no-foolin' gratitude.

authenticity is easy
when you're showing your light side.
your good side, your up side,
your i've-got-it-together side.

but it's not so easy to be the real deal
when your shadow side is showing.

when you're down, depressed, stressed.

when you're struggling with something, or several things,
you feel like you should be handling handily.

when you're making mistakes you've made many times,
errors that with repetition turn your embarrassment
to shame.

when your typical self is bright & happy & helpful,
& you desperately don't want to be a debbie downer.

because you don't want people to know you're failing falling.

so, in the spirit of true authenticity, i'll own it here & now:
i am. struggling. making mistakes. falling. down.

i have shadows. i am imperfect. i am human.
i err. i do it again. i am trying. & it is ok.
[& if i repeat that to myself enough times, maybe it really will be.]

so, according to amazing shame expert brené brown,
joy + gratitude are inextricably connected, & not the way we might think.
it's not joyful happenings that lead to gratitude;
it's a gratitude practice that leads to joy.

quoth dr. brown: "without exception, every person i interviewed
who described living a joyful life or who described themselves as joyful
actively practiced gratitude & attributed
their joyfulness to their gratitude practice."

so rather than listing what's wrong with my life at the moment
[a horrific habit i use to try to justify my negative mood,
but which actually serves only to worsen it],
i'm trying to practice gratitude.

[again, easy to do when things are going swell,
not so much when things are going not-as-well.]

so i've stuck a postit onto my bedside dresser & it says 'thank you.',
to remind me to say "thank you for this day & all it holds"
as soon as i open up my eyes in the morning.

& now, here's my list of gratitudes for today:

:: my talents as a writer.
:: my partnership with karen barry.
:: my new auxiliary biz as a petsitter [creature comforts pet care - austin].
:: my stable of sweet, solid clients.
:: my sweet, patient, understanding husband.
:: my dear, supportive, listening friends.
:: our terrific kids, good dogs, beautiful home & happymobile.
:: the rain.
:: the internet.
:: jazzercise, zumba & hula.
:: oprah, water & sleep.

joy will come.
hope it's soon.


image source: me!

top ten gratitudes.

monday morning
+
ten days 'til thanksgiving
=
perfect opportunity to share gratitudes.

1. despite ridge-y fingernails,
wacky hormones & other
signposts of aging,
my good health.

2. lavender essential oil.

3. rolling cold fronts.

4. a little autumn color here & there.

5. a clean[ish] house.

6. almost all laundry folded & put away
[for about ten minutes].

7. christmas music [i know, i know, too early.
but it makes me happy!].

8. good stuff coming in the mail.

9. an approaching girlfriend weekend. woot!

10. my kids arguing over who gets to snuggle with me.

so, what are you feeling the love for today??


image source: felt shmelt @ etsy

monday morning gratitudes.

no better way to get a week underway than with a laundry list of gratitudes ...

1. best. showerhead. ever. the speakman anystream, people. write it down.

2. method cleaning products, especially their new laundry detergent. cleans with a light, fresh scent, without toxins, and my heart's pumping for the pump [four pumps = a full load] － buh-bye, bulky jugs!

3. rupaul. i can't make it through a full episode of rupaul's drag race － too much drag queen/drama queen action for even me. but the back half is worth a gander ... rupaul is absolutely fabulous every show [including as his natural 50yo male self], and the moment when he lets one contestant know they're leaving is priceless － "you're fired"-equivalent catch phrase? "sashay away."

4. dancing with the stars － the girl can't help it. predictably hating nicole "pussycat doll" scherzinger － oversexed ringer. unexpectedly loving niecy nash － all that and an unabashed cheeseburger.

5. modern family － feels so good to have some watch-worthy sitcoms programmed into the dvr again! i've got a huge gay crush on cam/fizbo [though the actor, eric stonestreet, is apparently stone-straight, so unsure about all that ... ].

6. the phosphorescent green sheen on all outdoors of welcome, welcome springtime.

7. the top-secret duck pond we've discovered － only ten minutes from home with a sonic in-between, & with a new gang of ducklings weekly to be cooed over, counted & named [hello, newest additions: duck 1, duck 2 & speckles!!].

8. decluttered kids' spaces. updating of daughter's room decor still in progress, but earning taste trust through awesome area rug choices: priceless.

9. my sweet husband. double nickels & some kind of wonderful.

10. a yard that has be mowed, edged, weeded, trimmed, pruned, mulched & blown clean － all by someone else. :)


image source: abc.com

tuesday morning.

Time for some gratitudes, for sure.

1. Sunshine.

2. Ellen Degeneres.

3. Inspirational art.

4. The power of words.

5. Messages from the Universe.

6. Circles of women.

7. People around me who are much more understanding of me than I am myself.

8. The opportunity every new day offers to begin again.

9. Peanut butter.

10. The process of percolation.


image source: the ellen shop

Day 10 gratitude.

Technology －

my laptop, the worldwidenets, social networking &

yes, an occasional day off from it all. :)

Day 9 gratitude.

"When you arise in the morning, think of

what a precious privilege it is to be alive －

to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love."

－ Marcus Aurelius Antonius －

Life is good!! :)

Day 8 gratitude.

Two-day workweek!! :)

Day 7 gratitude.

Sunday at the park with fam.

Zilker. Bird-feeding & playscape-climbing.

No philosophizing. Such fun.

Day 6 gratitude.

IKEA.

I likea ikea.

Day 5 gratitude.

All the non-monetary ways my life is

rich beyond belief －

with health, family, friends, work, play,

creativity, spirituality, connection, freedom.

Happy Friday!!

Day 4 gratitude.

