skirting the issues.

hello, monday.

2012-01-30T15:00:00.000-06:00

hello, monday.

hello, end of january. already? already.
hello, begin again. & again. etc.

hello, three fewer pounds.
hello, water. ola, agua. bonjour, l'eau.
hello, neck exercises [neckercises?].

hello, morning minutes.
hello, truth talking.
hello, flowers just because.

hello, winter??

hello, teen budget experiment.
hello, financial planner confession.

hello, new milestone.
hello, region choir.
hello, austin ducks.
hello, puppy bowl.

hello, february.
hello, dear hearts.

bring the love.

image source: lulu bug jewelry @ etsy.com.

what's your musical taste?

2012-01-27T14:00:00.000-06:00

whatever it may be, drinkify's got you covered.

thanks to clever jessica jones of how about orange
for introducing this little boozy bff to my e-universe.

just type in what you're listening to,
& drinkify recommends just the right mix . . . er.
along with an alcoholic accompaniment, of course.

ella fitzgerald? bottle of merlot, room temp w/a twist of orange.

jack johnson? gin, honey & cranberry juice, garnished with shrimp.

puccini? 12 oz. reb bull.

john fahey? old rip van winkle bourbon, rocks w/bubblegum garnish.

kristin chenoweth? crown royal whiskey & red bull.

see how much fun?
go. try. giggle.
& if you've got the money for a liquor-store run
& the time to nurse a hangover, then sure — imbibe.

just be careful mixing genres.

image source: drinkify.org.

mama bear jewel.

2012-01-25T13:00:00.000-06:00

update on jewel, the ely, mn, black bear
with a den cam full of people of the interwebs
watching & waiting for her to give birth
[the pressure!!] . . .

jewel had two healthy, lively cubs
last sunday, 1.22.2012, around 7:30a.

the addition of newborns has made the den cam
much more interesting & made jewel's hopes of hibernation
much less likely to be realized —
tons of noise & activity pretty much around the clock.

you can read up on den happenings at the
wildlife research institute's daily updates,

you can watch a video of jewel
comforting her cacophonous cubs,

or you can go directly to the den cam for current cub status.

happy happy congratulations to first-time mama bear, jewel!

image source: wildlife research institute.

mount everest parenting.

2012-01-23T12:00:00.000-06:00

thanks to my beautiful sister-friend, betsy
[who just had her second equally beautiful boy —
welcome to the world, baby o!!],
for sharing a brilliant parenting perspective
from the huffington post's glennon melton,
titled don't carpe diem:

"i think parenting young children (& old ones, i've heard)
is a little like climbing mount everest.

brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard
there's magic in the climb.

they try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb,
are impressive accomplishments.

they try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to
pause & lift their eyes & minds from the pain & drudgery,
the views are breathtaking.

they try because even though it hurts & it's hard,
there are moments that make it worth the hard.
these moments are so intense & unique that many people
who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again.

even though any climber will tell you that
most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer.
that they literally cried most of the way up."

omg, am i feeling this.

ok, owning it:
if they did job interviews for parenting,
then either i'd never have gotten the position to begin with,
or i'd have been limited to the newborn-adolescent division.

i'm feeling i'm not a good "fit" for parenting a teen.

of course, the natural next question for sardonic adults such as myself is,
"who is??"

& maybe assuming there are parents who "get" their teenagers,
who can sustain the teen tantrums without breaking a sweat
[or pouring a half-glass of pinot grigio or requesting a prescription],
who can be helpful to their child without being vilified for it by said child,
maybe assuming such parents exist is part of my problem.

but there definitely seem to be parents around
who are riding the waters | waves | tsunamis of adolescence
with relative ease, while i flail & sputter & gulp for air,
perpetually just moments from being dragged under for good.

but now i'm mixing my mother-nature metaphors . . .
c'mon, kristen — is it mountain-climbing or tsunami-riding?

well, maybe it's both. or maybe it's neither. i don't know.
but treacherous? exhausting? killer? this, i know.

& i know those pauses — the ones when i lift
my eyes & mind from the pain & drudgery in front of me
to soak in the breathtaking views?
those are definitely harder to remember to take.

it's a big-ass mountain, y'all.
& i reckon i haven't even entered the death zone yet.
but i didn't begin this climb to surrender to the elements.

so i guess i'll just keep on scrambling & traversing,
pausing whenever i feel the call to rest & survey the landscape . . .

trying to appreciate the spectacular in this miracle called everyday life,
& cherishing each breath as the atmosphere thins.

image source: photo by ryszard pawłowski, courtesy of wikipedia.

live pregnant bears.

2012-01-20T06:00:00.000-06:00

today, i'm grateful not to be a pregnant black bear
up in -24F ely, minnesota,
with a den cam streaming live video of me
24/7 worldwide.

& i'm grateful to be able to watch live streaming video
of a black bear up in ely, minnesota,
as she prepares to give birth for the first time,
on my laptop in my climate-controlled home office here in austin, texas.

i mean, how amazing is that??

jewel is a 3yo black bear being tracked by
the north american bear center & the wildlife research institute.

the nabc is a nonprofit organization working to advance the long-term survival
of bears worldwide by replacing misconceptions with scientific facts.
it's also working to conserve bear habitat, stop bear poaching,
rehabilitate injured or orphaned bears back into the wild, &
find ways to reduce conflict between people & bears.

the wri is conducting the longest & most detailed black bear study
& the largest educational outreach program ever done for black bears.
its research is intended to improve the coexistence of people & bears
in an increasingly urbanized environment.

so these are good folks, trying to save great bears.

& they've got three different den cams working. totally awesome.
explore their websites, & if you want to follow jewel's journey, check this:
jewel's den cam.

image source: wildlife research institute daily updates.

before & after: the laundry room.

2012-01-16T11:00:00.000-06:00

last monday, i shared my just-before-christmas
guest room makeover-lite . . .
no building, no painting, not even a furniture rearrange;
just a lot of cleanup & a little decor refresh.

so, just before christmas this year,
i launched another room makeover . . .

because, really, what better time to
take on an additional home-improvement project than
in-between holiday shopping, wrapping, baking,
decorating, entertaining, etc.?

what is wrong with me?
yeah, don't answer that.

in my sanity's defense, i actually planned
& purchased all the materials for this revamp
way back last august/september.
but i needed help with the execution,
& it took a while to get around
to getting that part of it together.

yes, it's my laundry room.
i spend an abundance of time in there,
in that rather smallish, hallish room,
literally airing my family's dirty linens
[well, ok, if not airing, then washing, drying & folding them].
& while our old-school washer & dryer
are holding up for the time being,
the rest of the room wasn't really playing its supporting role.

ok, time for the befores:

from the entryway, viewing the left wall. beige, blah. & mess, yes.
kids' swimsuits hung up on door hooks.
pool tote & sack o' returnables hanging out on doorknob.
husband's clean shirt hung over door, awaiting transport
to the upstairs master closet & a hanger all its own.
lack of working storage space, as you'll see, was a HUGE issue.

panning down so you can see the galley-ness of the space,

the perky rugs i purchased in an inadequate effort to happy it up a little,

& the random crap accumulating around the room for lack of proper homes

[yes, that is a vacuum attachment hose sticking out of teen girl's riding boots].

panning up so you can see the atrocious amount of wasted vertical space,
thanks to our beautifully vaulted first-floor ceilings
& our builder's cheap-a$$ one-wall-long-shelf-in-a-laundry-room-is-plenty
approach [you know, some people actually call it a UTILITY room].
[& yes, that is a tin movie poster replica for viva las vegas.
i love me some elvis-annmargaret action. who doesn't?]

& showing the opposite side of the room, so you can see
the other end of the wall-long shelf, the extendable wall-hanger thing —
another stopgap measure, being misused for empty mismatched hangers,
dog harnesses & my travel purse — how more random crap has accumulated
up on the little wire storage shelf i added to the top of the washer,
& my wizard of oz movie poster calendar.

[i'm just realizing for the first time that this room had a theme:
garish vintage movie posters. not a good or desirable or well-executed theme,
but a theme, nonetheless. of sorts.]

also, you can't see it, but there's about 15 inches between the far wall & the washer,
where the aforementioned stuff is hanging over the aforementioned boots/vacuum hose,
a tall, pink, cylindrical trash can, a beatup green bucket, our steam cleaner &
a container of baking soda.

& finally, a quick snapshot of my other storage addition
[along with the washer-top shelf], a skinny, three-tiered wire caddy
sandwiched between the washer & dryer, & holding laundry necessities
like detergent, dryer sheets, lingerie bags & a bowl for pocket paraphernalia
in the top tier, along with even more accumulated random crap in the bottom tiers.

i can so feel your envy [snark snarksnark].

ok, time for the afters [yay!]:

i purposely chose a decor concept for my new & oh-so-improved laundry room:
the beach. because the beach is my favorite place to be, period.
i love the colors of the water & how the sunlight twinkles on it,
the soothing motion of the waves, the salty air, the feeling of the sea breeze.

so here's the view from the entryway, straight on.
i kept the hooks on the door, as they worked really well during summertime
for getting kids' soaked swimsuits off the floor & up to dry.

the paint is martha stewart living enamelware,
in eggshell finish, from the home depot.
it's a little greener — closer to aqua — than it's reading on my monitor.
i heart it, bigtime.

the comfy little rug is a microdry® ultimate luxury memory foam bath mat,
from bed bath & beyond.

against the left wall is this handy-dandy ironing organizer,
from target. the darling ironing board cover
came from etsy shop city chic country mouse
[sorry — the poor lighting situation doesn't do it cuteness-justice].
now i'm jonesin' for a new, cuter iron to go with it . . . maybe this one?

here's closer look at the wall opposite the door,
where i did a little decor detail.
the vintage blue glass ball jars came from etsy shop sunshine hill farm 1848;
the middle one is semi-filled with shells from world market.
the frame is one i got from exposures long ago,
but they don't seem to offer it any longer.
the "life is good at the beach" plaque is from primitives by kathy;
i found it at a barnes & noble store, of all spots.

oh, & the photo is of teen girl & little boy, when they were
little girl & baby boy [ca. 2006], loving the beach at galveston.

panning around to the right, you glean a sneak peek at some of my
new & HUGELY improved storage, along with my much, much happier
washer & dryer. we scooted them together against the back wall, but had to also
scoot them farther out from the right wall, to accommodate the dryer vent.

ok, here's the spectacular storage shot,
showing my wonderful white wire shelving [long shelves from organize-it,
short shelf over the dryer from my friendly neighborhood target store],
& all my beautiful baskety storage [white plastic woven baskets from world market;
water hyacinth bins from the container store].

do you hear angels singing? i do.

this is just a closer look at the area above the washer,
so you can see the beachy art
[ocean view {left} from etsy shop alice b. gardens photography,
conch shell closeup {right} from etsy shop ginger street studio]
& the salvaged white wire shelf atop the washer, now gorgeously organized
with more world market plastic woven storage [holding lingerie bags],
a bamboo organizer from the container store [holding dryer sheets],
& some plastic-lined planter baskets from ikea
[holding microfiber cloths & a tiny ipod speaker].

here's the door wall again, with my biggest storage addition
& the reason behind the scooting-over of the appliances:
a four-cube expedit shelving unit from ikea.
adding this puppy gives me not only a little more floor space
[since it's only about half as deep as the w/d], but also a little work surface
&, of course, the square storage shelves beneath.

atop the expedit are more ikea planter baskets, a lamp from target, &
a little puppy-schtuff bin from the container store [no longer available].
above the expedit is some space for hanging clothes,
along with a dozen joy mangano huggable hangers from target.

also, please note my self-created, streamlined new 2012 calender
hanging up on the wall, 100% gaudy-movie-poster-free. :)

ok, final shot — of the expedit in all its storing glory,
holding our bevy of beach towels, naturally,
& a couple of plastic milk crates from the container store
[they fit the cubes perfectly!].
the left one is holding a small bucket + sponge & laundry-essential extras;
the right one is [gasp!] empty . . . for now.

oh, & there's my new vellum-y trash can, too . . .
can't seem to remember whereabouts i found it. snap.

well, if you've hung in with me through this l - o - n - g post,
then a thousand thanks for indulging me in my latest love affair.

& just to wrap it all up with a big, beachy bow . . .

before:

after:

my laundry room.
aw, ma — i love it awful.

wanna see the laundry room that inspired me to makeover mine?
you already have — it's at the top o' the post! but you should check
the petersiks' awesome redo & their whole amazing blog,
while you're at it. thank you, john & sherry @ young house love!!

liza, judy & mario.

2012-01-11T10:00:00.000-06:00

i just can't get enough of the holidays.

ok, that's a lie.
i've had more than enough holiday hubbub & hoopla
[& histrionics?] to last me another near-year.

so next sunday, under threat of death
[or a nasty note, at least] from our homeowners association,
we're definitely packing up the merry at our house
[the christmas kind, at least].

but before we say farewell to all the falala,
i've just got to sneak in this final bit of jolly:

comedian mario cantone [whom i typically find obnoxious]
in a christmastime appearance on the view, holiday 2009,
doing impressions of celebrity xmas albums.

the finale mother-daughter "duet"
brings me to tears [of joy] every. single. time.

merry on, y'all. :)

image source: ms. t's blog.

before & after: the guest room.

2012-01-09T09:00:00.000-06:00

i love our home.

above is what it looked like
on our first christmas here, 2004.

isn't it amazing? i honestly hope to live here
the rest of my many thousands of days.

on the outside, it still looks much like this today,
except for our big, beautiful oak tree,
which is even bigger & more beautiful now.

but during the past year & a half or so,
i've begun to change it on the inside.

at 44, my decor style is finally developing
beyond a random gathering of items i like.

inspired by ~~fellow bloggers~~ diy heroes
john & sherry over at young house love,
i began making small changes here & there
to simply give some spaces & our home overall
a more complete & connected look & feel.

i'm not explaining this too well,
so here's hoping the photos tell the story a little better.

our guest room is our only downstairs bedroom,
& serves as our resident indoor storage facility
[counting the garage as our resident outdoor storage facility].

during much of the year, stuff just gets piled up in there —
stuff for craft, home & homework projects,
stuff from the last celebration, stuff for the next celebration,
all manner of photos & the stuff with which to organize them,
stuff en route to other destinations, both known & unknown . . .

i'm sure you understand. many homes & families,
i've discovered, have such an unintended way station.

anyway, our guest room gets cleaned up only under duress,
i.e., whenever an overnight guest visit is imminent.

like just before christmas, for example.

so just before christmas 2010,
i not only cleaned up our guest room,
but also reworked some of its key decor elements
in order to make it lighter, brighter & just plain happier.

ok, so here are the rather humiliating befores . . .

the view as you enter [clutter much?]:

the bed, head-on:

panning to the right, my photo wrangling project table + rather random bookcase:

directly right of the entry, the open door to the closet in the back
with a clutter-collecting tea tray in the front
[& our curious canine daisy investigating on the left]:

here, i am realizing i should have stepped into the room

& snapped a few shots from the bed side of the room

to provide a view of the closet/tea tray/entry side of the room.

sorry — i'm new to this whole before & after thing. sue me.

ok, so here are the greatly improved afters . . .

again, the entry view:

the bed with new linens, plus new curtains & a temporary bookbox nightstand:

the photo table, tidied up & a little top space cleared:

the bookcase, tidied & cleared, but still rather random:

the tea tray, tidied & cleared, + more carpet, less canine:

a "before" angle i neglected — the real nightstand:

it's so much better, but there's still so much work to be done in here.

mostly, i want to clear more clutter &
improve the storage so most of it is hidden.
& i want to work on the wall art,
so it's more thoughtful, more engaging & more complete.

so while there will likely be a b&a: the guest room 2 — the sequel,
i'm happy with the beginning i've created . . .

from this:

to this:

how about you? what fun room makeovers have you done lately?

holiday 2011 debrief: the get-real edition.

2012-01-07T08:00:00.000-06:00

oh, how i wish i could say
i haven't been blogging lately because
i was basking in a picture-perfect,
joyful, peaceful, carols at the hearth
with hot cocoa & baby marshmallows,
martha-stewart-style holiday.

but let's get real, shall we?

the truth is, i haven't been blogging lately
because i was tangled up in a holiday haze
of to-do lists, credit-card debt, sleep deprivation,
matriarchal martyrdom & good old-fashioned stress.

*sigh.*

yeah, 2011 wasn't my best year . . .
for christmas or much else.

& i'm not wading into the self-pity pool
for a wallowing. it wasn't all terrible.

christmas itself was rather lovely.
it was just the lead-up that sucked.

in spite of my best intentions,
i let self-care go,
which left plenty of space for
over-caffeination, over-carbohydration,
severe under-rest
& an overdeveloped sense of underappreciation.

can anyone relate at all?

so, thank goodness for new beginnings.
thank goodness for the new year,
for new intentions,
for a clean, crisp, blank white sheet of paper
upon which to write them.

thank goodness.
& hello, 2012!!

image source: erick maximo.

welcome back, mates.

