-piled.

the other two moms with daughters the same age
had already bought their daughters bikinis,
essentially because that's what all their peers were wearing.

they lectured me about the difference between a "bikini" & a "two-piece."
they implied i may be damaging my daughter emotionally
by not letting her do what it takes to fit in socially.

another mom, with whom i had discussed this issue earlier,
brought up one of the ideas i had mentioned to her for dealing with it
as a point of ridicule, laughing to the table about how wrong-minded it was.

when i continued to express my worries about potentially perpetuating
the sexualization of my 13yo daughter, the mom sitting next to me
took my hand in hers & patted it, saying in a gently patronizing tone —
as if i were an 108yo granny, expecting my girl to wear a
turn-of-the-last-century "bathing costume," complete with bloomers —

"she's not a little girl anymore, kristen."

which i'm well aware of, thank you very much.
but while she may not be a little girl, she is still very much a girl —
not a woman, not a sexual being just yet, & still very much my child.

& her childhood, while naturally waning, isn't over just yet.
nor should it be. & i do see it as part of my job not to give it the bum's rush,
& to try to ensure nothing else does, either.

for the record, i listened to & considered their points,
& next spring, as swimsuit season approaches once again,
i will likely agree to shop for a two-piece my teen girl & i can agree upon.

but here's the reminder for moms part:

when another mom asks for your advice,
remember she is showing her most vulnerable self to you.

remember what she is saying beneath the question
is, "i'm feeling unsure about myself as a mom.
i'm afraid i may be screwing up & i don't want to fail my child."

remember she is asking not only for your opinion.
she is asking for your listening, your understanding,
your support & your encouragement.

she wants to know what your experience is,
& she needs to know whatever she chooses to do will be ok,
because she is the best mom for her child.

just like you are the best mother for your children.
just like we all are the best moms for our kids,
every one of us doing our very best, every minute of every day.

[though naturally, our best looks better at some points than at others.]

tell her she is a good mom.
tell her this mothering stuff is tough.
tell her you struggle with it, too.
tell her she is doing a fabulous job raising terrific kids.
tell her to make sure she listens to herself.
tell her she will make the best choice.

because it's all true. & she needs to hear it.

& because if she leaves the conversation feeling like
she is indeed screwing up & failing her child,
then we are failing each other as women.

breaking each other down rather than building each other up.

reply with your opinion, explain your experience, state your case.
then remember, my mamas-in-solidarity, to
encourage. encourage. encourage.

as a favorite fellow blogger recently wrote:
it's the grace element of motherhood.
we all need it. we all need to extend it.

hello, october.

hello, monday the first.

hello, full corn moon & cardigan mornings.

hello, warm comfort food + drink.

hello, candles that smell like warm comfort food + drink.

hello, squirrel + acorn + pumpkin decor.

hello, teen girl turning 14yo. [whoa.]

hello, dad turning 80yo. [wow.]

hello, hallowe'en — we've got to get cracking with some creative costume ideas!

hello, modpodging playroom art.

hello, painting bedrooms & bookcases.

hello, ikea.

hello, new work projects — bring 'em! i'm ready!

hello, everyday. you do not look like a pinterest board & it is okay.

hello, joy in mistakes, in trying, in accepting, in encouraging,
in gratitude, in surprise, in perspective,
in self-nurturing & remembering i matter.

hello, full month. full steam ahead!


image source: codingnews.inhealthcare.com.

dear finding joy.

dear mom who writes the blog finding joy,

you lift & inspire me.

at a time when joy seemed unattainable, a facebook friend of a fb friend posted
the link to your blog post "dear sweet mom who feels like she is failing."

since i was that mom at that moment, i clicked through to read it.

then i clicked through to read your other dear mom letters.

then i clicked through to read about you.
& i discovered we come at mothering from different angles.
you've got seven children. two is plenty for me.
you homeschool yours. i happily send mine off to public school.
you're religious & quote scripture. i'm spiritual & quote
people who lift or inspire me.

like you:

stop telling yourself you're failing. replace it with i can do this.
you can do this.

do one thing.
write your list of things you want to do, need to do & would love to do today
with your family. & then, do one thing from each list.
if you stumble, brush yourself off & start again.

