desperately seeking: my groove.

do you ever feel all askew?

lately, it's like i can't get into a groove.

i can't sort things through.
i can't get stuff done.
i can't organize my thoughts or my stacks or my time.

despite all that, i also can't seem to get
enough sleep or enough produce or enough exercise.
i can't get around to my work projects or my creative practices.

i can't bring myself to bring up difficult issues,
even though it will help ease them.

i often feel overwhelmed . . .
& overcome with the fantasy of napping for a solid week.
i rarely feel impassioned or inspired to action
[i.e., so inspired that i must act].

is this depression? i'm already doing antidepressants.
is this hormones? i'm ten days late & not pregnant.
is this midlife? longtime marriage + motherhood = bleh??

i feel like i've got a crowd of elephants
just milling about me all the time,
shuffling their giant-toenailed feet & vaguely swinging their trunks.

following me from room to room,
from school to grocery store to doctor's appointment to client meeting,
some connected tail-to-trunk, but others just free-roaming.

sometimes, i can coax two or three of them into some sort of orderly position,
but as soon as i begin to move the next one over to its spot,
one of them wanders off again, & soon i'm once again surrounded by
the world's most aimless, lumbering & pungent cocktail-party participants.

& so, i am askew. off-center. off-track.
& not sure how to get to "flow" again.

mama wants her groove back.

ideas? please, share 'em if you've got 'em.


image source: eadweard muybridge.