2012-01-05T07:00:00.000-06:00

a light welcome-back post today for you & i both
following my month-long yuletide-induced hiatus . . .

courtesy of the 176-member crew of
the british royal navy's hms ocean,

who planned for a seven-week deployment exercise
but were diverted to libya for further operations

lasting seven-&-a-half months.

they returned safe & sound december ninth,
just in time for the holidays.

that was their day; this will brighten yours.
& here's to a wonderful 2012 for us all.

glad to be back, blogees & blogettes.

claus with pause.

2011-12-05T17:00:00.000-06:00

in the spirit of celebrating the season
[rather than preparing for a season to celebrate a day],
i settled in this first monday morning of december
& put together a list [yes, another list!]
of how i intend to spend this holiday,
as inspired by my favorite life balance guru & dear friend
renée trudeau.
[read her original, inspiring e-newsletter.]

renée suggests some themes for a new way of experiencing the holidays;
they all sounded delicious to me, so
i created an intentional sampler for the season
to help me celebrate with savor . . .

i'm calling my 2011 holiday plan [wait for it . . . ]
"claus with pause."

here's what i want for christmas
[oh, & some material stuff, too, of course!]:

:: unscheduled time — for napping, walking, yoga-ing.

:: creative expression — via decor, food, gifts.

:: spiritual practice — via gratitude, music, being out in nature.

:: abundant giving — of money, blankets & toys.

:: family connection — by expressing affection, appreciation & lightness.

how about you?
how do you want to experience the holidays?
& how do you plan to get there from here?

image source: yvi`s torten & tortenfiguren @ flickr.com.

'tis a season.

2011-11-24T16:00:00.000-06:00

i've been considering christmas.

of course, it's difficult not to
think of the holiday of holidays,
since it's been beginning to look a lot like it
since mid-october.

so i've been thinking about
how it's called the holiday season,
this annual span from
thanksgiving to the new year.

so this year, i'm trying to treat it as such.

rather than a timebomb-like countdown
to a single explosive day
of extreme merriment & overindulgence,

i'm trying to think of it as a season
that starts with abundance & gratitude,
& finishes with a fresh start,

with some giving, receiving & caroling in-between.

at the risk of seeming banal,
i'm trying to enjoy the journey.

avoid getting caught up in the
anticipation & expectation
as much as possible.

just be here now,
moment by seasonal moment.

live it like it's
more about the presence
than the presents, yo.

so here's my mantra for holiday 2011
[feel free to adopt or adapt as you like]:

find the joy.
share the jolly.
breathe deep

& believe.

image source: department56.com.

obama likes girls.

2011-11-17T15:00:00.000-06:00

a few months ago, the winners of the
inaugural google science fair
were announced.

from over 7,500 entries
from over 10,000 students
from over 90 countries,

three were chosen.
& they are all american girls.

how cool is that?

lauren hodge [above left]
won the 13-14yo age group
for studying the different levels
of carcinogens in grilled chicken,
depending upon the type of sauce used.

naomi shah [above right]
won the 15-16yo age group
for working to prove that
tweaking indoor environments can
improve air quality &
lessen dependence upon asthma medication.

shree bose [above, center]
won the 17-18yo age group & grand prize
for improving ovarian cancer treatment
for patients who have developed
a resistance to some chemotherapy drugs.

how cool is that?

earlier this month, these three amazing young women
visited the white house & the first couple.

about the same time, the president addressed a dinner
hosted by the national women's law center honoring
the women freedom riders of the civil rights movement.

he eloquently spoke of the importance of
continuing the fight for equality for women & girls.
"when women succeed," he said, "america succeeds."

sadly, american women still lag behind men
overall in science & math, & we still earn
only 77 cents for every man-earned dollar.

but, as the president duly noted,
this trio of bright, innovative girls
proves how america is still
"a place where ideas are born, where dreams can grow,

& where a student in a classroom
or a passenger on a bus
or a legal secretary in an office
can stand up & decide to change the world."

how cool is that??
really, really, really cool.

you go, girls.

image source: foxnews.com.

cure-walkin.'

2011-11-15T14:00:00.000-06:00

two days ago,
for the second time,
we walked the austin komen race for the cure.

5K with my family & fellow jazzercisers.

our oak hill jazzercisers walk-for-the-cure team
came together for the first time last year,
spurred by the loss of one of ours --
a dear friend of mine --
following a brutal battle
[is there any other sort?]
with breast cancer.

it took her breasts.
then it took her eyebrows.
then it took her life.

but it never took her spirit.

irmtraud fought to the bitter end, february 2010.

then last summer, one of our instructors
was diagnosed & began treatment.

rosi had completed chemo &
was scheduled to begin radiation the day after
she walked with us a year ago.

it was a long, hard 3.1 miles for her.
followed by a long, hard year.

but she wasn't alone.

here she is during the last leg of last year's walk,
getting a little help from oak hill jazzercise owner,
fearless leader & fabulous friend, grace.

breast cancer has sadly touched so many lives . . .
do you know anyone who doesn't know someone
who has suffered from this dread disease?

yeah. me, neither.

but it seems for every story of surrender
there's a story of survival.

happily, that was rosi's story this year.
here are she & grace again, at the 2011 walk.

what difference a year makes, huh?

blessedly, she's in full recovery &
we're all praying she stays there,

for next year's walk
& many more to come.

or for the cure & ensuing celebration,
whenever it comes.

*

a huge shout-out to
my amazingly generous family & friends,
who contributed $1,080 to support us & the cause.
i owe you. & you awe me.
thank you!!!!

monday morning mirth.

2011-11-14T07:00:00.000-06:00

mommies come up with such clever ways
to showcase their babies nowadays.

i've been enchanted by mila's daydreams,
as captured by her amazing mama, adele.

& i've been envious of clara's photo project,
as captured by her amazing folks, sherry + john.

but today, i'm lol'ing at young arthur,
apparent movie buff in-the-making,
as captured by his amazing mum, emily,
via the blog "arthur recreates scenes from classic movies."

fairly self-explanatory, really.

at top is arthur's recreation of, yes,
the godfather.

here's the blair witch project:

& alien:

for more giggles, go to arthur + emily's blog.
so very clever, & faster + cheaper than netflix.

happy week, all!! :D

what i've got.

2011-11-03T11:00:00.000-06:00

still thinking about gratitude today . . .

& focusing on being grateful for what i have
rather than concentrating on what i lack.

i'm so very thankful i have . . .

:: a sweet & loving husband.
:: two beautiful, bright & loving children.
:: two still-healthy septuagenarian parents
who brought me up to be who i am today.
:: a close & caring relationship with my sister & brother.
:: many, many birthfamily members who are bonus blessings.
:: a extra-special connection with my birth-aunt & half-sister.
:: three good, spotty dogs.
:: many, many fabulous friends, both near & far.
:: overall wellness & some wonderful folks who help me keep it.
:: a dream house in a great neighborhood.
:: my honda element, aka the happy-mobile.
:: a flourishing freelance career.
:: a cache of exceptional clients.
:: so much inspiration, i don't know what to do with it all.
:: oprah. gayle. ellen. rosie. renée.
:: ann. molly. ladybird. linda.
:: michelle o. elizabeth w. gabrielle g.
:: ella. sara. ingrid.
:: martha. pat. irmtraud.
:: my natural talents.
:: my god-given gifts.
:: aha! moments.
:: music, music, music.
:: a seeking spirit.
:: a well-developed sense of optimism.

& much, much more. but this is a good beginning.
so, how about you? what have you got that you're grateful for today??

image source: marthastewart.com.

awww & awe.

2011-11-01T10:00:00.000-06:00

& it's november.
the month of gratitude.

i'm kicking it off with
three things i'm grateful for today:

1. the power of the internet to connect our world
with fabulous, fascinating & fun information,
especially via video.

2. this hilarious, poignant video of
a little birthday girl's extreme dedication & love
for her puppy pinata — just under two minutes of
awwwwwww:

3. this beautiful, spiritual video of
a murmuration of european starlings signaling the beginning of winter
above ireland's river shannon — just under two minutes of
awe:

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

& you're welcome. :)
so, what are you grateful for today? please share [videos welcome]!

say yes, say no.

2011-10-28T09:00:00.000-05:00

so, i'm currently enrolled in & enjoying
a four-week telecourse with my dear friend,
author & life balance coach renée trudeau.

it's called a new way of being —
let go, embrace flow & love your life.

sounds amazing, yes? oh, yes.

yet, i'm realistic. i realize four hour-long conference calls,
a handful of emessages & a facebook group
aren't going to magically transform my life
or transport me into a new way of living it.

still, it's providing me with refreshed perspective,
some aha! insights, & many tasty concepts for my
spirit, intellect & psyche to chew on.

for example, during our latest class/call,
renée mentioned, as her new way of being,
things she was saying "yes" to
& others she was saying "no" to.

inspired, i put together my oui/non list du jour:

today, i say yes to
:: the fall weather front
:: morning minutes
:: following my gut for my girl
:: being softer & more structured simultaneously
:: pacing myself
:: a poncho-like sweater
:: a pedicure
:: approaching the holidays
:: three days of single parenthood
:: a glass of wine
:: scrapbooking
:: breathing
:: healing
:: abundance
:: love.

today, i say no to
:: humidity
:: contempt
:: hardness & harshness
:: resentment
:: scrambling to keep up
:: homework over sleep
:: mirror abuse
:: the why's of what's not working
:: worries about the past or the future
:: operating from fear.

so, what are you saying yes or no to today??

image source: newwayofbeing.net.

hello, monday. {linkup!}

2011-10-24T08:00:00.000-05:00

i'm linking up with lisa leonard
to tell this monday hello!

hello, final week of october — you've been a monstrous month!

hello, slowly improving weather.
[hello, rain? please???]

hello, appreciation for great clients.
[hello, new projects? please???]

hello, prepping for a creepy critters party —
pumpkins & spiders & skulls [oh, my!].

hello, putting final touches on hallowe'en costumes.

hello, putting christmas[!] binder together.

hello, empowered ease, morning minutes, decluttering,
oprah's lifeclass & universal guidance.

hello, three days of single-parenthood.

hello, return to scrapbooking.

hello, dearest girlfriends.

hello, dad's 80th year.

hello, new day for libya.

hello, old right for americans to peaceably assemble.

hello, monday — it's gonna be a good week, dangit!!

so, what are you saying hello to today?

a teen mom.

2011-10-19T07:00:00.000-05:00

a teen mom . . .
that's me.

not a mom who's a teen,
but as of today, a mom of a teen.

yep. big girl turns "lucky" 13 today.

& i don't like it.

not because we're already experiencing
a taste of teenage angst/attitude/hormones,
& realizing we're facing several years
of the same — & no doubt worse — ahead of us.

not because her growing up
means i'm growing old ... er.
[see "cruel irony of moms & daughters
going through 'the change' simultaneously."]

but because she's 13.
thirteen.

how is this possible

when she was just awakening us via baby monitor
with the sweetest little babbling sing-songs,
live from the crib at the crack of dawn,
bright & shiny as a penny in the brand new day?

when she was just riding in the front of the basket
& wowing the cashier at target
by answering the question about her favorite dinosaur
with "a pawathauwapholuth [parasaurapholus]"?

when she was just pressing her preschooler ear
to my big belly, "listening" to her little brother?
"does it sound like the ocean?" i wondered.
"it sounds like a little bird," she chirped.

how is this possible
when i was just feeling her
roll around in my round belly
yesterday?

i'm unnerved by how this occasion unravels me.

from seemingly nowhere, i'm reminded of
kahlil gibran's words of wisdom on children:

your children are not your children.
they are the sons & daughters of life's longing for itself.
they come through you, but not from you,
& though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

& i realize that until just about now,
i thought that poem was philosophically lovely,
but not really true.

i mean, of course she came from me —
look at her eyes, look at my stretch marks!
of course she belongs to me —
see how she needs me, see how i take care of her!

of course she is my child.
who else's??

today, i get it.

she has begun to shed the skin of being my child,
& today, i'm beginning to feel it.

what i'm feeling today are the first twinges of her
coming through me
into her own self.

& just like our first labor together,
i work to breathe through the pain.
breathe through to the other side.

welcome to the world,
my amazing, beautiful, brilliant, miraculous

teen girl.

image source: her & me, 11.98.

set your dvr!

2011-10-17T17:00:00.000-05:00

in one week, american teenagers spend
31 hours watching television,
17 hours listening to music,
10 hours online,
4 hours reading magazines,
& 3 hours watching movies.

that's almost eleven hours a day of media consumption.

& the collective message our young women & men
overwhelmingly get through that media is that
a woman's value & power lie in her youth, beauty & sexuality.

the documentary miss representation
challenges the media's extremely limited & frequently demeaning portrayals
of women & girls,
& exposes how the media contributes to the under-representation
of women in positions of power & influence in america.

today, the u.s. is 90th worldwide for women
in national legislatures.
women hold only 3% of executive positions
in american mainstream media, while
65% of women & girls have eating disorders.

the oprah winfrey network [own]
will air miss representation
this thursday, october 20th, @ 8p CDT,
followed by the doc club with rosie o'donnell.

rosie will talk with the filmmaker,
jennifer siebel newsom, about her movie
& the call-to-action campaign seeking to
empower women & girls to
challenge limiting labels in order to
fulfill their real potential.

not sure it's worth your dvr space? watch the trailer:

image source: gatherr.com.

this i believe.

2011-10-15T16:00:00.000-05:00

we think we are raising them,

but they are raising us,

teaching us new flight patterns

day by day,

& pushing us to be better

than we think we are.

~ gina ~

image source: eyeshoot photography@ etsy.com.

3 women 4 peace.

2011-10-13T15:00:00.000-05:00

last week, the 2011 nobel peace prize
was awarded to three women
"for their non-violent struggle for the safety of women
& for women's rights to full participation in peace-building work."

liberian president ellen johnson sirleaf, 72,
is africa's first democratically elected woman president.
she accepted the presidency in 2005, following
almost 15 years of civil war & a quarter-million deaths in her nation.
known as "the iron lady," sirleaf holds a harvard university master's degree
in public administration & is up for reelection this year.

liberian peace warrior leymah gbowee, 39,
led her country's women to defy warlords,
their use of child soldiers & rape as "a toy of war."
she inspired a huge group of chirstian & muslim women
to stage a 2002 sex strike, refusing to engage with their husbands
until the violence of liberia's 14+-year civil war was over.
gbowee is the executive director of the women-focused peace-building organization
women peace & security network africa, & a mother of five.

yemen's arab spring activist tawakkul karman, 32,
leads the human rights organization women journalists without chains.
she has braved prison many times to fight for
women's rights, media freedoms & political prisoners' release,
& is a leader in the uprising against yemen's longtime president.
she has not left sanaa's change square, the center of demonstrations,
for four months, for fear of assassination by the president's gunmen.
karman is the youngest peace prize winner ever,
the first arab woman ever to receive the nobel & a mother of three.

the 2011 laureates bump the number of women winners
to a whopping 15 in the 110-year history of the nobel peace prize.
they're the first women to receive the honor since 2004,
when kenyan ecologist wangari maathai won.

the american foreign press called the choice
to award the peace prize to the trio of women's rights activists
"a celebration of women's growing empowerment
globally & especially in deeply conservative & tribal communities."

united nations chief ban ki-moon called it
"a testament to the power of women's leadership ...
& the vital role women play in the advancement of
peace & security, development & human rights."

united states president barack obama said,
"the[se] three women are all not only examples of
remarkable determination & spirit, but also a reminder that
when we we empower women around the world,
everyone is better off."

deb & abb.

2011-10-12T14:00:00.000-05:00

it's been just over ten years
since we lost the world trade center.

it has been only two-&-a-half weeks
since we lost abby.

abby was the last living search dog
from the search dog foundation
who served her country courageously at ground zero.
& the only sdf search dog there
who lived long enough to see the tenth anniversary of 9|11.

this video, created as a tribute to that sorrowful occasion,
features debra tosch — abby's handler & the executive director of sdf —
talking with deep expertise & emotion
about her & abby's deployment to the world trade center
on september 11th, 2001.

for more info about abby, click here.
for more information about the foundation, click here.
to contribute to the sdf & its wonderful work, click here.

image source: search dog foundation.

tuesday morning gratitudes.

2011-10-11T13:00:00.000-05:00

it's been a while since i blogged gratitudes.

the truth is, i've not been feeling the thanks lately.

i've been too caught up in my teen-next-week daughter's
sudden spiral into adolescence/puberty.

seriously, it's like they flipped a switch at the first day of seventh grade
& BAM —
she's suddenly a puddle of insecurities, rather than
the full of awesome girl
of days apparently past. for a while, anyway.

*SIGH.*

so it's taken me a couple of months
& a handful of therapy sessions
to begin to get some perspective about
her hitting her "change of life" dangerously close to
the point at which i'll likely be hitting mine.

as a dear friend reminded me recently over lunch,
this is only the beginning of what will probably be,
at minimum, a five-year process.