this is your life — & you — you are the perfect mother for those children.
god knew when he blessed those kids to you.

remember that.

you are a good mom. you matter. you are making a difference.
you can do this. one step, one day, at a time.

from me, one mom in the midst of motherhood, to you.

well, from me, a fellow mom blogger in the midst of motherhood —
feeling so much better, yet continuing to seek joy in the everyday,
to see the beauty in the mess, to be ok with good enough —
from a mom who's not so very different from you after all,

i just wanted to say thanks.

thanks to you for being real, being vulnerable, being brave, being encouraging.
thanks to you for lifting & inspiring countless moms like me
with your wonderful words & amazing spirit.

you are a good mom. you matter. you are making a difference.

keep on blogging,
the mom who writes the blog skirting the issues :)


image source: pink of perfection.

daily happiest moments.

july 22nd, oprah posted a video up on her website
in which she challenged folks to join her in
tweeting their happiest moment of the day
every day for 30 days.

well, i didn't see the celebrate 30 days of happiness challenge video
until two weeks later, & i gave up on tweeting about nine months ago.

but, if you read my last post, then you know
how desperately i was seeking a little happiness around the beginning of august,
& if you read my blog [which, apparently, you do], then you know
how much i love my oprah.

so i decided to post my happiest moment of the day
on facebook every day from august 6th through labor day
[which is 29 days, but who's counting??].

& now, i'm deciding to repost them all here as a collection,
for posterity & for the reminder of what sort of moments make me happy.
enjoy!!

1. monday 8.6
working out & catching up with my gal-pal jb, who's been traveling
much of the summer. yay for reunions!! :)

2. tuesday 8.7
watching team usa gymnast aly raisman kill her
floor routine for event gold - gave me goosebumps!! :)

3. wednesday 8.8
completing a pair of overdue blog posts. :)

4. thursday 8.9
seeing my big sister, cindy, who has come for a quick visit. ♥

5. friday 8.10
catastrophe-free report from my new doc, whom i like. :)

6. saturday 8.11
delivering pizza to my dear neighbor & her helpers
following her huge estate-like sale of her worldly goods. ♥

7. sunday 8.12
going to a lizards gig with two dear friends - great fun!! :)

8. monday 8.13
giving myself a mini-mani with sparkly new nail polish
while watching bachelor pad [don't judge!!] with my hubs.

9. tuesday 8.14
seeing my holistic chiropractor, k. ude ... i left her office feeling
inches taller & so relaxed that i went home & napped. :)

10. wednesday 8.15
basking in a/c, sipping ice water & being served good food with the fam
following a few hours in the searing texas heat. :)

11. thursday 8.16
lunching with the lovely & talented k. barry, talking over our
respective, prospective websites ... thrilling!! :)

12. friday 8.17
wrapping up two sizable projects [at last!] by issuing invoices! :D

13. saturday 8.18
sharing supper at the trailer park eatery with my little fam. ♥ ♥ ♥

14. sunday 8.19
playing @ the pool with my hubs + son. water = happiness. :)

15. monday 8.20
taking a pretzel break @ the mall with my kids during back2school shopping. :)

16. tuesday 8.21
beginning to catch up on my blog with a couple of new olympic posts. :)

17. wednesday 8.22
riding home with my family, all exhausted &
a little sunburnt from tubing the guadalupe. :)

18. thursday 8.23
making some good progress on a new client project. :)

19. friday 8.24
watching "bernie" with my hubs - jack black is awesome!! :)

20. saturday 8.25
talking birds+bees with my 13yo daughter ... &
discovering how little she really knew!! ;D

21. monday 8.26
bahama freeze snowcones, post-pool with the fam. :)

22. monday 8.27
sharing supper with my fam, listening to everyone's
fairly positive reports of their day. :)

23. tuesday 8.28
getting a clean bill of health following my cardio stress test! yay, ♥!! :)

24. wednesday 8.29
spending a few quiet hours doing housework - baking,
cleaning, etc. oddly, kind of a luxury for me!! :)

25. thursday 8.30
getting rave reviews - & a second project! -
from a new client on a brochure i wrote! :)