Falling asleep to the blustery ruckus of a thunderstorm.

Bonus: It's over by morning, & has delivered

a beautiful snap of autumnal weather. True story.

Day 3 gratitude.

My girlfriends －

generous, funny, smart, understanding &

sooo there for me.

Love you, grrlz!!

Day 2 gratitude.

My husband －

sweet, hilarious, brilliant, giving &

OMG, *patient.*

Love you, Honey.

Twelve-ish Days of Thanksgiving: Day 1 gratitude.

My very own money in my very own bank account.

[OK, not as much as above, but

the feeling of relief is similar.

Taxing October.]

monday midnight gratitudes.

1. the paychecks which will, without doubt, show up so, so soon.

2. the inheritance which will, with hope, show up sometime soon.

3. an awesome weekend full of good food, good shopping, the best company & utter hilarity.

4. doing good work for genuinely great clients.

5. a financial advisor who gets me.

6. healthy family, healthy me.

7. autumnal weather, as long as it lasts.

8. a few upcoming free weekends.

9. forty years of Sesame Street.

10. a whole month all about giving thanks.

midweek gratitudes.

Gliding over "hump day" with gratitude for:

1. my birthmom's original choice to put me up for adoption, as well as the opportunity to know & love her [& be loved by her] for the last 15 years of her life.

2. well-developed intuition.

3. my sweet husband.

4. our first date night for three weeks [woot!].

5. being past the pms [*phew!*].

6. a much smoother week for my fifth-grade girl.

7. close-to-cool mornings [almost down to 70 degrees].

8. our bird feeders & the birdies they help feed [especially the titmice, above].

9. girlfriend time.

10. getting all creative up in here.

thankful thursday.

Top ten things I'm thankful for today:

1. air-conditioning.

2. feeling more balanced following a decidedly less-balanced period.

3. summertime's looseness.

4. back-to-school time's structure.

5. silly jokes between friends that make you laugh aloud later just thinking about them.

6. clean, folded, put-away linen laundry [the sort of laundry I find most vexing].

7. our darling dogs and the little daily routine we've got going.

8. our neighbor's willow tree that gives our driveway afternoon shade from the searing sun [example of a willow above, but with a much more verdant environment].

9. warranties, insurance and helpful service people.

10. lists － I love 'em!!

Hopeful bonus gratitude:
11. rain [well, I would be really, really grateful for it, if it would just come . . . ]

So, what are you thankful for this Thursday??

trust. gratitude. inspiration. blog.

I heart this notion from Brené Brown's Ordinary Courage blog: weekly tgif － trust|gratitude|inspiration|friday － postings, where she asks and answers the questions:

Who/what are you trusting today?

Who/what are you grateful for today?

Who/what is inspiring you today?

Plus, her whole "twinkle lights of joy" theory [above] is amazing.

Today, I am trusting more work will come along.

Today, I am grateful for a little less work and a little more life [and sleep].

Today, I am inspired by this blog!!

monday morning gratitudes.

Happy Monday morning message from the universe:

Have faith & release fear of loss or lack; there is an abundance of everything!
Embrace abundance; expect prosperity.

So here's me, embracing abundance via thankfulness:

Grateful for my uber-abundance of work projects.

Grateful for my clients' patience.

Grateful for having some money in the bank.

Grateful for little boy's seemingly speedy recovery from middle-of-the-night vomiting.

Grateful for big girl's little wave goodbye as she left for Nature Camp, which I choose to interpret as "I love you, Mom."

Grateful for husband's understanding, concern & interference-running with kids in light of my currently wacky workload.

Grateful for working appliances & electronics.

Grateful for friends who want to spend time with me.

Grateful for friends who understand why I can't spend time with them at the moment.

Grateful for summertime, even though it's the hottest one ever (no exaggeration).

Grateful for a tough workout.

Grateful for a cool swimming pool.

Grateful for our trampoline.

Grateful for relative health & well-being (mine & my loved ones). 

Grateful for good dogs (& The Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan).

Grateful for Phineas & Ferb.

Grateful for tonight's dramatic finale of The Bachelorette (go, Ed!).

Grateful for a teensy shimmer of a light at what I assume may be the end of a long, long tunnel.

Grateful for a new day.

thankful thursday.

Ancient Greek philosopher (I sometimes wonder whether these guys had day jobs . . .) Epicurus believed the purpose of his philosophizing was to lead a happy, tranquil life, full of peace, freedom from fear and worry, self-sufficiency and a broad circle of friends.

Quoth Epicurus:

"Do not spoil what you have 

by desiring what you have not, 

but remember that what you now have 

was once among the things you only hoped for."

Dang, those ancient Greeks got it — almost 2,500 years ago!!

So thanks, Epicurus, for the reminder. Here are my top twelve gratitudes for today:

1. I, a natural catastrophizer, am not panicking about either the struggling economy or the swine flu.

2. My sweet, smart, kind & gifted husband (for he is surely something I once hoped for, earnestly and lengthily).

3. My talented, turbulent 'tween & my sensitive, silly six-year-old (oh, how I hoped for such beautiful children!).

4. All of our good health.

5. A comfortable work flow.

6. I don't need bifocals just yet.

7. I think I might have finally found a new dentist.

8. Our beautiful home, which I'm slowly but surely shaping up (again, a dream realized).

9. Happy mornings (few & far-between, but a wish come true, nevertheless).

10. Flying kites.

11. Sonic happy hour.

12. Dr. Maya Angelou, 81 (had the privilege of seeing her perform live last week — amazing, & surprisingly hilarious!).

So, what are you thankful for this Thursday afternoon??