"pace yourself," she counseled.

great idea. just not the natural response for a go-go gal like me.

but against my nature i will need to go
in order to get us both through to the college years. & beyond.

deep breath. giant step backward. look around.
ah, there it is. the rest of my life. still here, waiting patiently to resume.

& oh, i'm grateful for it.

:: for the ceaseless sea of laundry.

:: for the perpetual meal-prep/dish-wash cycle.

:: for the dreadful trips to the grocery store.

:: for the trashy backyard riddled with poop.

:: for the gacking & the wrestling & the insistent bell-ringing.

:: for the disorderly pile of shoes & outdoors in the front foyer.

:: for the glasses sitting in the kitchen sink half-full of dirty water.

:: for the always rumpled handtowel which somehow grows ever-filthier
with the drying of presumably clean hands.

:: for the turning of hundreds of inside-out socks.

:: for the freakouts, the meltdowns & the crackups.

:: for the reminders. & the reminders. & did you forget the reminders?

:: for the many, many unsaid thanks-moms.

for all of it, i'm infinitely grateful.

because without all that,
i wouldn't have them.

image source: zooz jewelry @ etsy.com.

hard to do.

2011-10-08T12:00:00.000-05:00

when people walk away from you,
let them go.

it doesn't mean that they are bad people.
it just means that their part in your story is over.

~ t.d. jakes ~

yeah, i've had my share of breakups.

romantic ones, oh, sure.
but some significant platonic ones, too.
& overall, i've found the latter much harder.

maybe because i feel once you love someone,
you can almost always, eventually, be friends.
because the love was built upon something to begin with, right?

naturally, there are extremes & exceptions.
people who aren't really who they purport to be
while you're falling in love with them, for example.

but in your garden-variety romances —
which seem to be mostly the sort i've had —
i've found my theory holds up fairly well.

of course, with friends —
"just" friends, platonic friends, girlfriends —
you can't break up & still be friends. duh.

of course, it's unusual for friends to experience
an actual breakup — a moment or conversation in which
someone actually recognizes the relationship
no longer works for them & walks away from it.

much more often, it's simply a series of
invitation regrets, unreturned calls, unreplied-to e-messages.

because breaking up is hard to do. from both sides.

i've had a handful of women i considered dear friends
break-up-without-actually-breaking-up with me.
& i think it's that amorphous drift —
without explanation, without definition, without clarity —
that makes it particularly difficult for me.

it's the not knowing —
what i might have done or not done,
what i might have been or not been —
that gets me.

that brings these women to mind again & again.
often not for months or even years,
but inevitably, a reminder triggers thoughts of them
& musings over just what the hell happened.

& once again, i must override my self-centered insecurities [redundant?]
by listening to my sweet wise woman self —

i simply was no longer the person
who could give them what they need or
they were no longer the person
who could provide what i need
in someone we call "friend."

still, for a while, they contributed greatly to my life,
in myriad ways — in beauty, in laughter, in support.
so regardless of why we're no longer friends,
i'm still grateful for our time together,
for the part they played in my story.

i wish them well. i wish them happiness.
i wish them health. i wish them ease.

& i still hold a spot for them in my heart.

image source: pinterest.com.

riding in cars with dogs.

2011-10-06T11:00:00.000-05:00

just a little reminder today
from photographer chris becker,
who developed his 2009-10 canine bliss series
in automobiles cruising along the coast of maine:

"much of the work i produce as a photographer
is complicated & can be interpreted
in any number of ways.

so i like that this series has a straightforward purpose:
to make the viewer smile, laugh &
remember to live in the moment."

smile. :)

laugh. :D

remember to live here now.

one day at a time.

2011-10-04T10:00:00.000-05:00

it is only possible to live

happily ever after

on a daily basis.

~ margaret bonanno ~

image source: crate&barrel.com.

when september ends.

2011-10-03T09:00:00.000-05:00

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends
[green day]

well, september, you were sort of a disappointment.

a month ago, i urged you to come
with better weather
with doable everydays
with self-care space
with change.

but no.

you came with wildfires.
you came with anxiety & negativity & temper tantrums.
you came with exhaustion & frustration & tears.

seriously, september.
you had your moments,
but mostly, you sort of sucked.

so off you go. we'll try again same time next year.

& helloooo, october.

already, you seem you hold more promise than your sister.
just your mild-enough-to-open-up-the-windows-overnight climate
helps me hold on to my faltering optimism.

& just in time, too.
what with the calendar filling up the way it is,
& with us perched atop the slippery slope
into christmas the way we are.

already, your cherubic pumpkins
your beaming sunflowers
your jauntily capped acorns
are lifting my spirits & easing my troubled mind.

you offer hope, october.

welcome.

your best day.

2011-09-28T08:00:00.000-05:00

the best day of your life is the one
on which you decide your life is your own.

no apologies or excuses.
no one to lean on, rely on or blame.

the gift of life is yours.

it is an amazing journey
& you alone are responsible
for the quality of it.

~ dan zadra ~

image source: david macdonald.

four-legged hope.

2011-09-27T07:00:00.000-05:00

several months ago, i wrote about big girl's & my volunteer efforts for
austin pets alive!,
an amazing rescue organization helping our hometown become
a no-kill city for homeless pets.

thanks in large part to apa!, austin hit no-kill status
[a minimum of 90% of homeless pets coming into the city shelter
leaving alive to forever homes]
for the first time last february.

this past summer, austin achieved & has sustained
the highest animal-save-rate of any urban community in america.

despite more than 20k dogs & cats impounded at our city shelter each year,
it looks like our hometown will save an annual average
of over 90% of them for 2011 —
which is particularly stunning considering only three years ago,
about half of all pets impounded in austin were killed.

just last month, the city shelter hit its highest save-rate to date
— 96% — putting down only 56 animals total in august;
two years ago, in august 2009, the shelter killed 600 homeless pets,
more than ten times what had to be done this year.

of course, crossing the official 90% no-kill status line
doesn't necessarily mean we're truly no-kill;
the city shelter, with the help of austin pets alive! & the austin humane society,
is aiming toward being a community where
NO healthy or treatable animals are killed.

but while the work goes on, three-thousand cheers for austin,
where the hope still lives for pups & kitties awaiting their forever homes.

image source: our apa! puppy love, skipper inkspots, three months.

au revoir, amc.

2011-09-26T17:00:00.000-05:00

now that it's over,
it's time to come clean.

for 75% of my life,
i've been an almost-daily watcher of
all my children.

i was raised as an as the world turns watcher,
as that was my mother's soap of choice for decades.
so i'm not sure how or why i picked up on amc —
especially since it was on a different network [abc] than atwt [cbs].

but i believe it was the hooker with a heart of gold storyline of
donna [said hooker],
chuck [the dr. to whom she gave said heart of gold],
& billy clyde tuggle [her super-duper evil pimp with what may be
the best evil pimp soap name ever]
that originally attracted my eleven-yo attention.

& for the next thirty-three years,
i've watched & videotaped & dvr'ed
the escapades of pine valley, pennsylvania's dysfunctional fictional families.

i've literally cheered & wept through
the lies, the infidelities, the catfights, the kidnappings,
the amnesia, the facial reconstructions, the impostors, the evil twins,
the unlocked doors, the relentless eavesdropping, the supercouples,
the angel visitations, the multiple resurrections,
ten of erica's twelve weddings — & eight of her ten legal marriages —
& so, so much more.

for over half of those years,
i've had company in my daily indulgence.

my sweet husband got hooked almost twenty years ago,
watching every evening alongside his besotted bride.
we created our own game of forecasting storyline conclusions —
the farther out timewise & the farther out ridonkulous-wise,
the greater the "win."

i'm proud to be married to the man who predicted well in advance both
harold the dog's cross-country return to reveal natalie's secret identity
as her psycho sister janet, at the altar & about to wed natalie's true love, trevor!
& the ultimate revivification of the heart of pine valley,
sweet stuart chandler, whose often-evil twin brother adam
had, in a drug-induced haze, accidentally gunned him down two years earlier.

all our children [see what I did there?] — all two of them,
now almost-13 & 8.5 yo — have been watching all their lives.
i was watching amc while we were still hospitalized post-partum,
& big girl has been known on many occasions
to correct or remind us of past storyline twists & turns.

but before you get all judge-y up in here
[wha?? she let her innocent children watch that daytime filth?!],
let me just note that amc provided our family with
not only limitless moral lessons —
eventually & without exception, every deceit or act of deviltry
came back around to bite the wrongdoer on the booty, bigtime —
but also abundant fodder for conversation/education about social issues:
divorce, alcoholism, drug addiction,
teenage pregnancy, std's, HIV/AIDS,
homophobia, racism, promiscuity.

in fact, big girl's only voiced concern
at the conclusion of our first big sex talk
was her ten-yo worry that the actors on amc
might accidentally have real sex during their scenes abed,
even though they're not really in love with one another.

[i eased her fears by letting her know
a) having accidental sex isn't really possible; &
b) everything the actors do on amc is pretend — including being naked.]

& so now, every day at noon, i am grieving.
grieving the loss of my mealtime companion, my daily indulgence, my stories.

but hope remains.

the final television broadcast ended with a trio of cliffhangers —
one more promised back-to-lifer,
a fabulous nod to gone with the wind,
& a dallas/sopranos gunshot/blackout mashup —
which may be resolved with the still-pending return of the show
in january, online, via the production company prospect park.

so here's to soap matriarch & amc creator agnes nixon.
& here's to resurrections.
to my guy tad, the next-generation father-figure.
to jackson's wry expressions & cara's ten-pound eyelashes.
to dr. david hayward's johnny-cash-with-brown-accents wardrobe.
to dr. angela hubbard, the wisest minority character of all.

& here's to hearing the self-explanatory words,
"i'm erica kane,"
haughtily uttered once again.

here's to another forty-one years, all my children.
& at least another thirty-three for this fan,
who counts herself among them.

love over fear.

2011-09-25T16:00:00.000-05:00

my dear friend & inspirator [i just made that up — & i like it!] renee trudeau
has just launched a challenge/movement/psa
that is so very appropos for what we all face, day in & day out . . .

natural disasters. manmade atrocities.
contempt in the name of politics. mockery in the name of religion.
economic uncertainties. everyday incivilities.

it's a lot to deal with.
so, how do you deal with it?

love? or fear?

quoth the wise & wonderful renee:

we always have a choice in how we interact with each other & how we see the world.

we can come from fear —
where we constrict, shut down & cut ourselves off from others,
or we can come from love —
where we expand, open up, connect with & trust others.

our daily interactions are a reflection
of where we choose to hang out & live in:
the house of fear or the house of love.

i choose love.

& that's what renee's challenge/movement/psa is all about.

encouraging us all to mindfully choose to come from
a place of love rather than a place of fear in our daily doings.

to choose love
in traffic
in line at the drive-through or grocery store
in high-pressure meetings
in temper tantrums at the mall
with our partners
with our parents
with our children
with ourselves.

that's right — choosing love isn't just about doing unto others.
it's about doing right by you, too.
because the more you show you some love,
the more you can show others the same love, kindness & compassion.

the more you can ease into the flow of life.
the more you can trust the universe is working for you.
the more you can feel there is more than enough for everyone.
the more you can have a soft & open heart. every day. all day long.

& who doesn't want some of that?
[i do! i do!]

so, how will you choose love today?

suggestions for starting:
:: read renee's challenge & faq's about it.
:: visit her live inside out community & share stories about it.
:: get an i choose love tee [at cost] & clearly wear your intention.

image source: reneetrudeau.com.

loving. hopeful. optimistic.

2011-09-24T15:00:00.000-05:00

my friends, love is better than anger.

hope is better than fear.

optimism is better than despair.

so let us be loving, hopeful & optimistic.
& we will change the world.

~ jack layton ~

image source: typeposters @ etsy.com.

full of awesome.

2011-09-23T14:00:00.000-05:00

i recently discovered a blog
i feel i should have known about,
being a self-described suburban feminist & all.

pigtail pals' cutesy-wootsy name
belies its noble & serious calling/mission/tagline:

redefine girly.

pigtail pals was created originally as a children's clothing company
by melissa wardy, a mom-preneur working with the intention
"to show girls they may be bold, adventurous & heroic, just like boys!"

according to her website,
"a pigtail pal doesn't wish upon a star & wait for her prince to show up.
a pigtail pal gets into her rocket ship & finds that star all on her own!"

melissa found a following of like-minded parents
wanting to preserve childhood through media literacy & creative play.

today, she works her blog & social media
to fight the marketing & sexualization negatively affecting childhood.

melissa, you go, girl.

i discovered her work through the following post, which itself is
full. of. awesome.

feel free to print it & tape it up on your bathroom mirror. i did.

there was a time when you were five years old,
& you woke up full of awesome.

you knew you were awesome.

you loved yourself.

you thought you were beautiful,
even with missing teeth & messy hair &
mismatched socks inside your grubby sneakers.

you loved your body & the things it could do.

you thought you were strong.

you knew you were smart.

do you still have it?
the awesome.

did someone take it from you?
did you let them?
did you hand it over, because someone told you
you weren’t beautiful enough, thin enough, smart enough, good enough?

why the hell would you listen to them?
did you consider they might be full of shit?

wouldn’t that be nuts, to tell my little girl that in another five or ten years,
she might hate herself because she doesn’t look like
a starving & photoshopped fashion model?
or even more bizarre, that she should be
sexy over smart, beautiful over bold?

are you freaking kidding me?

look at her. she is full of awesome.

you were, once.
maybe you still are.
maybe you are in the process of getting it back.

all I know is that if you aren’t waking up feeling like this about yourself,
you are really missing out.

image source: me of her, age twelve & still full of awesome.

who we are.

2011-09-11T11:23:00.001-05:00

tonight, let us think back to the sense of unity that prevailed on 9/11.

i know that it has, at times, frayed.

yet today’s achievement is a testament to the greatness of our country &
the determination of the american people.

the cause of securing our country is not complete.
but tonight, we are once again reminded that
america can do whatever we set our mind to.

that is the story of our history,
whether it’s the pursuit of prosperity for our people,
or the struggle for equality for all our citizens;
our commitment to stand up for our values abroad, &
our sacrifices to make the world a safer place.

let us remember that we can do these things
not just because of wealth or power,
but because of who we are:

one nation,
under god,
indivisible,
with liberty & justice for all.

thank you.
may god bless you.
& may god bless the United States of America.

u.s. president barack obama
on the occasion of the elimination of osama bin laden.
5.1.2011

image source: denise gould.

just be you. be just you.

2011-09-01T13:00:00.031-05:00

dare to be what you are

& learn to resign with a good grace

all that you are not.

~ henri-frederic amiel ~

image source: daily mail.

relentless summer.

2011-08-31T12:00:00.147-05:00

it's the last day of august 2011.
thank goodness.

for me, this summer has been a relentless parade of
rather stressful stuff.

:: a loved one's cancer diagnosis, surgery & eventual cure.
:: a ton of work that took 'til mid-august to complete.
:: a weeklong international family vacation.
:: three texas road trips.
:: tween puberty -> body-image issues.
:: third-grade leap -> labeling issues.
:: giant puppy [40+ lbs. @ 6 mos.] training.
:: searing heat [75 & counting days of 100+*F].

all somehow good [except for maybe the weather],
but still stressful.

so i didn't intend to put the blog on hold for a month,
but i have.
i guess maybe the blog & i, without really realizing it,
were both craving a break.

but we're back. & looking forward.

i hope you're still here.
& i hope you missed me.
because i'm still here & i missed you.

& i intend to do some serious back-blogging come september.
which reminds me . . .

come, september.

come & bring the autumnal equinox.
bring non-record-breaking, non-broken-record,
good old-fashioned double-digit temperatures.
bring our world a color other than brown.

come, september, & bring new, doable everydays.
bring new friends, new colleagues, new business.
bring new comfort, new commitment, new confidence.
bring new communication & connection, one day at a time.

come, september, & bring health, happiness & good dogs.
bring spots for resting, reading & creativity.
bring space for nesting, organization & clarity.
bring dancing, stitching & learning italian.

come, september. come & be a seasonal leader.
bring something new, something improved, something different.
bring change — & i'll do my best to bring
grace & gratitude to go with it.

how about you? what do you wish for september
to bring when it comes?

image source: lettergirl @ etsy.

awfully smart for a dumb blonde.

2011-08-01T11:00:00.010-05:00

"to all you girls who think you're fat

because you're not

a size zero,

you're the beautiful one.

it's society that's ugly."

~ marilyn monroe ~

image source: celeb-face.com.

an extraordinary first lady worth remembering.