26. friday 8.31
getting our downstairs air conditioning up &
working again [ignoring the precious pricetag, of course!]. :}

27. saturday 9.1
catching up with a dear friend over a long, luxurious lunch! love! :)

28. sunday 9.2
having the appetizers i brought to a pool party
be a big hit! [thanks again, jb!] :)

29. monday 9.3
completing the tour of austin snocones 2012 with my fam ...
reviews coming soon via my blog!! :)

themes mentioned:
:: family: 11 mentions
:: food: 10 mentions ;)
:: work: 4 mentions
:: health, hubs, friends & blog: 3 mentions each
:: self-care, household & olympics: 2 mentions each


image source: saul loeb/afp/getty images.

on feeling like an #epicfail.

so. normally, i try to post — both on my blog & on my facebook page —
mostly uplifting, positive stuff. because i believe the energy
you put out into the universe is the energy the universe sends back at you.

so i try to be a tigger rather than an eyeore.
i try to illustrate the half-fullness of the glass.
i try to put on a happy face.

because i want to be a happy, energetic person who sees the bright side of life
& brings a smile to others' faces wherever she goes, on- or offline.

& much of the time, i am that person.

but this summer, that person disappeared. i lost her, & it scared me.

she had been gradually fading for a while.

the past year or so has been really challenging for us as a family.
changes with my husband's career have meant tougher times re: money.
changes with our daughter — who is 13yo, need i say more? —
have meant tougher times re: parenting.
changes with my physiology — i am 45yo, need i say more? —
have meant tougher times all-around.

by this summer, i felt like i was failing.
failing as a mother. failing as a wife.
failing as a money-maker. failing as a money-manager.
failing as the glue that holds our family together.
failing at my to-do list. failing at my self-care.
failing at making anybody happy, especially myself.

& i felt like it was all on me & only me.
i felt loaded up with unfulfilled responsibilities
& weighed down by unmet expectations — many of them my own.

i was furiously treading water, but i. was. sinking.

but rather than shouting out for help, i isolated myself.
i didn't pick up phone calls or initiate get-togethers or
offer an explanation of why i was sobbing in the closet,
because i didn't want anyone to know i was going under.
i didn't reach out to my sweet husband, my first family or my dear friends,
because if i admitted needing help, then i was failing yet again. failing, squared.

my midsummer birthday, which i typically tout the whole month of july,
i downplayed, forbidding my husband from following through with his intent
to buy me a bicycle; too much money, i insisted.
my promise of a girls' night karaoke party to celebrate my 45th went unkept.

i grew crabbier & weepier with every daily task i couldn't complete,
with every work project i couldn't move forward,
with every cup left on the counter, every sock not in the hamper,
every traffic infraction committed anywhere close to me,
every ringing phone or buzzing text, every question, every meh answer,
every whine from anyone, including dogs.

by the beginning of august,
i was having occasional nighttime heart palpitations
& whole days where i literally could not stop crying.

& thank god for those days, for it was on one of them that i finally realized
i wasn't treading anymore. i was under.
i was fully submerged, with saltwater filling my lungs.
& it wasn't because i didn't try hard enough or stopped struggling;
it was because i had stones tied to my ankles — stones of
midlife stressors & midlife hormones & midlife, period.

stones i couldn't possibly untie on my own while i was still trying to keep swimming.

i sobbed uncontrollably as i wrote a lengthy email to my friend & obgyn,
confessing my suspicions that i was suffering from some fairly serious
depression/anxiety, outlining my symptoms & what i had tried on my own,
& rather urgently requesting her recommendation for what i should do ...

it's taken a whole lot for me to come to this conclusion —
that i need some sort of interventional help — being the
type A control freak superwoman with a plan of action
to fix just about anything sort of girl i am.
but i am miserable on the inside, & i am miserable to live with on the outside.
i'm just not myself, no matter how i try to get back to her.

i wrote that to my doctor friend. i cc'd my husband.

& i felt better. not all better, of course, but noticeably better, just typing the words.
just typing "i need help" & hitting the send button released a stone or two,
& buoyed me up, lifted me a little closer to the light & the air i'd been lacking.

which immediately & clearly revealed the ugly reality that
some of the stones were definitely my own, tied by me around my own ankles.
stones like superwoman & have it all & do it all & be it all,
& the biggest, heaviest stone of all, less than perfect = failure.

the ugly truth of the matter is that while i talk the talk of good is good enough,
& i'm happy to encourage & support other women in walking that walk,
down deep, underneath, i hold myself to a very different standard.
a standard so high that it has the ironic effect of dragging me way down. under.

so my doctor friend recommended an antidepressant & referred me to a cardiologist.
& six weeks later, the cardiologist has judged my heart to be perfectly healthy
[palpitations likely caused by a cocktail of stress & hormones],
& i'm pleased to report my heart feels happy again, with the rediscovery of me.

thanks to a winning combination of my vulnerability + bravery,
my friend's responsiveness + comfort, & a low daily dose of zoloft,
i'm once again swimming forward — with gratitude for grace & a deliberately slower pace,
so i can soak up the warmth of the sunshine & smell of the seabreeze with every stroke.


image source: marleymoo.tumblr.com.

powerful. pregnant. yahoo!

marissa mayer, the half-finnish daughter of
an art teacher & an engineer from wausau, wisconsin,
is now arguably america’s most powerful pregnant woman.

monday, 37yo mayer was named the new president & ceo of web giant yahoo!
tuesday, she revealed she’s pregnant with her first child, a baby boy, due in october.

prior to joining yahoo!,
she was employee #20 at google, & the company’s first girl engineer.
since 2010, mayer has been serving as vice president
of google’s local, locations & map services.
previously, she managed the company’s search team for over ten years.

huge kudos to mayer, who may be the
first-ever pregnant ceo of a fortune 500 tech company.
& huge kudos to yahoo! execs, who apparently were informed of her pregnancy
& didn’t let the term “delicate condition” be included in their decision-making.

mayer says she intends to work through only a handful of weeks of
maternity leave from home before returning to the workplace.

hmmm.

the reality is, mayer definitely has the resources
to actually follow through with her plan.
she has access to excellent childcare,
a schedule she sets herself,
a spouse with similar flexibility,
& tons of money.

but she still has literally a world of expectation on her professionally,
all the personal expectations – real, perceived & self-induced –
that naturally accompany motherhood,
a body full of chemical, hormonal & other physiological change,
& a little creature of love she’s going to want to be with all. the. time.

& how mayer deals with all that,
incidentally,
will send a socially significant message
about women & work & equality & america
& feminism & motherhood & life|work balance.

no pressure, marissa.

here’s hoping smart, hard-working, powerful, pregnant you
finds a way to build a better workplace for women;
finds a way to create a for-real family-friendly work culture,
with understanding & support, rather than judging & resentment;
finds a way to convince folks that pregnancy & parenthood
don’t diminish a woman’s worth in the workplace;
finds a way to help moms who don’t have the expansive resources you enjoy.

& here’s hoping new-mommy you
finds a way to spend as much time as
humanly possible sniffing the head
of that little creature of love.

because believe you me, yummybabyscalpscent is fleeting.


image source: latimes.com.

hit&run hula.

my happy place is hawai’i.

not greatly original or unique, i realize,
but whoomp, there it is.

i love all the things people love about it –
the balmy breezes, the warm waters, the natural splendor,
the island-y rhythm, the comfortable clothing, the spam.

but above all, maybe, i love hawai’ian music.
nothing is better than sitting out on a lanai by the sea
with a chilly umbrella drink & a live hawai’ian band.