2011-07-28T10:00:00.257-05:00

she called herself an ordinary woman.
a midwesterner, yes.
an almost-professional-dancer, sure.
a lawyer's wife, okay.
but ordinary?

not betty ford.

she was born elizabeth ann bloomer in 1918 in chicago.
she always wanted to be called elizabeth,
but got betty for life.

she moved with her family to michigan at the age of two.
at the age of twelve, she went to her first dance
with the boy who, twelve years later, became her first husband.

in-between, she modeled
& danced.
dance was a lifelong passion for betty,
beginning at eight with lessons,
& culminating at 20, when she spent a winter in new york
under the tutelage of modern dance pioneer
martha graham,
even performing in graham's dance troupe at carnegie hall.

but ultimately, she returned to michigan
& married her old sweetheart, an alcoholic like her father.
three years later, she decided to file for divorce,
but when he went into a coma, she cared for him
for another two years as he recovered.
they finally divorced in 1947.

within months, betty met grand rapids attorney
gerald rudolph ford, jr.
by the time he announced his run for congress,
she was already smitten.
they married in late 1948 &
honeymooned at republican party campaign rallies.
gerry won, & the fords were off to washington.

quipped betty later, "we came to washington
for 2 years & stayed for 28."

the fords had four children within seven years.
betty was hospitalized for a pinched neck nerve,
& began taking prescription painkillers.
gerry kept getting reelected & became house minority leader.

in october 1973, president richard nixon announced gerry
as his vice-presidential nominee for appointment
following spiro agnew's forced resignation.

betty was thrust into the high-profile political wife spotlight.
her first interview was with barbara walters.
walters' first question was about betty's perspective
on roe v. wade, which effectively legalized abortion.

betty's answer?
"i'm delighted, because i'm glad
they have taken abortion out of the backwoods
& put it into the hospitals."

delighted? did i mention gerry was a republican?

regardless of betty's progressive views
& penchant for being honest about them,
her husband became vp.

ten months later,
watergate forced nixon out
& the fords into the white house.

& betty kept on being betty.

she candidly disclosed
she had a nodule in her right breast.
it was malignant. she underwent a radical mastectomy
followed by two years of chemo.

she forthrightly revealed
she slept with her husband "as often as i can."
she straightforwardly said
if she were younger, she'd probably try pot.
& she frankly told the press she "wouldn't be surprised"
if her teenage daughter were to have premarital sex.

more than all that, she continued to
champion liberalized abortion laws,
she lobbied for ratification of the equal rights amendment,
& she promoted putting more women into
policymaking government positions.

by the end of 1975, she was ranked as
the nation's most admired woman.

when gerry lost the presidency to jimmy carter
the following year, his voice failed him,
so betty read the official concession statement
with smiling grace.

the fords moved to california,
where betty tried to fill her empty calendar & nest
with pills & vodka tonics.

in 1978, confronted by her family, betty divulged
her use of alcohol & prescription drugs
had become a dependency.
she entered rehab at long beach naval hospital.
& her experience there led her to found
the betty ford center in rancho mirage.

she authored two memoirs,
received the presidential medal of freedom,
& stayed married to gerry for 58 years until his 2006 death.

betty ford,
recovering addict,
cancer survivor,
& extraordinary first lady for all of thirty months,
died july 8th at the age of 93.

she left behind her sons, mike, steve & jack,
daughter susan, seven grandchildren &
seven more great-grandchildren.

"america had been a nation of shame-faced secrecy
in so many of its domestic affairs.
the 1970s was when that began to change.
betty ford was that transformation's joan of arc."
[rick perlstein, the new york times]

image source: david hume kennerly, betty atop the cabinet room table, her last full day as first lady, 1.19.77.

44.

2011-07-26T09:00:00.106-05:00

44 things about her @ 44.

1. she is perfectly imperfect.

2. today, the life wishes she had @ 22 have all come true.

3. she is happy.

4. she still feels something greater is waiting for her.

5. she is addicted to diet coke.

6. she wishes she had one right here, right now.

7. she is blessed with good eyebrows.

8. she has never had a cavity.

9. she has left the usa only twice.

10. she has never been to mexico.

11. she prefers tex-mex food over authentic mexican cuisine.

12. she thinks pinatas at parties are an invitation for trouble [& possibly trauma].

13. she feels the number 13 is lucky.

14. she lives life sleep-deprived.

15. she has days' worth of reading to catch up on,
not counting books.

16. she loves her blog.

17. she wants to journal consistently.

18. she has tried many, many times. unsuccessfully.

19. she believes people are essentially good &
trying their best.

20. she still can't believe she grew two
beautiful little people with her body.

21. she still isn't sure three dogs is a great idea.

22. she [ironically?] loves being alone.

23. she surrounds herself with words.

24. she works at being gentle with herself.

25. she isn't sure how to teach her children self-compassion.

26. she loves learning how to hula.

27. she wants to make money using her handwriting.

28. she wants to sing with a big band.

29. she wants to take a walking tour of ireland.

30. she wants to learn to speak italian
& go to italy.

31. she drives a happy-mobile.

32. she pays for the person behind her at the mcdonald's
drive-through once a week.

33. she loves turning 44 within two weeks of
our 44th president turning 50.

34. she believes in a higher power.

35. she believes a whole lotta power is within each of us.

36. she fantasizes about living somewhere with
non-extreme weather.

37. she misses lost in space, thirtysomething & mad men.

38. she is still in denial about the
cancellation of "all my children."

39. she has a strange fascination with
creepy true-crime television.

40. she has an odd fixation on bald, gay tv weathermen.

41. she misses her birthmom &
her two dear friends who have gone.

42. she is fairly sure her brain is over 50% song lyrics.

43. she isn't sure about the location of the line
between self-improvement & self-acceptance.

44. she loves her a list.

wasted.

2011-07-25T08:00:00.021-05:00

i don't know much about amy winehouse.

i know she was talented.
i know she was self-destructive.
i know she was 27.

& i know when you google images of her,
even when she doesn't look like a tragic trainwreck,
she doesn't ever look happy.

i guess she looks like
a life of amazing gifts
used to move & connect & change
for the better

wasted.

i just hope she has peace
wherever she is now.

image source: theplace2.ru.

four more days.

2011-07-15T07:00:00.007-05:00

four more days
until i turn forty-four.

& while today's forty is young
relative to our parents' forty,
our bodies often don't seem to know the difference.

over the past year, my hormonal cycles have
become annoyingly inconsistent.
my silver stragglers have invited many friends
to the party at the crown of my hairline.
& i've put on enough weight —
especially around the mid-section —
to return me to weight watchers
[the day after my birthday, naturally].

going into my mid-forties,
i'm finally beginning to accept the fact that
i. am. aging.

& i'll be honest: it's not awesome.
but it is still better than the alternative.

here's what my girl ms. o knows for sure
about growing older — mantra-worthy, as ever:

people who lie about their age
are denying the truth & contributing to a sickness
pervading our society — the sickness of
wanting to be what you're not.

denial leads to delusion.

i know for sure that only by owning
who & what you are can you
step into the fullness of life.

every year should teach you something valuable;
whether you get the lesson is up to you.
every year brings you closer to
expressing your whole & healed self.

i celebrate that. honor it. hold it in reverence.
& i'm grateful for every age i'm blessed to become.

image source: pinterest.

a cabaret chanteuse worth remembering.

2011-07-13T17:00:00.033-05:00

i sort of believe in reincarnation.

otherwise, i've got no explanation
for the magnetic draw that the decade of
the 1940s has always held for me.

the style, the movies, & especially
the music.
a decent rendition of "i'll be seeing you"
literally brings tears to my eyes.

the great american songbook — penned by
arlen, berlin, carmichael, ellington, the gershwins,
hart, kern, mercer, porter, rodgers
& their contemporaries —
is my soundtrack of choice.

preferably sung by the amazing ella fitzgerald.
but i also especially enjoy dinah washington, julie london,
peggy lee, judy garland, doris day,
rosemary clooney, bing crosby & that cuckoo frank sinatra.

of course, they're all long gone.
but there's a handful of modern interpreters
doing right by the songbook in my opinion
of extremely high standards for jazz standards —
guys like harry connick, jr. & michael bublé, for sure.

but i've had a harder time finding women
who can hold their own up against the greats.

until mary cleere haran.

touted by the new york times as
"the most literate chanteuse of her generation,"
ms. haran was a witty, musically sophisticated cabaret singer
who spent almost 25 years sustaining
the spirit of the songbook in old-school nightclubs like
the russian tea room, feinstein's, cafe carlyle &
the oak room at the algonquin hotel.

she was known for not only her pure vocal style &
thoughtful lyric interpretations, but also
the upbeat personality & subdued glamour
she reflected on-stage.

a san francisco native, ms. haran came to new york city
during the late 70s, & made her cabaret debut in 1985.
in 1992, she made her recording debut &
released a total of six albums over the next decade.
she also performed on and off broadway,
& had a recurring television role.

in addition to her illustrious performing career,
ms. haran was a respected writer & researcher
who was involved in the production of several PBS specials.

so, by now i'm sure you've noted my use of past tense.
mary cleere haran died last february at the age of 58.

she was taking a break from the big apple, living in florida,
& was hit while riding her bicycle
by a car backing out of a driveway.
she was on life support for two days, but never regained consciousness.

she's survived by her son, jacob, &
six of her seven irish-catholic siblings.

i just discovered the news of her death a few days ago,
& even though it happened five months ago,
i still wanted to honor this inspiring performer
with whom i connected via songs from seventy or so years ago.

maybe our paths will cross a little closer,
mary cleere haran,
the next time around.

image source: mary cleere haran's facebook page.

2011-07-11T16:00:00.024-05:00

it is the path off the path

that brings us to God.

for our hearts are just

small birds, waiting.

~ mark nepo, the book of awakening

image source: lovebug122.

great cogitations.

2011-07-09T15:00:00.105-05:00

guy-to-girl translator & vice versa.
great idea, yes?

as is the location of its origin,
the idea swap.

yes, another brilliant way to time-suck on the internet.

the concept is simple:
you submit an idea of 150 characters or fewer [greatness not required],
& trade them with other people's ideas of <150 characters.

click::idea.
click::idea.
click::idea.

some great. some impossible. some silly. some soulful.

you can just keep on clicking & idea-gathering until . . .
well, until you've time-sucked to your satisfaction.
or your self-reproach. or your just plain boredom.

or until you hit a keeper like this:
just make small & steady progress
toward a few clear goals.
make cool stuff.
make things better.

niiice.

& typing of great ideas, the australians
have had another one [in addition to
huge beers, sexy accents & hugh jackman].

according to gizmag, aussie researchers at
the royal melbourne institute of technology
may have found a way to power laptop computers
by typing on them.

the discovery involves piezoelectric materials －
which can convert mechanical energy into electric power.
research on piezoelectric thin films is fairly new,
but this study's findings on such material's
capacity for turning mechanics into electricity
is promising － & not just for electronics.

“the power of piezoelectrics could be integrated into
running shoes to charge mobile phones
or used to convert blood pressure
into a power source for pacemakers —
essentially creating an everlasting battery,”
says dr. madhu bhaskaran, the study’s co-author.

& for the ipad-ites among us, never fear －
scientists are also exploring ways to
power touchscreen devices through finger-swiping.

sah-weet.

image source: the idea swap.

c'mon. get happy.

2011-07-07T14:00:00.022-05:00

so.

this summer, to date, has been less than stellar.

too much work. not enough playtime.
too much extreme heat + humidity. not enough rain.
too much eating. not enough exercising.
too much sibling refereeing. not enough family fun.

all shadowed by worry & stress concerning
some serious first-family health issues.

they even cancelled our fireworks [fire hazard].

to date, this has been a rather big-bummer summer.

so i was happy to see happiness guru gretchen rubin's
recent blog post, want to feel happier by the end of the day?
your menu of options. [well, i was en route to happy, anyway.]

now, ms. rubin has studied happiness
& the real reasons behind it comprehensively,
so when she offers a checklist of
31-derful research-proven ways to improve your mood,
then i'm printing it, sharing it & following it.

& as i head into what may well be the
most difficult week of my summer 2011,
i'm highlighting the ten simplest actions
i can do from the list,
& giving myself ultimate permission to do a couple
whenever the bum threatens to overwhelm:

1. call or email a close friend.

2. add a fun thing to my calendar.

3. spend 15 minutes on the internet reading
about a subject i want to learn more about.

4. give $25 to a worthy cause.

5. do ten jumping jacks/walk around the block/go for a run.

6. tidy up a computer folder.

7. schedule a doctor's appointment i've been postponing.

8. send replies to three e-messages i've been meaning to respond to.

9. toss someone else's litter.

10. blog about what i'm grateful for.

want to print, share or follow the whole list? here you go.
& if you're still not happy, then oprah's got another 25 ways to beat the blues.

image source: going places 2 @ etsy.com.

name that blog.

2011-07-05T13:00:00.014-05:00

notice anything different about my blog, careful readers?
anything new at all?

no, it hasn't lost weight.
no, it hasn't changed its 'do.
no, it hasn't begun posting with greater regularity.
[snap. dang!]

ok. it's not that big of a deal,
so don't feel bad for not noticing.

i changed my blog's explanatory subtitle.

it was: because feminism isn't the f-word.
it is: notions of a suburban feminist.

why the change?

i simply wanted something that more accurately
explained what this blog is.

it is woman-centric.
because i am a woman, &
because what i want this blog to do is connect with women.
so skirting the issues still applies.

but i felt the former subtitle
might have implied a politicism to my content
that definitely emerges from time to time,
but that is not what this blog is all about.

this blog is all about life, work & the world
from the perspective of

a 40something
woman
mom
wife
entrepreneur
sister
daughter
friend
texan
american
democrat
people pleaser
emotional eater
& control freak

working toward
physical health
financial well-being
a happy nest
consistent creativity
balance
peace
more sleep
less diet coke
respect for mother nature
& yes, equality for women.

so, what do you think?
does notions of a suburban feminist cover it?
got other thoughts?
please feel free to share . . .

& while you're mulling, enjoy
this slice of inspiration pie
a la the feminist majority:

"the idea was never victory and defeat.
the whole idea was,
you should pardon the expression,
equality － that we're actual human beings,
& that was it.
i know it sounds radical,
but that was it."
~ gloria steinem, explaining the concept
of feminism to stephen colbert.

image source: me + instagram.

happy independence day.

2011-07-04T00:00:00.002-05:00

image source: every creative endeavor.

new views for blogs.

2011-06-30T13:00:00.010-05:00

growing weary of scrolling linearly through blogs??
well, sure. who isn't?

well, thank goodness for blogger's best-kept secret,
its dynamic viewing options.

seriously, this is pretty cool.
[even if you're not miley cyrus. which i'm not.]

you can view any site powered by blogger –
such as the one you're at right now –
five different ways: flipcard, mosaic [my fave],
sidebar, snapshot or timeslide.

click here to see skirting the issues in mosaic.
as you roll over the photos, the post titles will show;
click on a photo, & it expands to show the whole post.

see? pretty cool.

use the top right drop-down menu to change views.
use the left title drop-down menu to change blogs.

call up dynamic viewing options for any blog
by entering the regular url followed by /view.

special thanks to jessica jones' how about orange blog,
who let me in on all this pretty coolitude.

image source: blogger.

three little words.

2011-06-29T13:00:00.028-05:00

& now, a word of inspiration from thomas dexter jakes, sr.,
chief pastor of a 30,000-member dallas-based
non-denominational megachurch,
& wise guy:

there are people who can walk away from you.

& hear me when i tell you this:
when people can walk away from you, let them walk.
i don’t want you to try to talk another person
into staying with you, loving you, calling you,
caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.
i mean hang up the phone.

when people can walk away from you, let them walk.
your destiny is never tied to anybody who left.

people leave you because they are not joined to you.
& if they are not joined to you, then you can’t make them stay.

let them go.

& it doesn’t mean they are a bad person.
it just means their part in the story is over.
& you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over,
so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.
you’ve got to know when it’s dead.

you’ve got to know when it’s over.
let me tell you something.
i’ve got the gift of good-bye. i believe in good-bye.
it’s not that i’m hateful; it’s that i’m faithful,
& i know whatever god means for me to have, he’ll give it to me.
& if it takes too much sweat, then i don’t need it.
stop begging people to stay.

let them go!!

if you are holding onto something that doesn’t belong to you
& was never intended for your life, then you need to
let it go!!

if you are holding onto past hurts and pains,
let it go!!

if someone can’t treat you right, love you back & see your worth,
let it go!!

if someone has angered you,
let it go!!

if you are holding onto some thoughts of evil & revenge,
let it go!!

if you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction,
let it go!!

if you are holding onto a job that no longer meets your needs or talents,
let it go!!

if you have a bad attitude,
let it go!!

if you keep judging others to make yourself feel better,
let it go!!

if you are stuck in the past & god is trying to move you forward,
let it go!!

if you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship,
let it go!!

if you keep trying to help someone who won’t try to help themselves,
let it go!!

if you are feeling depressed and stressed,
let it go!!

if there is a particular situation you are so used to handling yourself
& god is saying ‘take your hands off of it,’
then you need to
let it go!!

let the past be the past.
forget the former things.
god is doing a new thing.
let it go!!

get right or get left,
think about it, & then
let it go!!

so, what are you ready to let go of today?

image source: new times.

a couple of swell finds.

2011-06-28T12:00:00.112-05:00

i always experience mixed feelings
when i come across a new website or blog
to love.

yay! online awesomeness!
boo. more methods of time-suckage.

nevertheless, i've recently discovered
a couple of swell sites i've just got to share with you.