& a live hawai’ian band is incomplete without a hula dancer,
lovely & smiling as she interprets the music through her body,
moving with such hypnotizing fluidity, she’s like the ocean herself.

so i’ve been a student of hula for almost two years.
i’m still a beginner – more like a rain puddle than the ocean –
but i love it. love love love it.

huge shout-out to my beautiful-inside-&-out instructor,
vivian kaw of island rhythms –
an amazingly talented teacher, & extremely kind, patient & positive
with remedial cases like me.

it’s vivian who introduced me to hit-&-run hula –
it’s like a regular flash mob, only hipper. [hee.]

a little youtube trolling, & i discovered a series
of hit&run hula videos from patrick makuakane
& his halau [school] hula, na lei hulu i ka wekiu [hula that evolves].

they staged a hit&run hula event
in san francisco on august 15, 2009,
entertaining frisco folks throughout the day
with surprise performances throughout the city –
places like golden gate park, the apple store,
a bay area rapid transit station & a castro district intersection.

here’s my favorite – 10a @ union square:



i left my heart in hawai’i . . .
but until my next return to my happy place,
hula class is a super-fun substitute!!

in austin & interested in hula?
click here for workshop info!


image source: hula moon by nancy hoke.

mother's day.

according to recent studies,
if we paid stay-at-home moms
a salary commensurate with their duties,
then they’d earn $117,000 a year.

meanwhile, mothers out in the workforce
continue to face a more than 20% pay gap,
& working women with children earn another
7 - 14% less than their childless peers.

so while a grocery-store bouquet, bag o’ candy
& some homemade cards are nice once a year
[ok, woefully inadequate – but well-intentioned],
wtf is happening the other 364 days?

i am enough,
but apparently not quite enough
to be compensated appropriately for my contributions –
to the company, to the family, to the world?

representing that crazy hybrid, the work-at-home mama,
please permit me to respond to that bullsh*t with a big old HMPH.

gender inequality is a cultural conundrum
developed over the history of the world.
so, just like the baby weight, it won’t be shed overnight.
or maybe even over our lifetimes.

but, also like the baby weight, it can be shed,
& it begins with baby steps. our baby steps.

here’s an inspiring idea from jennifer siebel,
ceo & founder of missrepresentation.org:

before we give a woman coming into the room the once-over
& before we feel threatened by another woman’s accomplishments,
let’s pause, dig down deep & see where those judgments begin:

the assumption of scarcity & the sense that there isn’t enough for all of us.

reject those thoughts, & rather, celebrate the fact
that we are all in this together –
that one woman’s success is a success for us all.

in accepting these feelings of abundance & connection,
& incorporating them into our lives,
we pave the path for a more just & equitable future for everyone.

dear mamas,
you do enough.
you are enough.

& there is enough –
room, money, opportunity, respect, happiness, success –
for every one of us.

so let’s start acting like it &
begin the change ourselves, for ourselves.

& if you like, then you can
put down the cookie, too, while you’re at it.

happy mother’s day.


image source: cutestlife.com.

equal pay day.

just like tax day, it comes around each year,
& is always a little depressing.
equal pay day.

49 years ago, president john f. kennedy signed
the equal pay act of 1963.
today, women still must work until mid-april of this year
in order to earn what the average american male earned last year.
yep — today's the day we catch up with where the men were january 1st.

according to the latest u.s. census stats,
full-time working women earn 77 cents for every dollar earned by men.
& naturally, the gap is wider for women of color.

*heavy. sigh.*

ok. so, the better-than-nothing news is,
president obama has flagged equal pay as a priority.
in fact, in his 2012 state of the union address, the president said,
" ... an economy built to last is one where we encourage
the talent & ingenuity of every person in this country.
that means women should earn equal pay for equal work."

so, what is the president doing to walk that talk?

1) he created the equal pay task force.
since its creation two years ago, the eptf has helped:

:: increase enforcement actions;

:: increase recovered money for women seeking
their fair share for doing the same work as men;

:: increase outreach to employers & employees alike,
with rewarding results; &

:: make sure the full weight of the federal government
is centered on closing the gender pay gap for good.

2) the department of labor is gathering & distributing good pay-gap info.

:: a solution to the gender pay-gap problem has been difficult
in large part because access to essential information has been limited.
the equal pay app challenge invited software developers to use
publicly available data & resources to create applications that provide
— greater access to pay data, organized by gender, race & ethnicity,
— interactive tools for early career coaching or online mentoring, or
— data to help inform pay negotiations.
the winners of the challenge have been announced, &
soon, anyone with a smartphone, tablet or computer
will be able to easily access the info they need to make sure they're paid fairly.