& i accept no responsibility for your time-suckage.
you're on your own.

#1. life lift – the oprah blog.

this blog – not authored by ms. o herself,
but by several of her magnificent minions –
launched late may & is chock full o'
the good stuff – in its own words,
engaging news coverage, fresh inspiration &
the straight talk you've come to count on.

today, for example, life lift has posted
a thought for the day, a holiday recipe,
a book review, some ideas for something "fresh" to do,
a touching video of a graduating-sister-marine-brother reunion,
& yet another new website to love.

a couple of my favorite features of life lift
are mondays' the 35-second aha! moment
[my fave from last monday: a quote from
comedian louis c.k. in the season premiere of louie,
breaking down the rules of fairness for his daughter –
"the only time you look into your neighbor's bowl
is to make sure they have enough.
you don't look into your neighbor's bowl
to make sure you have as much as them."]
& fridays' gratitudes
[because i love me a reminder to practice gratitude!].
i also came across the above amazing video
of floating lanterns over poland at life lift.

anyway, for the daily dose of fresh oprah you may be missing
since her talk-show exit, you might give life lift a go.

#2. pinterest.

this website is a huge time-suck . . . & i love it.
in fact, it's become my internet time-suck of choice.
[sorry, facebook. somebody's got to be the understudy.]

so, what is pinterest? again, in its own words,
a virtual pinboard –
a place where you can create collections of things you love
& "follow" collections created by people with great taste.

the best way to check it out is to try it out for yourself.
just go to pinterest & search –
"july fourth," or "baby gifts" or "quotes" or what-have-you –
& see what comes up.

if you ~~like~~ love, then megan's sortacrunchy blog features
a great beginner's guide to pinterest –
definitely see what it's all about once you choose to become
in with the pin crowd.

as she sees it [& i agree], pinterest isn't
just another lovely float in a neverending parade of time-sucks;
it offers beauty, humor, useful information, unexpected connections
& above all, inspiration.

& who can't use more of all that stuff there?

image source: pinterest [of course!].

e.r.a.gain.

2011-06-27T12:00:00.013-05:00

under the u.s. constitution,
discriminating against a person of color
is punishable by law.
discriminating against a woman
isn't.

some americans have been trying to
fix this discrepancy for 88 years,
without success.

thank goodness, they're not done trying.

the equal rights amendment [e r a]
to the u.s. constitution
was originally written by american suffragette alice paul
& introduced in congress in 1923.

51 years later, in 1972, the e r a
was passed by both the u.s. house & senate
by a two-thirds vote.
it had a decade to become ratified
by two-thirds of the states [38].
it died in 1982, lacking only three more states' approval.

the amendment consists of 52 words,
with the key line being:

"equality of rights under the law
shall not be denied or abridged
by the united states or by any state
on account of sex."

that's the sentence that means
men & women will have equal rights under the law.

that's the sentence that will make the courts
treat gender discrimination with the same strict scrutiny they use to deal with racial discrimination.

who would have thought american women
were considered lesser citizens than black men??
of course, they got the right to vote first, too.

june 21st, u.s. senator robert menendez of new jersey
& u.s. representative carolyn maloney of new york
reintroduced the e r a,
now known as the women's equality amendment.

why? because as long a way as we've come,
baby,
over the past few decades,
as many glass ceilings as we've shattered,
as many positions of power we've proven we can excel at,
as many military members as we've sent into war,
women are still underpaid & underrepresented
here in the good ol' u s of a.

president obama – surrounded by strong, smart, capable
women & girls who also happen to be
the people he holds closest to his heart –
has put his full support behind passage of the w e a.

quoth my president:
"history shows that countries are more prosperous
& more peaceful when women are empowered."

& so, a week prior to the national holiday
celebrating the freedoms offered by our country,
i must ask in response to mr. president's observation:

why not america??

image source: banning+low.

finding contentment in imperfection.

2011-06-26T12:00:00.004-05:00

on friday, in petaluma, california,
at the 23rd annual sonoma-marin fair's
world's ugliest dog contest,
the $1,000 top prize went to
a 14yo female chinese-crested chihuahua mix
owned by terry schumacher of hanford, ca.

her name is yoda.
& ugly she is, yes.

but she reminded me of a phrase
i came across earlier this week
& just jotted down on a post-it:

finding contentment in imperfection.

yoda probably doesn't know she's ugly,
or if she does, then not how ugly,
& regardless, to her, it's just not important.

what matters to her is that
she has food,
she has a home,
she has a family,
& she has love.

& however flawed her body & face may be,
they have gotten her to the ripe old doggie age of
14 years = almost 100 in human years,

& have let her keep on
gobbling up bowlfuls of satisfying meatiness,
napping in her favorite sunshine-warmed spots,
snuffling in the aromas of life all around her,
& snuggling up cozily with her loved ones.

she is practically the picture of imperfection.
yet she is a dog, so contentment is hers.

go, yoda.
show the world how
contentment in imperfection is found,
yes.

image source: justin sullivan/getty images.

self-compassion = key to success.

2011-06-25T11:00:00.007-05:00

it's official:
research is proving that
being kind to yourself
may be the most important
life skill you can have.

according to livescience,
a new field of research suggests that
not only does self-compassion help develop
resilience, energy, creativity & courage,

but also that self-esteem – long believed to be
the magic spell for the confident child –
is actually associated with mental-health issues
like narcissism & emotional fragility.

so, what is self-compassion, exactly?

let's begin with compassion,
which – according to university of texas at austin
associate professor & author of the book
self-compassion, kristin neff –
is sensitivity to the suffering of self & others
& a commitment to do something about it.

self-compassion has three key elements:
1) mindfulness of your own thoughts & feelings;
2) a sense of common humanity; &
3) treating yourself kindly.

& the main difference between
self-compassion & self-esteem?

self-compassion is a way of relating to your self;
self-esteem is a measure of yourself against others.

it turns out, the secret to success
is the ability to fail . . . successfully.

people with self-compassion aren't afraid of failing,
because they don't experience mental fallout from it.

so they understand & accept their own faults,
they're braver, &
they're better able to persevere.

so, how to instill your kids with self-compassion?
click here for five ways to foster it in your children.

image source: art = happy @ etsy.com.

hello, summer.

2011-06-23T11:00:00.003-05:00

here in the heart of texas,
we've been having summer-equivalent
for quite a while now.

we hit 100 degrees for the first time may 25th,
& have hit it 15 more times since.

yeah, it's gonna be a scorcher.

& here on the blog,
i've been radio-silent
for a couple of weeks & counting.

why? same as it ever was . . .

life –
settling into a shifting-weekly summertime schedule,
trying to guide the kids toward the next level,
housetraining & training-training a puppy,
organizing & beautifying our home,
dealing with some first-family sickness & associated stress.

& work –
cranking through a couple of huge projects,
trying to keep them moving forward,
hoping to complete them by mid-july
so mama can have some summer time off.
oh, yeah – & get me some money, too.

juggling full plates nowadays
while wishing for the ocean.
the breeze. the sunshine. the salt. the sand.
mornings outside playing at the beach.
afternoons inside reading & napping.

sigh. maybe someday.

not sure it will be this summer.
too much up in the air to know for sure.

still, i say,
hello, summer.

hello, sunshine. hello, pool. hello, sno-cones.

hello, front porch & back patio.
hello, sunscreen & bugspray.

hello, camps & classes.
hello, teaching & learning.

hello, fresh food.
hello, weight watchers.
hello, money management.
hello, further beautification & organization.
hello, photo catchup.
hello, blogger.

hello, austin.
hello, dallas.
hello, canada.

hello, summer 2011,
summer of going along for the ride.
happy you're here.

image source: mingta photography @ etsy.com.

summer system, 2011.

2011-06-06T11:00:00.019-05:00

the day after the
last day of school,
2011.
2 p.m.

"this is the most boringest summer ever."

direct quote from the little boy.
mommy chokes down tears.

it happens every year,
yet i'm ever inexplicably unprepared for it.

i spend the merry month of may
twirling in the twister of
year-end this & appreciation that,
& by the time the final bell rings,
i'm fairly spent.

& i figure the kids must be, too.
done. exhausted. ready for some good, old-fashioned,
unstructured, unplanned free time.
a handful of days of whatever
before day camps begin.

& annually, i am wrong.
my kids want to do things, go places, spend money.
immediately & daily.

troubles with this:
lack of ideas, energy, time & money.

so, following two days of free-~~falling~~floating
summer vaycay,
chocked full o' way too much screen time,
i created a system. [golly, i love systems.]

craft sticks. sharpies. a cup.
& a list. [gee, i love lists.]

well, two lists:
things to do at home.
things to do away from home.

home:
quiet coloring.
board game.
card game.
bubbles.
bike riding.
chalk drawing.
rock painting.
sunrise, sunset.
cloud watching.
nature photo scavenger hunt.
trampoline picnic.
trampoline sleepover.
story time.
yoga time.
moviethon.

away:
morning movies.
drive-in.
bookstore.
library.
duck feeding.
swan feeding.
turtle feeding.
wildflower center.
deep eddy.
central market.
whole foods.
museum.
hula hut/the oasis.

write each activity on a craft stick.
mark tips of craft sticks with blue dot for home, red dot for away.
every week, each kid chooses
3 blue dots [home activities] + 2 red dots [away activities].

if they're not crazy about a stick they choose,
then they can choose again up to two times,
but the third choice sticks, as it were.

this gives us a sort of fun to-do list for the week,
a way to keep mommy working,
a way to keep the kids breathing,
& an automatic response to the unavoidable refrain of summertime:

"this is the most boringest summer ever."

[disclaimer: naturally, only time will tell.
i'll let you know how it's working come mid-summer.]

image source: one of my teacher-appreciation gifts, ca. 2011.

little boy moments.

2011-05-31T10:00:00.103-05:00

as my favorite happiness guru says,
the days are long, but the years are short.

as another schoolyear ends
[& while they seem endless while we're immersed in them,
i realize a day will come when i can't believe they're over],
i'm faced with the fact that we are,
as a family, done with the primary grades [k-2].

which are the best ones, don't you agree?

we were lucky/blessed to go out with a bang, though.
little boy's second-grade teacher was this
amazing force of creativity & inspiration & positivity
who gave us the priceless gift of possibly our
best. year. ever.
[& definitely our best. year. yet.]

we heart you forever, mrs. b.

so as i grieve the unmistakeable reality
that my little boy is shedding his "little" status
little by little [as it were],
i thought i might document & share
a few moments of pure him, here & now:

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
moment #1, 3.31.2011:

little boy's quote of the day, to our beagle-mix mutt:

"oh, kirby. don't lick your penis on daddy's birthday."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
moment #2, 4.2011:

little boy's class had a photo wall
featuring each student wearing a silly springtime hat.
he was wearing a yellow & black striped cap
with wings off to the sides;
his friend lolly wore a headband of big pink petals.

"i like your springtime pictures," i commented.
without missing a beat, he replied enthusiastically,

"i was a bumblebee.
lolly was a flower & i pollinated her."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
moment #3, 5.8.2011:

for mother's day,
one of the projects little boy created for me at school
was a "mom's gazette" worksheet for him to complete.
the headline read "world's best mom!", &
he drew the accompanying illustration,
filled in blanks in the story, &
checked all the "my mother is" boxes
he thought applied to me
[awesome, brave, brilliant, cheerful, considerate,
cool, craftsy, cuddly, cute, etc.].

he had checked all 21 boxes [awww!].

"wow, you checked all the boxes;
you really think i'm all of those things?" i asked.
"that's awfully sweet."
he answered flatly,

"yeah. the only one i wasn't sure i should check was 'energetic.'"

fair enough, bubby, fair enough.

here's to you, my little boy.
i hope you always fill our lives
with laughter & light & love
& one-liners & wop-wop moments.

i will always love you with my whole heart.
& then some.

& even when you are a big, tall, stunningly handsome man,
in my heart you will always be
my sweet, sunshiney, sensitive, hilarious, goofy
little boy.

image source: jb & lb, a perfect pairing.

her last master class.

2011-05-27T09:00:00.064-05:00

of course, you watched.

of course, i watched.

& listened. & learned.
just as expected.

but i realized i should have been taking notes
as oprah was giving what amounted to
her commencement address
at her own graduation.

[maybe ours, too – it remains to be seen.]

so thank o-ness they posted her "last class" up on oprah.com,
so i can print it, reread it, highlight it,
& reiterate the key points here
for all of our easier reference.

so here are what i received as
six things oprah knows for sure
from her 25 years of the oprah winfrey show:

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
on discovering your calling.

we are all called.
everybody has a calling, &
your real job in life is
to figure out what that is &
get about the business of doing it.

a calling lights you up &
it lets you know that you
are exactly where you're supposed to be,
doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing.

live from the heart of yourself.
you have to know what sparks the light in you
so that you, in your own way,
can illuminate the world.

wherever you are, that is your platform,
your stage, your circle of influence.
that is your talk show, &
that is where your power lies.

in every way, in every day,
you are showing people exactly who you are.
you're letting your life speak for you.

start embracing the life that is calling you &
use your life to serve the world.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
on owning your energy.

nobody but you is responsible for your life.
you are responsible for the energy that
you create for yourself, &
you're responsible for the energy that
you bring to others.

all life is energy, &
we are transmitting it at every moment.
we are all little beaming little signals
like radio frequencies, &
the world is responding in kind.

for every action, there is an equal & opposite reaction.
everything you done to me, already done to you.
it is the golden rule to the tenth power.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
on knowing you're enough.

there is a common thread that runs through
all of our pain & all of our suffering, &
that is unworthiness.
not feeling worthy enough
to own the life you were created for.

even people who believe they deserve
to be happy & have nice things often
don't feel worthy once they have them.
there is a difference between
thinking you deserve to be happy &
knowing you are worthy of happiness.

we often block our own blessings because
we don't feel inherently good enough
or smart enough or pretty enough
or worthy enough.

you're worthy because you are born &
because you are here.
your being here, your being alive
makes worthiness your birthright.

you alone are enough.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
on giving & receiving validation.

we all want validation.
every single person you will ever meet
shares that common desire.
they want to know:
do you see me?
do you hear me?
does what i say mean anything to you?

everybody wants to be heard.
try it with your children, your husband, your wife,
your boss, your friends.
validate them.
i see you. i hear you. and what you say matters to me.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
on being still, knowing & listening.

i know i've never been alone, &
you haven't either.
& i know that that presence, that flow –
some people call it grace –
is working in my life at every single turn.
& yours, too, if you let it in.
it's closer than your breath, &
it is yours for the asking.

even when i didn't have a name for it,
i could feel the voice bigger than myself
speaking to me, &
all of us have that same voice.

be still & know it.

you can acknowledge it or not.
you can worship it or not.
you can praise it, you can ignore it,
or you can know it.

know it.

it's always there speaking to you &
waiting for you to hear it in every move,
in every decision.

wait & i listen. i'm still –
i wait & listen for the guidance
that's greater than my meager mind.

god is love & god is life &
your life is always speaking to you.
your life is speaking to you.
what is it saying?

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
on spreading the o-love.

what i hope is that you all will be
that safe harbor for somebody else --
their safe place to fall.
do for them what you are telling me
the show has done for you.

connect.
embrace.
liberate.

love somebody.
just one person.
& then spread that to two.
& as many as you can.
you'll see the difference it makes.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
bonus: oprah noted that
'gratitude is the single greatest treasure
i will take with me from this experience.'

well, ms. winfrey,
i hope you take our gratitude for you
with you, as well.

have a good summer.
see you at the next level.

image: oprah.com.

oh, prah.

2011-05-25T08:00:00.012-05:00

please pardon my sniffling.

but y'all know how i am about my oprah.

the divine ms. o.
25 years.
over today.
& i'm o-verwhelmed.

i've been firmly ensconced
in the first stage of grief,
denial,
for quite a while.

but i guess it's a little late for that now.

i'm not really angry about it
[the typical second stage of grief].
i mean, she's done an average of
one show every other day [weekends & holidays included]
for a quarter-century,
& wants to do something different.

yeah, can't really begrudge her that.

& there's no bargaining with oprah,
so grief stage three is out, too.

so, in regards to going cold turkey
with my daily dose of oprah,
i feel i've reached grief stage four:
depression.

i began college the year she began
the oprah winfrey show.
& i've been a follower ever since.

& i feel "follower" is the proper word,
because she is a leader.

not just an icon.
not just a legend.
not just a media maven.
& definitely not just a talkshow host.
not even just a teacher.

oprah is a leader.
a cultural leader.
a thought leader.
a world leader.
a force for change. a force for good. locally & globally.

& even though i'll still subscribe to o magazine
& listen to oprah radio
& watch own tv,

make no mistake:
this is the end of an era.

stage five is acceptance.
i'll get there eventually.

but not yet.
not today.

today, i'll be watching.
& listening.
& still learning.

from my best girl.
our o.

image: reuters.

hello, monday.

2011-05-16T07:00:00.003-05:00

hello, monday morning.

hello, springtime weather.
hello, gorgeous.
hello, may's second act.

hello, summer, just around the corner.

hello, crazy camp calendar.
hello, sno-cones.
hello, summertime list.

hello, a dozen days of school left.
hello, classroom parties.
hello, teacher gifts.

hello, bookstore giftcards.
hello, special snapsots.
hello, butterfly poem.

hello, darling puppy on my foot.
hello, sneezing hound on the mend.
hello, three-dog nights again.

hello, purged playroom.
hello, clean little boy's room.
hello, refreshed front porch.

hello, work.
hello, transcription.
hello, procrastination be gone.

hello, clean house.
hello, healthy body.
hello, snazzy snax.
hello, dance.
hello, saturday night.
hello, 16th anniversary.

hello, full, beautiful life.
hello, love.

so, what are you saying hello to this fine may day??

image source: dreamland.

mother's week, continued.

2011-05-13T17:00:00.002-05:00

from parent:wise austin;
"listen to your mother" by kristin armstrong.

i am a mother.

i am a fixer, a feeder a driver, a healer, a mind reader, a comfort, an advocate, a tear wiper, a member of the hygiene, sunscreen & homework gestapo, a hair braider, a lunch packer, a bed maker, a time keeper, a promise keeper, a laundry slave, a calendar, a chef, a back tickler, a day saver, a dragon slayer, a puppy trainer, a delivery service, a hamster eulogist, a personal shopper, a crush confidante, a counselor, a manicurist, a cheerleader, a toilet flusher, a peacemaker, & the finder of all things lost.

i am the courageous recipient of mood swings, meltdowns, balled up reeking socks, soggy tissues and wet wads of gum. i can endure the evil eye and i-hate-yous without flinching [much]. i am a faithful comrade under heavy fire in the trenches of a stomach virus. i have resolutely composed my facial expression in response to gushing blood, passing gas in church, and the word penis. i have successfully performed the heimlich maneuver twice, saving my daguther from an unmelted popsicle chunk & our hamster from the throat of our swiss mountain dog. i have convinced a quaking child to leap into a body of chlorinated water with only the words, "trust me." i have taken on pain & heartbreak like a voodoo doll stuck unmercifully with pins. i am cold when my children refuse to wear a coat. i have listened when i felt like screaming, screamed when i should have listened, & given when i thought i had nothing left at all. i have been defined & refined by this gig called mom, having lost myself completely in seasons of mothering, only to find & resurrect myself over & over again.

so here's the thing. after all the years spent loving my little people, how on earth am i supposed to learn how to let them go?

my son, who used to hang on my every word, now makes grunting noises & maintains prolonged direct eye contact only with a screen. the smell of his shoes could serve as a military weapon of mass destruction. he used to spring forth from his bed in the mornings, smiling at the sound of my voice, meeting each new day with wonder & delight. now he groans & pulls the covers over his head, mumbling "jeezmomc'monfivemoreminutes" through a dense fog of morning breath, glaring at me with narrowed eyes & spite as if i were morning personified. the boy who used to love his bath now has to be told repeatedly to shower, & while showering, reminded of the benefits of soap & shampoo. he jumps & responds immediately to a new text message, yet i have to remind him twenty times to take out the trash. [perhpas i should try texting him to take out the trash?] he wears shorts every single day, at all costs & for every occasion, even when it's twenty degrees outside or the attire calls for a coat & tie. the constancy of my presence goes unnotices, yet the presumption exists that every procrastinated school project yields a joint deadline. he vacillates between needing me & pushing me away, & i alternate between holding him in the nest & wanting him to fly.

my twin daughters, two years younger than their big brother, are teetering & peering in the abyss of adolescence, the hint of future curves foreshadows the twisted road ahead. my wasband has maintained since our separation that when the girls hit puberty, our custody agreement is up for renegotiation – giving me only full week a month. likely by then i will have signs of early onset menopause & the judge will rule that in the best interest of everyone involved, the red tent shall be pitched on dad's lawn. this is probably best, beacuse even now, these two little princesses that i once nursed side by side like a tribal woman from national geographic have moods that can change as quickly as texas weather. one minute it's a perfectly lovely sunny day, & suddenly, faster than you can say "whatever," a cold wind blows through, lightning cracks across a blackened sky, & thunder rolls like teenage eyes. i am often to blame, even when i have no idea what caused the weather pattern to begin with. i no longer have personal items – my makeup has been ransacked & my closet pillaged. they chew my gum, leave the wrappers in my purse, pilfer cash from my wallet, & put on my lip gloss while they text & face time with their friends on my phone.

i realize that these changes are part of god's design – that my kids & i will drive each other sufficiently crazy so that when the time comes for them to go, i don't dissolve into a million pieces, or wrap their leg with my wailing body, or hide in the closet of their freshman dorm. i have been working on defining myself with words outside the realm of mother – i am a writer, i am an author, i am a runner, i am a friend. in my head, i know that my life exists beyond my children, but my heart knows what matters most. you see, i will never regret a maternal minute – sure, i'll regret my mishandling of some moments, but i will never regret having been present. i will never grieve money i didn't make, time or talent that i could have spent elsewhere, or the experience that got sidelined or sacrificed along the way. my mark is my motherhood; my legacy is love.

no matter what other definitions i cultivate, somehow when i meet someone new, or stand before a crowd of strangers to explain myself, i always seem to begin where i began.

my name is kristin. i am luke, grace & isabelle's mom.

oh, bama.

2011-05-12T15:00:00.000-05:00

so, two days ago,
my president came to austin.
& i went to see him.

not quite personal [alas, no meet-&-greet],
but definitely up-close.

like, 25 feet, maybe.

yep. leader of the free world.
talking to about 750 austinites.
of which i was one.

talking about his first-term achievements.
talking about his second-term goals.

talking about disappointments.
talking about sacrifices.
talking about reality.

talking about connection.
talking about togetherness.
talking about sameness.

talking about americans.
talking about putting on boots.
talking about climbing up hills.

talking about yes. we. can.
again.

now, that's what i'm talking about, y'all.

**HUGE thanks goes to my dear & generous friend
& fellow blogger diana,
who shelled out the giant clams necessary
for me to be her plus-one
to this once-in-a-lifetime experience.
best. friend. ever.**

image source: just me & my canon powershot, baby. booyah.

mother's week.

2011-05-11T16:00:00.084-05:00

i'm a writer [hope this isn't a surprise],
& as austin-based independent business & marketing writers go,
i feel i'm pretty good.

i've got a way with the words.

but i'm consistently & duly humbled by
the neverending river of amazing, inspiring writers
i regularly come across, either in print or online.

recently, i came across two pieces i just. must. share.
& since they're both about motherhood,
i thought i'd extend mother's day into mother's week,
posting one today & another one friday
especially for your mama-spends-two-minutes-reading-for-pleasure self.

this one is from [in]courage;
it's titled "on mothers" by holley gerth.

can i tell you a secret?

i am in awe of mothers.

the hand-holding, brow-wiping, life-changing women of the world.

i love how mothers create, bring life into the world, nourish souls, tie the shoelaces of the future.

i love how they wrestle about where to send kids to school, & what to get for christmas, & how to take the seed of a life & grow it into strong, tall faith.

i love the way they laugh about too much poop & mountains of laundry & the beautiful chaos that they somehow keep spinning in orbit.

i love how time etches memories across their faces, like little lines in an extraordinary story, & the way their eyes light up when someday someone calls them “grandma.”

i love how they throw their arm in front of you at a sudden stop in the car even if you’re not their child, even when their hair is silver, even when nursing & diapers feel like so many moons ago.

i love how even women without children {i’m one} somehow feel the need to nurture, to grow, to pour themselves into the next generation like so much water that just never stops. mothers of the heart if not the body.

i don’t know where you are this morning but i wish i could cup your face in my hands and whisper this: “you are a good mother. you are making a difference. you are beautiful.”

then i’d drop my hands and smile at you. & in a moment, you’d be busy again doing what you do & i’d watch the miracle.

the miracle of motherhood.

the ordinary-extraordinary.

the divine with a little dirt under its nails.

jill churchill said: “there’s no way to be a perfect mother & a million ways to be a good one.”

& with all of you mother-wonders out there?

i don’t think i’ll ever stop counting . . .

image source: this mother-wonder, of the newest addition to my maternal duties. introducing skipper inkspots.

tune for today.

2011-05-10T09:00:00.014-05:00

my fellow americans,

YES, WE CAN.

remember??
i do.

& whenever i can't,
whenever i doubt,
i watch this.

take four minutes today
& make yourself remember
what's great about being an american.
[p.s. working together for the greater good isn't just for democrats.]

a week ago.

2011-05-09T14:00:00.184-05:00

an american's prayer
on the occasion of the death
of the fbi's #1 most wanted.

dear God,

please forgive me my joy
in the destruction of a fellow human being.
while i disagree with those who are openly reveling
in the snuffing out of another spirit,
i can't help feeling a little jubilant
at the widespread relief of fear, sense of justice
& other good this brutal finale might yield.

please give this man's soul rest.
he lived a life full of fear & ego & loathing & violence,
& i seriously doubt true contentment or serenity
were ever part of his earthly experience.
let your grace now show him what might have been.

please let this event provide some peace
to the people whose loved ones were murdered
at this man's command on 9-11 & in other attacks.
let the reality that he will never again
induce the same pain upon anyone else
ease theirs as they face a lifetime of grief.

please protect us all as this man's followers
seek bitter revenge for his execution.
let them see the light of your love
& know true faith is not about the particulars
of how we believe in you, but simply
that we do,
& that your wish is for us to see the sameness among us
& use it as a way to connect,
not dwell on the differences between us
& use it as an excuse to kill.

finally, i want to thank you, God,

for the brave men & women who put their lives
on the line every day to help keep us safe;

for their loved ones who suffer so much
loneliness & worry to support them;

for our country's leaders, who call upon
your wisdom & guidance daily [hourly?]
as they deal with the overwhelming task of
making so many choices affecting so many lives;

& for your ultimate judgment of this man
& of us all, as it offers us one less reason
to sit in judgment of one another
as we struggle to coexist
on this miraculous little blue planet
you've created for us.

thank you.

doing my best to live in the light,
kristen

image source: federal bureau of investigation.

a day ago.

2011-05-09T13:00:00.042-05:00

i was adopted basically at birth.
i didn't know my birthmom until i was 25,
when she & my birthdad found me.

i had her in my life for only fifteen years.
she died abruptly three years ago
when she fell in her kitchen,
hitting her head on the tile floor.
she died of traumatic brain injury within three days.

she was extraordinary,
& not one day goes by i don't wish
that she were still here or
that i had made more of our time together.

i especially loved
her boundless generosity,
her amazing thoughtfulness
& her smokey laugh.

i used to be careful
to celebrate birthmother's day with her
[the saturday prior to mother's day sunday],
as actual mother's day belonged
to my real mom who brought me up.

i regret that now.

i regret it because
it is not a competition,
more family just means more love,
& both of these wonderful women
made huge sacrifices to help me become
who i am today.

so this mother's day,
along with honoring my real mom
with gifts & cards & calls,

i honored my birthmom
in my heart [& now, on this blog]
for everything she gave me.

love & miss you
yesterday, today & every day,
nana pat.

image source: big girl & nana pat, circa 2000, as photographed by me.

friday funny for you.

2011-04-29T12:00:00.003-05:00

oh, cody.

wills + kate.

2011-04-29T06:00:00.010-05:00

i got up in the middle of the night
almost thirty years ago
to watch diana wed charles.

& i got up in the middle of the night
today
to witness catherine wed william.

lovely occasion.
well worth the lost slumber
to see the boy
who walked behind his mother's casket
so overcome by grief
it was palpable quarter-way around the world
become the man
walking down the aisle with his stunning bride
so overwhelmed with joy.

brilliant.

a tina, tiny prayer for all our daughters.

2011-04-28T11:00:00.013-05:00

this week, i'm preparing for big girl's & my
fourth annual kickapoo kamp
mother-daughter weekend. woohoo!

next week, i'll be feeding my family
great gift ideas for my
twelfth annual mother's day. woohoo!

so with all this motherly slash daughterly energy about,
today i must offer the brilliant tina fey's epic
"the mother's prayer for its daughter"
from her new book, bossypants.
[above, tina with daughter alice, circa 2009.]

however bossypanted she may be, it's undeniable:
the woman is a genius.

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her

When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, dammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

image source: babble.com.

dreamy slash sensible.

2011-04-27T10:00:00.154-05:00

"borrowing" a great idea today
from a favorite bloggeress –
mary beth over at salt & chocolate.

she calls them dreamy/practical lists.
but just to avoid litigation,
i'm going to call mine a dreamy|sensible list.
derivative? sure. plagiarism? nope.

anyway, mary beth seems like an awfully sweet person
on her blog, so i'm sure she'll understand
imitation is the truest type of flattery &
she won't mind even a dibble.

so, what is a dreamy|sensible list?
it's a lovely way to create a to-do list
that balances stuff you want to do [fills your cup]
with things you need to do [drains your bucket].

[following my cryptic liquid-transference metaphor yet?]

if you're like me, then your to-do lists tend to
overflow with need-to-do items . . .

daily chores to complete.
household projects to tackle.
work next-steps to take.
emails to send.
calls to make.
appointments to schedule.
errands to run.
items to buy.
bills to pay.
paperwork to deal with.

you know the drill. & this list – the "sensible" list –
is about as delightful as said drill.
it's an abyss of a list, all have-to's & shoulds,
that can wear you down with its
relentlessly self-perpetuating nature.

can i get an amen?

but, if you're like me, almost nothing gets done –
no matter how well-intentioned you may be about doing it –
if it doesn't make the cut onto the to-do list.

& since fun, creative, playful stuff
isn't what we traditionally put onto our to-do lists,
then it rarely, if ever, gets done.

again, an alleluia?

doesn't exactly promote the whole balance concept, does it??

well, hello, dreamy list.

here's the dreamy-list deal:

rather than creating a single list
for the day, week or weekend,
try creating a pair of side-by-side lists,
one sensible, one dreamy.

[being me, i try to include an equal number
of items on each list.]

now, get-er-doners, red pens at the ready . . .
& check off!!

[again, being me, i try to alternate
back & forth between the two lists.]

for example, here's my dreamy|sensible list over last weekend:

dreamy
:: get sno-cones @ bahama freeze.
:: go to the pool.
:: go to the movies, see "rio."
:: easter!
:: austin pets alive! site visit – walk pups @ petsmart.
:: finish letter to big girl in our mother/daughter journal.
:: read magazines/book.

sensible
:: purge playroom.
:: purge playroom.
:: purge playroom [no joke – a HUGE project, definitely three items' worth].
:: do laundry.
:: go to target.
:: update finances on mint.
:: strong week prep [calendar, paperwork, plan].

full disclosure:
i didn't get around to two dreamy items &
didn't complete one sensible item,
but still . . .

a fairly balanced weekend overall.
& it was good.

thank you for the inspiration, mary beth!!

image source: the escapist.

the new wonder [how she'll keep her top up] woman.

2011-04-26T09:00:00.021-05:00

now, you know me.

of course i'm not going to let nbc/david e. kelly's
new wonder woman series come around next autumn
without some sort of mention.
i've just been mulling over my feelings about the whole thing.

because, well, you know me.

i can be rather a purist,
especially when it comes to cherished bits of my childhood.

i mean, i never really accepted anyone but farrah
as charlie's blonde angel.
i like cheryl ladd & all. but please.

so i'm a tad torn between my loyalty to lynda carter
[the original television wonder woman]
& my piqued interest in quirk-meister kelly's
spin [pun fully intended] on the amazonian icon.

so while i continue to work through my emotional superheroine baggage,
let's just chat about the costume.

it's been quite the controversy.

because there are real wonder woman purists,
the super-serious-big-bang-theory-dc-comics kind
of diana prince fans,
who are easily outraged & extremely outspoken
whenever someone messes with their sheroes.

so when they nabbed a peek at the new wonder woman's costume
[as modeled by selected lead actress adrianne palicki],

all manners of geek fury let loose.

& i'm with them.

seriously, latex pants?
demi-cup bustier?
& high-heeled blue [the original wore red] boots?

yeah, yeah. we know ginger rogers did everything
fred astaire did, except backwards & in heels,
& how terrific that was & all,
but it was also the 1930s.

how is a girl supposed to fight 21st-century evil using her powers of
super-strength, super-stamina, super-speed & super-agility
while wearing a poured-into-it, cheapo version
of a "sexy" hallowe'en costume?!?

well, the outcry from comicbook land was loud & oh-so-clear.
&, apparently, listened to by the show's producers.

because recent photo releases from the set
reveal some realistic changes to ww's threads.

pants a flexible, breathable material? check.
boots red? check. heels flat? check.
top wardrobe-malfunction-proof? well, you can't have everything.

so here's to double-stick tape,
to mixing gold & silver accessories,
& to the wonderfully womanly wonder woman –

long may she bring the amazon ideals
of love, peace & sexual equality
to a world torn by the hatred of men.