:: the dol has also just published two new brochures
to educate employees regarding their rights &
to ensure employers understand their obligations
under existing equal-pay laws.

let's hope once more americans know better,
more americans will do better.
until then, tip your waitress an extra 23% today,
in "celebration" of equal pay day.


image source: fringepop.

desperately seeking: my groove.

do you ever feel all askew?

lately, it's like i can't get into a groove.

i can't sort things through.
i can't get stuff done.
i can't organize my thoughts or my stacks or my time.

despite all that, i also can't seem to get
enough sleep or enough produce or enough exercise.
i can't get around to my work projects or my creative practices.

i can't bring myself to bring up difficult issues,
even though it will help ease them.

i often feel overwhelmed . . .
& overcome with the fantasy of napping for a solid week.
i rarely feel impassioned or inspired to action
[i.e., so inspired that i must act].

is this depression? i'm already doing antidepressants.
is this hormones? i'm ten days late & not pregnant.
is this midlife? longtime marriage + motherhood = bleh??

i feel like i've got a crowd of elephants
just milling about me all the time,
shuffling their giant-toenailed feet & vaguely swinging their trunks.

following me from room to room,
from school to grocery store to doctor's appointment to client meeting,
some connected tail-to-trunk, but others just free-roaming.

sometimes, i can coax two or three of them into some sort of orderly position,
but as soon as i begin to move the next one over to its spot,
one of them wanders off again, & soon i'm once again surrounded by
the world's most aimless, lumbering & pungent cocktail-party participants.

& so, i am askew. off-center. off-track.
& not sure how to get to "flow" again.

mama wants her groove back.

ideas? please, share 'em if you've got 'em.


image source: eadweard muybridge.

mount everest parenting.

thanks to my beautiful sister-friend, betsy
[who just had her second equally beautiful boy —
welcome to the world, baby o!!],
for sharing a brilliant parenting perspective
from the huffington post's glennon melton,
titled don't carpe diem:

"i think parenting young children (& old ones, i've heard)
is a little like climbing mount everest.

brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard
there's magic in the climb.

they try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb,
are impressive accomplishments.

they try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to
pause & lift their eyes & minds from the pain & drudgery,
the views are breathtaking.

they try because even though it hurts & it's hard,
there are moments that make it worth the hard.
these moments are so intense & unique that many people
who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again.

even though any climber will tell you that
most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer.
that they literally cried most of the way up."

omg, am i feeling this.

ok, owning it:
if they did job interviews for parenting,
then either i'd never have gotten the position to begin with,
or i'd have been limited to the newborn-adolescent division.

i'm feeling i'm not a good "fit" for parenting a teen.

of course, the natural next question for sardonic adults such as myself is,
"who is??"

& maybe assuming there are parents who "get" their teenagers,
who can sustain the teen tantrums without breaking a sweat
[or pouring a half-glass of pinot grigio or requesting a prescription],
who can be helpful to their child without being vilified for it by said child,
maybe assuming such parents exist is part of my problem.

but there definitely seem to be parents around
who are riding the waters | waves | tsunamis of adolescence
with relative ease, while i flail & sputter & gulp for air,
perpetually just moments from being dragged under for good.

but now i'm mixing my mother-nature metaphors . . .
c'mon, kristen — is it mountain-climbing or tsunami-riding?

well, maybe it's both. or maybe it's neither. i don't know.
but treacherous? exhausting? killer? this, i know.

& i know those pauses — the ones when i lift
my eyes & mind from the pain & drudgery in front of me
to soak in the breathtaking views?
those are definitely harder to remember to take.

it's a big-ass mountain, y'all.
& i reckon i haven't even entered the death zone yet.
but i didn't begin this climb to surrender to the elements.

so i guess i'll just keep on scrambling & traversing,
pausing whenever i feel the call to rest & survey the landscape . . .

trying to appreciate the spectacular in this miracle called everyday life,
& cherishing each breath as the atmosphere thins.


image source: photo by ryszard pawłowski, courtesy of wikipedia.

holiday 2011 debrief: the get-real edition.

oh, how i wish i could say
i haven't been blogging lately because
i was basking in a picture-perfect,
joyful, peaceful, carols at the hearth
with hot cocoa & baby marshmallows,
martha-stewart-style holiday.

but let's get real, shall we?

the truth is, i haven't been blogging lately
because i was tangled up in a holiday haze
of to-do lists, credit-card debt, sleep deprivation,
matriarchal martyrdom & good old-fashioned stress.

*sigh.*

yeah, 2011 wasn't my best year . . .
for christmas or much else.

& i'm not wading into the self-pity pool
for a wallowing. it wasn't all terrible.

christmas itself was rather lovely.
it was just the lead-up that sucked.

in spite of my best intentions,
i let self-care go,
which left plenty of space for
over-caffeination, over-carbohydration,
severe under-rest
& an overdeveloped sense of underappreciation.

can anyone relate at all?

so, thank goodness for new beginnings.
thank goodness for the new year,
for new intentions,
for a clean, crisp, blank white sheet of paper
upon which to write them.

thank goodness.
& hello, 2012!!


image source: erick maximo.

what i've got.

still thinking about gratitude today . . .

& focusing on being grateful for what i have
rather than concentrating on what i lack.

i'm so very thankful i have . . .

:: a sweet & loving husband.
:: two beautiful, bright & loving children.
:: two still-healthy septuagenarian parents
who brought me up to be who i am today.
:: a close & caring relationship with my sister & brother.
:: many, many birthfamily members who are bonus blessings.
:: a extra-special connection with my birth-aunt & half-sister.
:: three good, spotty dogs.
:: many, many fabulous friends, both near & far.
:: overall wellness & some wonderful folks who help me keep it.
:: a dream house in a great neighborhood.
:: my honda element, aka the happy-mobile.
:: a flourishing freelance career.
:: a cache of exceptional clients.
:: so much inspiration, i don't know what to do with it all.
:: oprah. gayle. ellen. rosie. renée.
:: ann. molly. ladybird. linda.
:: michelle o. elizabeth w. gabrielle g.
:: ella. sara. ingrid.
:: martha. pat. irmtraud.
:: my natural talents.
:: my god-given gifts.
:: aha! moments.
:: music, music, music.
:: a seeking spirit.
:: a well-developed sense of optimism.

& much, much more. but this is a good beginning.
so, how about you? what have you got that you're grateful for today??


image source: marthastewart.com.

say yes, say no.

so, i'm currently enrolled in & enjoying
a four-week telecourse with my dear friend,
author & life balance coach renée trudeau.

it's called a new way of being —
let go, embrace flow & love your life.

sounds amazing, yes? oh, yes.

yet, i'm realistic. i realize four hour-long conference calls,
a handful of emessages & a facebook group
aren't going to magically transform my life
or transport me into a new way of living it.

still, it's providing me with refreshed perspective,
some aha! insights, & many tasty concepts for my
spirit, intellect & psyche to chew on.

for example, during our latest class/call,
renée mentioned, as her new way of being,
things she was saying "yes" to
& others she was saying "no" to.

inspired, i put together my oui/non list du jour:

today, i say yes to
:: the fall weather front
:: morning minutes
:: following my gut for my girl
:: being softer & more structured simultaneously
:: pacing myself
:: a poncho-like sweater
:: a pedicure
:: approaching the holidays
:: three days of single parenthood
:: a glass of wine
:: scrapbooking
:: breathing
:: healing
:: abundance
:: love.

today, i say no to
:: humidity
:: contempt
:: hardness & harshness
:: resentment
:: scrambling to keep up
:: homework over sleep
:: mirror abuse
:: the why's of what's not working
:: worries about the past or the future
:: operating from fear.

so, what are you saying yes or no to today??


image source: newwayofbeing.net.

tuesday morning gratitudes.

it's been a while since i blogged gratitudes.

the truth is, i've not been feeling the thanks lately.

i've been too caught up in my teen-next-week daughter's
sudden spiral into adolescence/puberty.

seriously, it's like they flipped a switch at the first day of seventh grade
& BAM —
she's suddenly a puddle of insecurities, rather than
the full of awesome girl
of days apparently past. for a while, anyway.