[yes, her actual mission statement, circa 1941.]

image sources: connect.in.com, the hollywood reporter.

if i were to approve a tatoo for my child, then it would need to read thusly.

2011-04-25T08:00:00.001-05:00

image source: the kiki comin shop [etsy].

a trailblazer worth remembering.

2011-04-22T07:00:00.033-05:00

july 19, 1984. my 17th birthday.
& the day the first woman nominated
for national office by a major political party
accepted the bid for
vice president of the united states.

when geraldine ferraro began her acceptance speech
at the democratic national convention being held in san francisco,
it launched eight minutes of cheers and tears.

but it was still 1984.
& nbc’s tom brokaw, during convention coverage, described her as
“the first woman to be nominated for vice president …
size six.”

seriously.

sadly, brokaw served as microcosmic insight
into america's perspective at the time:
not ready for leadership sans y chromosome.

come november, the democratic partnership of mondale-ferraro was buried by the republican reelection of reagan-bush.
later, geralidine ferraro wrote of the defeat,
throwing ronald reagan out of office [at that point] . . .
would have required god on the ticket,
& she was not available.

geraldine ann ferraro was born on august 26, 1935, in newburgh, new york,
the fourth child & only daughter of
a first-generation italian-american mother & an italian immigrant father
who owned a restaurant & a five-&-dime store.

by the time geraldine came along, her parents
had already suffered the death of one son in infancy,
& another in a car accident when he was three.
geraldine was born two years later & was named for him [gerard].

when she was eight, geraldine's father died of a heart attack.
[over forty years later, during her vp run,
geraldine would learn from a newspaper article
her father had been arrested for running a numbers racket,
& had died the morning of his court appearance.]

so geraldine & her remaining brother were raised by their single mother,
who worked as a seamstress to send her children to private schools.
at her catholic boarding school, geraldine was voted most likely to succeed &
earned a scholarship to a private college.
she was an athlete, worked as editor of the school newspaper,
& became the first woman in her family to earn a college degree.
“delights in the unexpected” said her college yearbook entry.

geraldine became a public-school teachers in queens,
& applied to fordham law school,
where the admissions officer warned her
she had better be serious about her studies,
as she was taking a man’s place.
she taught by day, attended law school at night,
& in 1960, was one of two women graduating with law degrees
in a class of almost 180.

geraldine married businessman & realtor john zaccaro,
but kept her maiden name to honor her mother.
she spent the next 13 years
having & raising three children,
doing legal work for her husband’s business,
working pro bono for women in family court,
& dabbling in local politics.

in 1974, geraldine accepted the position of
assistant district attorney for a special victims bureau,
investigating sex crimes, crimes against the elderly, & domestic abuse.
the job led her to develop an ulcer, become a social liberal, &
befriend then-new york secretary of state mario cuomo.

in 1978, at cuomo's urging, geraldine ran for congress & won.
she served ny’s blue-collar ninth congressional district
in queens for three terms,
gaining the friendship of another political powerhouse,
then-united states house speaker tip o'neill.

characterized as everything from "spirited" to "strident,"
congresswoman ferraro was a self-proclaimed "tough democrat"
who called it like she saw it &
wasn’t intimidated by money or men.

she doggedly fought on the hill for
equity for women in wages, retirement plans, & pensions,
the equal rights amendment, abortion rights, & a nuclear freeze.
but she wasn't a straight-party follower, & tended toward fiscal conservatism.
yet her personal experience with the special victims unit
kept her perspective progressive.

"no matter how concerned i am about spending," she said,
"i’ve seen firsthand what poverty can do to people’s lives,
& i just can’t in good conscience not do something about it.”

then came 1984.
having worked her way up through the congressional ranks &
with vehement support for a female running mate from women’s groups,
geraldine was tapped by mondale for the vp candidacy.

the gesture was profound. the campaign was painful.

her qualifications were questioned.
her husband’s finances were scoured.
she faced down hecklers almost daily.
barbara bush implied she was disingenuous, calling representative ferraro
"a four-million-dollar – I can’t say it, but it rhymes with ‘rich’."

within five years following her vp run,
ferraro's campaign finances were investigated &
found faulty & slightly shady,
her husband pled guilty to trying to defraud a mortgage broker &
their son was convicted for dealing cocaine at college.

ferraro ran for one of new york's u.s. senate seats in '92 & '98,
but didn't even get the democratic nomination.
still, she insisted,
"anytime a woman runs, women win."

she returned to law, advocating for women
raped during ethnic conflict in the former yugoslavia.
she was inducted into the national women’s hall of fame in 1994.
she wrote three books.
she was named as an ambassador to the united nations
human rights commission during the clinton administration.
she co-hosted cnn’s crossfire for three years.
she ultimately joined a public-relations firm
offering guidance to clients concerning women’s issues.

meanwhile, she was diagnosed with multiple myeloma,
a blood cancer she continued to battle for a dozen years,
becoming a typically outspoken speaker on her disease &
supporter of the multiple myeloma research foundation.

she died of complications due to the disease march 26th.
she left behind her husband, her three children & her eight grandchildren.
& a glass-ceiling-shattering legacy to women leaders,
from her friend hillary clinton
to her fellow female vp candidate sarah palin.
&, as president obama noted, well beyond:

"geraldine will forever be remembered as a trailblazer
who broke down barriers for women, &
americans of all backgrounds & walks of life. ...
[my daughters] sasha & malia will grow up
in a more equal america because of
the life geraldine ferraro chose to live."

give 'em hell, gerry.

image source: ny daily news.

why i blog.

2011-04-12T17:00:00.001-05:00

consider how fish swim & birds fly.
they do so because it is in their nature.
for it is the swimming & the flying
that makes them fish & birds.

likewise, it is the speaking of one's heart
that makes a human being human.

for even if no one hears us,
it is the act of speaking that frees us
by letting the spirit swim & fly
through the world.

~ mark nepo, the book of awakening ~

image source: rachel ann austin, birds & lupine.

a monday kind of gratitude.

2011-04-11T16:00:00.007-05:00

last monday [remember, i'm backblogging!]
was such a stereotypical monday for me.

we had spent the weekend up in dallas,
where sweet husband had a gig saturday night
& where my folks & sister live,
so our whole family [both pups, too] went for a visit.

mostly, it was fine.

but the gig was poorly promoted,
so not terribly well-attended.

& my tea-partying parents both breached
our no-political-rhetoric armistice
[for example, my mother griping about
the sole spanish-language performance of
toy story 3 on ice, & my father joshing
off-the-cuff, "i want a free lunch －
i must be turning into a democrat!"]
several times over our two-day stay.

& on our way home, little boy had to stop
four times [within 200 miles] along ih-35 to pee,
lengthening our travel time considerably.
& i got crabby about the long ride
in the crowded car, still stewing
about not being prepared with a
snappy retort to my folks' commentary.

& then came monday.

we overslept. by about an hour.

big girl forgot her clean clothes for gym class,
so her dad made a special delivery to the middle school.

i forgot my monday cardio class begins
a half-hour earlier than it used to,
so i missed half of it.

i got an email containing the news that
my late birthmom's husband remarried last fall.
but this email wasn't from him, & even though
we've been in loose contact with one another,
he's never mentioned his new-ish nuptials.

oh, & i was having a terrible hair day.

it was a monday, through & through.

so with that laundry list of laments,
i wasn't exactly feeling the old attitude of gratitude.
& it would have been simple to slip into a monday malaise.

but i didn't. [!]

because － thanks to the brilliant brene brown －
i now understand i don't have to be feeling the grateful
in order to glean the key benefit of gratitude: joy.

whenever i'm not feeling especially grateful,
i can still practice gratitude － say, by
listing three blessings of my life,
or thinking of how a not-spectacular situation
could have been way worse,
or searching for something beautiful to snap an instagram of －
& reap the reward of joy.

which is not to say practicing gratitude
will instantaneously turn that frown upside-down.
because － again, according to dr. brown －
happiness & joy are different animals
[neither perpetual, both necessary, &
frequently mutually exclusive].

quoth bb: "happiness is tied to circumstance,
& joyfulness is tied to spirit ... ."
so while we must note & create the experiences
that bring us happiness,
we also need to cultivate the spiritual practices
that lead to joyfulness －
particularly gratitude.

so here's what i lovelovelove about this information:
it means i can have a crapass monday or a crapass month
or even a crapass year [spectre of 2002, i see you lurking],
& still live from a place of joy
simply by practicing gratitude.

so today, i'm grateful it's monday again,
the fresh beginning of a new springtime week.

& you??

helping keep austin pets alive!

2011-04-10T15:00:00.051-05:00

so, big girl's passion is animals.

she's a vegetarian wannabe.
inquire with her about our family pets, &
be prepared to have your ears animatedly talked off.
for gift-receiving occasions, she consistently requests
contributions to the world wildlife fund in her honor.
likewise, she spends her own money on
donations to area animal organizations.
she can almost always name that dog breed.

so naturally, she has wanted to volunteer
at the city shelter or humane society for years.
but even with adult supervision, their minimum age
for volunteers is 14 & 13 respectively.

she is 12.
& was almost physically pained by the idea of another year of waiting.

enter austin pets alive!

austin pets alive! is an amazing grassroots group
of almost all volunteers,
founded three years ago & led by dr. ellen jefferson.
apa!'s ultimate goal: to make austin a no-kill city.

with tons of sweat equity, tech smarts & limitless energy,
apa! has already achieved incredible progress toward this goal.

when the organization began in 2008, the kill rate
at the city shelter was over 50% －
more than half the animals coming into the shelter
were being put down.

which is not a criticism of austin's city shelter －
as apa! is quick to note, they're doing the very best
they can with what they've got to work with.

apa! teams go to the city shelter every day,
& identify & rescue healthy, treatable pets
who have been targeted to be euthanized the next day.

at our city shelter, this automatically includes
all puppies & kittens younger than six weeks old －
because if they're not weaned, then the shelter
simply doesn't have the resources to take care of them.

in february 2011, thanks to apa!, the kill rate
at austin's city shelter was 8%. eight percent.

a kill rate of 10% or less is considered "no-kill,"
as there will always be some animals too damaged to save.
so within three years, apa! helped austin become －
for the first time ever － a no-kill city.

big girl & i went through apa! volunteer training last month,
& have begun going to the new apa! headquarters
[for 2.5 years, apa! found foster homes for all of their rescues]
to help walk dogs, going to area petsmarts －
apa! sets up daily for six hours in front of several locations －
to help the adoption counselors with their duties,
& we've been assigned a "little" [kendal] via apa!'s
big brothers/big sisters program
[we visit her to provide her with extra love, treats & walks].

we must do only dog stuff, as i'm allergic to cats,
but the ways to help at apa! are canine, feline & neverending －
from overnight shifts bottle-feeding baby kittens
to helping rehabilitate & train good dogs with bad behaviors.

austin consistently ranks among the country's pet-friendliest cities,
based upon factors like average number of pets per person,
prevalence of pet-friendly venues & natural spaces.

with austin pets alive! at work,
we will soon be taking our pet-friendly status to a whole other level.
it's a matter of life & death.

image source: me & my big girl, glory & norman, currently available for adoption at apa!

the hokey pokey is not what it's all about.

2011-04-09T14:00:00.000-05:00

all of life is about growing
to your own personal potential.
all of life is about growing
to greatness.

anybody pretending to be anything
other than who you really are,
you will never, ever
reach your personal potential.
you cannot do it.

~ oprah winfrey, "master class" ~

image source: oprah.com.

a violet-eyed fury worth remembering.

2011-04-08T13:00:00.044-05:00

here i am again, binge bloggin' the backblog.
& i'm not sure why.

i've got plenty of blog fodder backed up
& ready to be written.
i just haven't gotten around to it.
& i'm not sure why.

sure, there's the whole "full life" thing,
but . . . well, it's full. & it's good.
& i love it [mostly].

& i love my blog, so here i am. again.
prepare for a parade of posts.

let's begin with a bang －
an homage to a woman whose whole life was one big bang
[no double-entendre intended].

dame elizabeth rosemond taylor.
[please don't call her liz. she never liked it.]

she was larger than life & just as beautiful.

born in 1932, to american parents on british soil,
giving this violet-eyed girl dual citizenship
to match her double rows of eyelashes
[a genetic mutation that sure worked for her].

she moved to los angeles at age 7,
made her cinematic debut at age 9,
& shot to stardom at age 12 for her role as velvet brown in national velvet.

her last adolescent role was as amy in 1949's little women.
her first adult role was as kay in 1950's the father of the bride.
her game-changing role as a dramatic actress
was as angela in 1951's a place in the sun.

she won best-actress oscars for 1960's butterfield 8
[starring opposite husband #4, eddie fisher] &
for 1966's who's afraid of virginia woolf
[starring opposite husband #5/6, richard burton].

she was nominated three other times.

she was the first hollywood star
to earn a million-dollar paycheck,
for 1963's cleopatra.

at 50, she transitioned from screen to stage
for the 1982 revival of the little foxes.
the following year, she reunited with burton,
professionally, to do noel coward's private lives.

[insert obvious "private life" segue here.]

eight marriages, seven husbands &
who knows how many in-betweeners.

the official lineup:

1. conrad "nicky" hilton, jr. － married 1950-51.
she was 18. he was an heir. he beat her. she left him.
2. michael wilding － married 1952-57.
english actor 20 years her senior. they had two sons.
3. mike todd － married 1957-58.
producer 23 years her senior. her first true love. they had one daughter. his plane, the ironically monikered lucky liz, crashed, leaving her at widow at 26.
4. eddie fisher － married 1959-64.
popular singer, a friend of mike todd's & the husband of debbie reynolds. disregarding the scandal, elizabeth converted to judaism for him, & stayed a jew the rest of her life. her jewish name was elisheba rachel.

5/6. richard burton － married 1964-74 & 1975-76.
welsh actor & her greatest love. they were both married when they hooked up on the set of cleopatra [he was marc antony, natch]. their romance was a decade-plus-long headline of brawls, booze & bling. they adopted one daughter.
7. john warner － married 1976-82.
u.s. senator from virginia. the rather lonely life of a political wife didn't agree with her, & triggered her struggle with weight.
8. larry fortensky － married 1991-96.
construction worker. they met at betty ford & married at neverland ranch. clearly, a doomed union from the get-go.

she amassed a collection of jewelry worth over $150 million.
she received some noteworthy pieces from mike todd,
but richard burton was the man who gave her
the 33.19-carat krupp diamond,
which she wore as a ring the rest of her life, &
the 69.42-carat pear-shaped taylor-burton diamond,
which she eventually sold, using the money
to build a botswana hospital.

she designed a line of perfumes that grosses about $200 million annually:
passion, white diamonds, black pearls & violet eyes.

she was among the first a-listers to come out
in the public fight against hiv/aids.
she helped launch the american foundation for aids research
[amfar] in 1985, &
in 1991, created her own organization,
the elizabeth taylor aids foundation.

the academy honored her work in 1993
with the jean hersholt humanitarian award.
queen elizabeth ii appointed her in 1999
dame commander of the order of the british empire.

she loved animals.
her first horse's name was an iteration of her own: betty.
she always had canine companions.
she once had a pet chipmunk named nibbles.

she was the voice of maggie simpson,
uttering the baby's one & only word: "daddy."

she arranged to be 15 minutes late for her own funeral.

she survived
five back breaks
three hip replacements
two bouts of life-threatening pneumonia
two stints at rehab
an emergency tracheotomy
meningitis
a benign brain tumor
cardiac surgery &
skin cancer.

but finally, at the age of 79,
she fell to the congestive heart failure
she had been fending off for seven years.

she left behind her four children,
ten grandchildren & four great-grandchildren.

she tweeted under the name dameelizabeth.
among her final twitter posts was this:

give. remember always to give.
that is the thing that will make you grow.
that is the thing that will give back to you
all the rewards that there are.
don't do it for yourself, because then it becomes selfish.
because then it becomes about yourself...which is wrong.
giving is to give to god. helping is to help others.
every breath you take today should be
with someone else in mind. i love you.

elizabeth taylor knew what she liked & she went for it:
working. loving. sparkling. smelling good. giving.

she lived with passion.
she lived with compassion.

she lived, sister, she lived.

& she made our world more beautiful.

image sources: cinematic passions, harpers bazaar, childstarlets.com, thefashionspot.com, fanpop.com, manolo's shoe blog, flixster.com, aarp.org.

everyday awesome.