*SIGH.*

so it's taken me a couple of months
& a handful of therapy sessions
to begin to get some perspective about
her hitting her "change of life" dangerously close to
the point at which i'll likely be hitting mine.

as a dear friend reminded me recently over lunch,
this is only the beginning of what will probably be,
at minimum, a five-year process.

"pace yourself," she counseled.

great idea. just not the natural response for a go-go gal like me.

but against my nature i will need to go
in order to get us both through to the college years. & beyond.

deep breath. giant step backward. look around.
ah, there it is. the rest of my life. still here, waiting patiently to resume.

& oh, i'm grateful for it.

:: for the ceaseless sea of laundry.

:: for the perpetual meal-prep/dish-wash cycle.

:: for the dreadful trips to the grocery store.

:: for the trashy backyard riddled with poop.

:: for the gacking & the wrestling & the insistent bell-ringing.

:: for the disorderly pile of shoes & outdoors in the front foyer.

:: for the glasses sitting in the kitchen sink half-full of dirty water.

:: for the always rumpled handtowel which somehow grows ever-filthier
with the drying of presumably clean hands.

:: for the turning of hundreds of inside-out socks.

:: for the freakouts, the meltdowns & the crackups.

:: for the reminders. & the reminders. & did you forget the reminders?

:: for the many, many unsaid thanks-moms.

for all of it, i'm infinitely grateful.

because without all that,
i wouldn't have them.


image source: zooz jewelry @ etsy.com.

love over fear.

my dear friend & inspirator [i just made that up — & i like it!] renee trudeau
has just launched a challenge/movement/psa
that is so very appropos for what we all face, day in & day out . . .

natural disasters. manmade atrocities.
contempt in the name of politics. mockery in the name of religion.
economic uncertainties. everyday incivilities.

it's a lot to deal with.
so, how do you deal with it?

love? or fear?

quoth the wise & wonderful renee:

we always have a choice in how we interact with each other & how we see the world.

we can come from fear —
where we constrict, shut down & cut ourselves off from others,
or we can come from love —
where we expand, open up, connect with & trust others.

our daily interactions are a reflection
of where we choose to hang out & live in:
the house of fear or the house of love.

i choose love.

& that's what renee's challenge/movement/psa is all about.

encouraging us all to mindfully choose to come from
a place of love rather than a place of fear in our daily doings.

to choose love
in traffic
in line at the drive-through or grocery store
in high-pressure meetings
in temper tantrums at the mall
with our partners
with our parents
with our children
with ourselves.

that's right — choosing love isn't just about doing unto others.
it's about doing right by you, too.
because the more you show you some love,
the more you can show others the same love, kindness & compassion.

the more you can ease into the flow of life.
the more you can trust the universe is working for you.
the more you can feel there is more than enough for everyone.
the more you can have a soft & open heart. every day. all day long.

& who doesn't want some of that?
[i do! i do!]

so, how will you choose love today?

suggestions for starting:
:: read renee's challenge & faq's about it.
:: visit her live inside out community & share stories about it.
:: get an i choose love tee [at cost] & clearly wear your intention.


image source: reneetrudeau.com.

four more days.

four more days
until i turn forty-four.

& while today's forty is young
relative to our parents' forty,
our bodies often don't seem to know the difference.

over the past year, my hormonal cycles have
become annoyingly inconsistent.
my silver stragglers have invited many friends
to the party at the crown of my hairline.
& i've put on enough weight —
especially around the mid-section —
to return me to weight watchers
[the day after my birthday, naturally].

going into my mid-forties,
i'm finally beginning to accept the fact that
i. am. aging.

& i'll be honest: it's not awesome.
but it is still better than the alternative.

here's what my girl ms. o knows for sure
about growing older — mantra-worthy, as ever:

people who lie about their age
are denying the truth & contributing to a sickness
pervading our society — the sickness of
wanting to be what you're not.

denial leads to delusion.

i know for sure that only by owning
who & what you are can you
step into the fullness of life.

every year should teach you something valuable;
whether you get the lesson is up to you.
every year brings you closer to
expressing your whole & healed self.

i celebrate that. honor it. hold it in reverence.
& i'm grateful for every age i'm blessed to become.


image source: pinterest.