2011-03-20T12:00:00.113-06:00

it's amazing what a difference
going to bed as soon as you're sleepy
+ sleeping until you wake up
can make.

three nights/days & i'm a new person.
a calmer person.
a clearer person.
a more confident person.

finally feeling my equilibrium
just in-between the full super moon & the equinox.

sweet.

again, wishing bottling some of it
for later use were an option.

oh, well. of course, i guess i could
try this experiment within a home environment.

a crazy notion, but maybe just crazy enough to work.

anyway . . .

today i'm being inspired by
the everyday things that make up
the awesome stuff of life.
[thank you, cathy z!]

witnessing a just-born [fewer than five minutes ago]
calf being licked clean by its mama
[& being staunchly guarded by one of her girlfriends －
who knew cows could be menacing?].

aunties.

getting to the grocery store just after
a new shipment of fresh produce has been put out.

chai latte w/skim.
rice krispies treats.

my iphone & its purple otterbox cover.

sleeping porches.
a darling new welcome mat.
before-&-after photos.

walking or running down a country road.
candied pecans.
spotting the first bluebonnet of the season.

carnivals.
pig races.
kettle corn.
riding the tilt-a-whirl with my kids.

pairing the perfect picture w/the just-right frame.

dogs. just dogs.

going to bed as soon as you're sleepy
+ sleeping until you wake up
[just can't extol this virtue/luxury enough!].

so, what slice of everyday awesome is inspiring you?

happy 100th, women of the world.

2011-03-20T07:00:00.142-06:00

"we've come a long way, ladies,"
said the first black first lady,
playing off of a 1970s ad campaign
for virginia slims cigarettes.

um, yeah.

as michelle obama celebrated & commemorated
the 100th anniversary of international women's day
earlier in the month at the white house,
she accentuated the positive －
the progress & proven power of women worldwide.

"we as a nation benefit
from every girl whose potential is fulfilled,
from every woman whose talent is tapped.
we as a nation benefit
from their intelligence,
from their hard work,
from their creativity,
from their leadership.

". . . countries across the globe
are more prosperous, they're more peaceful
when women are more equal &
have the rights & opportunities they deserve.

"no government can succeed if it excludes half of its people."

m'obama noted that american women now make up
the majority of college graduates & almost half of the workforce.

but she also noted that american women
still earn less than men,
& still lag behind in math & science-related fields.

& that, as they say, is the tip of the sexist iceberg.

bratz dolls. hooters girls.
sexual enhancement products. birth control options.
reproductive rights. family leave.
breastfeeding. potty parity.
the list is limitless, really.

yeah, we've got a long way to go, ladies.

but women in many other countries have much further to go.

every day is a good day to help our sisters out
as they struggle around the globe for
their own safety, health & fair treatment.

whether you are a woman
or one grew you in & birthed you out of her body
[hint: this means you],
please consider contributing to one of the following organizations
as they work for peace & equality for women everywhere.

women for women international － help female survivors of war rebuild their lives.
care － help poor women live, learn & earn.
kiva － empower an entrepreneurial woman with a microloan.
save the children － put a girl through school for a year.
say no - unite to end violence against women.

& yeah, she's applauding for you, ladies.

image source: vintage ad browser, associated press.

dalai mama.

2011-03-19T11:00:00.018-06:00

ok, you know that professional organizers' rule
about tossing unread magazines older than six months?

well, i don't do that.
i know. i'm a rebel.

not that i've never done it,
but honestly, i typically subscribe to a mag
or pick up an issue at the newsstand
because it interests me & i want to read it.

goodness knows i've got shelves of books
i've yet to get around to reading,
but i'm not going to just toss them.

my life, as i've mentioned, is full.
& i'm trying to spend more time reading
& less time catching up on the series criminal minds,
but for now, i'm not blindly tossing reading material.

so there, napo members.
put that in your coupon wallet &
forget it at home when you go to the grocery store.

[whew. i showed them, eh?]

all of which is to lead up to my new writer crush.

so, i was reading my premier issue of wondertime magazine
[display until may 15, 2006],
& came across an article titled "dalai mama: a busy mother
learns to get her mind off the to-do list & into the here & now of raising kids."

well, we all know i'm all about this sh*t, so of course i read it.
& i loved it.

it was the perfect blend of the daily grind & the spiritual miracle of parenthood.

it was where the poopoo & the woowoo meet.

oh, & it was funny, with a completely relatable voice.
just amazing writing, really.

for example, love this:
all my life I had been waiting for this, this little being.
& yet here he was & already I was missing it somehow,
preoccupied instead with the frantic tedium of our lives.

which mamas among us haven't felt exactly that
at one point [or many]? show of hands?
mm-hm, i thought as much.

so the author is a woman named catherine newman.
which rang a little bell for me. where had i heard her name before?

& i realized she's written several other articles for other publications i love －
like o, the oprah magazine & whole living [formerly known as body + soul] －
articles i had ripped from the binding & saved,
simply because they spoke to me so very strongly.

so, naturally, i googled catherine newman,
my new writer crush [too stalky?],
& discovered she's still writing a dalai mama column
for wondertime.com . . . it's now food-focused [called "dalai mama dishes"],
but still wonderfully written.

& thank my blessed aunt, she has a blog,
named for her children, ben & birdy,
which i now follow [too stalky?].

her birdy just turned eight, just like my little boy.
& her ben is twelve, just like my big girl.
gee, it's like we're separated-at-birth twins.

maybe someday, we'll be reunited.
& all because i saved － & READ － a 5yo periodical.

[ok, too stalky. got it.]

image source: real simple.

bloom day.

2011-03-19T10:00:00.004-06:00

my dear friend diana is a master gardener, talented writer
& now, a gardening writer.

her blog, sharing nature's garden,
often participates in garden bloggers' bloom day,
in which those with green thumbs & flexible clicker-fingers
post photos of what's blooming wherever they are on the 15th of the month.

so, even though i'm not a gardener of any kind,
neither actual nor virutal,
i still love to see spring busting out all over.

so in homage to diana & her fellow dirt-players,
i snapped some shots of the first, fresh signs of spring
here in the heart of texas.

up above, a pretty pink bud on our neighbor's peach tree.

down below, the bright new leaves of the same neighbor's willow tree, waving in the warm breeze.

a bradford pear tree's delicate white blossoms in another neighborhood yard.

the eye-popping purple flowers of a red bud tree.

& the grape-ish color [& aroma] of a downtown mountain laurel tree.

& finally, i thought i might share a photo of what i'm growing:

impassioned protesters,
recently rallying for adequate state funding for public education.

[perry refers to our governor,
who is always perfectly coiffed & almost always an inadequate leader.
imho.]

so, what is your garden growing, either literally or metaphorically??

lucky.

2011-03-18T09:00:00.056-06:00

[holiday mashup alert] i heart st. patrick's day.

but not because i'm irish.
i'm german, through & through. yah.

sweet husband is closer . . . a proverbial uk melting pot －
british/irish/scottish/welsh －
but he doesn't relate especially to the irish piece,
however much of him it may or may not be.

& green isn't my favorite color,
though i like a vibrant spring green
[the color of my honda element, aka the happymobile].

& truth be told, i used to not enjoy st. patty's day
because i just didn't relate to it.
i mean, i enjoy an off-color brew as much as the next gal,
& i lerve me some rosie o'donnell,
but i just didn't feel it was my holiday to celebrate, you know?

until i began thinking about it as a holiday to celebrate & share & wish
good luck.

now, feeling lucky is something i can relate to.

so now i think of st. patty's day as a sort of
springtime thanksgiving.

a reminder to stop & smell the blessings of your life.

& for me, a shamrock is the perfect symbol －
a heart-shaped clover leaf each
for sweet husband, big girl & little boy . . .

my luckiest charms.
& a blessing bigger than a pot o' gold.

[i'm tempted to call them magically delicious,
but just for the pop-culture reference/chuckle, really.]

so, what are your top four clover-leaves of luckiness??

image source: coolclix.

binge bloggin'.

2011-03-18T08:00:00.010-06:00

hello, dear readers.
i've missed you, & i hope you've missed me.

has it really be two full weeks since my latest post?
golly. my apologies.

the truth is, my life is full.
& rather than letting it's fullness
overwhem me & flatten me underneath it,
i've [at last!] been feeling up to
turning my face toward it,
rising to welcome it, &
basking beneath its glow.

because a full life is a good thing.
mostly.

but my bloggy baby has been rather neglected.
[in a full life, i'm realizing, something is ever neglected.
the key is to make sure it's not the real stuff of life,
like your health, your spirit, your relationships.]

so i've carved out a little slice of time
to catch up on my blog backlog.

my backblog.

i hope you can spare a little slice of time to catch up with me.

spring [at last!] is upon us, dear readers －
let us sit together & let the sunshine wash over us.

celebrate the everyday － march.

2011-03-04T17:00:00.124-06:00

ok [ha!], this week has been sort of a lulu
[in like a lu-lu-lion, I guess],
but today is march fourth,
so let us, um, march forth!

welcome, march, when . . .

. . . napoleon bonaparte wed josephine de beauarnais [1796], paul mccartney wed linda eastman [1969], & john lennon wed yoko ono [1969]. ah, spring, when a young man's fancy turns.

. . . nathaniel briggs patented the washing machine [1797], alexander graham bell made his first telephone call [1876], the first movie was shown to an audience [1895], & rca first produced color televisions [1954]. which is why today, we can do laundry while chatting on the phone & watching a tv movie at the same time ... march is for multitaskers!

. . . alaska was sold to the united states by russia [1867]. but some alaskans can still see russia from their homes.

. . . congress authorized the establishment of yellowstone national park [1872]. get out!

. . . u.s. presidents millard fillmore & william howard taft died [1874 & 1930 respectively, but both on the 8th]. beware the week before the ides of march, mr. president!

. . . albert einstein was born [1879]. genius!

. . . the outlaw jesse james died at age 34 [1882]. insert snarky comment about sandra bullock's ex by the same name here.

. . . the girls scouts of america & the camp fire girls were created [both in 1912]. gee, girls, competitive much?

. . . constantinople became instanbul [1930]. why did constantinople get the works? it's nobody's business but the turks.

. . . the star-spangled banner was adopted as our national anthem [1931]. apparently by people with much wider vocal range than the average american.

. . . oklahoma! opened on broadway [1943]. oh, what a beautiful evening!

spring is finally & unmistakably in the air here . . .
the season for hibernation is coming to a close . . .
& i am ready for an awakening
& a new opening of heart & hand.

forward, march!!

image source: filmposters.com.

a busty brunette worth remembering.

2011-03-02T16:00:00.030-06:00

from my perspective, she was first
the playtex cross-your-heart-18-hour-bra
spokeswoman of the 1970s, hawking
lift-&-separate technology for "full-figured gals."

later, for me, she became
the brunette counterpart to the iconic marilyn monroe
[a daunting duty, yes?]
in the 1950s movie musical "gentlemen prefer blondes."

she was jane russell －
actress, singer,
three-time wife, three-time mother,
howard hughes discovery,
wwii gi pinup girl,
international adoption advocate,
hollywood bible study group leader &
yes, a 38d.

it was 1940 & jane was 19yo
when notoriously eccentric kazillionaire
howard hughes cast her
in a western he was directing, "the outlaw."

but the movie's poster, featuring
the scandalously cleavage-revealing image above
of ms. russell, outraged censors so
that they postponed the film's release until 1950.

meanwhile, hughes' publicity machine
turned jane into a national sensation
& a military inspiration before she
was ever seen on the silver screen.

russell made only about two dozen films,
of which her favorite was the 1953 musical comedy
"gentlemen prefer blondes."

she & monroe were fast friends,
& the movie earned them both their
hand & foot prints immortalized in concrete
at grauman's chinese theatre.

jane joked that if she & marilyn
were to leave a genuine mark of their respective fame,
then she would lean over into the cement
& marilyn would sit in it.

that's the sassy, brassy, anything-but-plain jane
men wanted & women wanted to be a half-plus-century ago.

we lost her this week, at 89yo, to respiratory disease.
she left behind her three children,
eight grandchildren & ten great-grandchildren.

& very little doubt about what gentlemen actually prefer.

image sources: the corsetiere & her trade, never plead guilty blog, the traditional way.

for my little boy friday.

2011-02-25T15:00:00.063-06:00

only two days left of seven
for the little boy.

*sigh.*

& while eight isn't big-boy territory quite yet,
for me, there's something extra-special
about the 5-6-7 years.

they lose their front teeth.
they learn to read.
they go potty on their own.
they don't know [or care] they have chocolate-milk moustaches.
they tell jokes that make no sense & aren't really funny
[except that they make no sense].
they giggle uncontrollably. like, every day.
they weep every day. but not uncontrollably.
they smell good, mostly.
all they want to do is play.
they like a smooching.
they love to snuggle.
they still need you.

oh, my darling little goofball of a guy,
much of what you are today
i hope never, ever changes.
& of course, some of it i hope does.
& naturally, some of it will, regardless of my vote.

i just love you so much, just the way you are.

happy, happy birthday, my sweet baboo.
i bet eight will be just great. just like you.

shame & hormones thursday.

2011-02-24T14:00:00.101-06:00

shame & hormones . . . should not be your cocktail of choice.

trust me on this.

ok, so not to tmi you to death,
but i think i may be, at 43.5yo,
perimenopausal.

can i get a woohoo?
um, no.
more like an ew. boo.

the strongest evidence of this possibility
are the utterly random extreme-hormone days
i'm experiencing a few times monthly.

& by "extreme-hormone," i of course mean
fear. me.

picture a terriblehorriblenogoodverybad pms day
on steroids.

so, i had one last weekend.

on the inside, i felt inexplicably & uncontrollably
resentful, rageful & overwhelmed.

on the outside, i sobbed, sniped, snarled, slammed
& basically behaved as if my husband
was a walking, talking bullseye &
it was my day for target practice.

the next day, i felt ok again.
& i'm sure my husband was relieved
to be able to breathe again.

i felt awful about my behavior,
about being so horrid toward him,
about being so all-over-the-place crazy.

but i didn't apologize.
i didn't try to explain.
i didn't do anything.

except pretend it didn't happen.
on the outside, anyway.
on the inside, it was still with me.

so, a few days pass, & i'm reading
the amazing brené brown's book,
the gifts of imperfection.

& i come to the section titled
"cultivating self-compassion/
letting go of perfectionism."

& i read this:
where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking.
shame is the birthplace of perfectionism.

now, i know i'm a perfectionist.
[why do you think i'm reading this book?]
but shame . . . such an ugly word.

shame, i haven't claimed.

& according to the brilliant dr. brown,
when we don't claim shame,
it claims us.

& suddenly, a little lightbulb goes
*bling!* right above my noggin.

& suddenly, i realize i'm not
talking about my "episode" with my husband,
not apologizing for it,
not even acknowledging it,
because i don't just feel guilty about it . . .

i am ashamed of myself for it.

i am ashamed not only of the way i behaved,
but also of the way i felt.

ashamed that i couldn't control myself.

ashamed that i couldn't control
my emotions, my hormones,
my involuntary physiological volatility.

& i say to myself, seriously, kristen?
seriously, you are carrying shame
because you can't control
the mysterious inner workings of
your hormone-producing organs?

seriously?

this, ladies & gentlemen,
is perfectionism
at its insidious worst.

feeling shameful & inadequate
because you can't control
innately incontrollable things.

& then, i read this:
our imperfections are not inadequacies;
they are reminders that we're all in this
together. imperfectly, but together.

ok. i am imperfect. i am not inadequate.
& hormones sky-high or hormones rock-bottom,
we're all in this together.

my beautiful family & i
are all in this together.
imperfectly, but together.

& i feel like i get it.
for now. for today.
until another "reminder" rolls around.

& i feel a little better.

& i hope my husband reads my blog. :)

image source: david a. wright.

tuesday thoughts.

2011-02-22T13:00:00.067-06:00

today, i'm thinking about . . .

. . . running away from home － just temporarily, like a long weekend. lately, i've often been overcome with the overwhelming urge to get away on my own. deeply craving alone time & ocean, bigtime.

. . . why i chose to eat two servings of dark-chocolate-flavor almonds last night even though i had already passed my ww daily points limit.

. . . money, & how out-of-control mine is － not lacking it, just not knowing exactly where i am with mine.

. . . my birthmom, whose three-year death anniversary is a week from tomorrow.

. . . whether to try to fb-friend my birthmom's husband, with whom i've shared a rather contentious relationship.

. . . my dear friend irmtraud, whose one-year death anniversary is sunday.

. . . my little boy, who will turn eight sunday. he is so, so sweet & goofy & darling, i just wish i could bottle him up & keep him as is. i love his lisp & his utter hilarity. recent interaction:
lb: mom, look, i'm the spanx!
me: what?
lb: look, i'm the spanx!
me: you're the what?
lb: the spanx!
me: the spanx?
lb: yeah, the spanx － like in egypt!
me: ohhhh － you're the sphinx?
lb: yeah!

. . . launching a mother-daughter journal with my big girl, & wondering whether she'll go for it.

. . . how to tactfully broach some of the little [rather gross] things my husband does that are making me utterly insane lately. why is it i've been fine putting up with some such habits for almost twenty years, but now all of a sudden i can't stand them?

. . . whether i'm just slave to my wacky hormones lately, or i've got something else happening [midlife malaise, mild depression, other?].

. . . why i find it so damn challenging to make time for what really fills my cup [creating, reading, journaling & yes, blogging].

. . . whether my blog is really being what i want it to be, doing what i want it to do, & also, what exactly those things are.

. . . my two dear friends who are both undergoing minor surgery today, & wishing them well.

. . . how happy i am none of our fam has gotten the flu [no jinx!].

. . . what to do in our master bedroom to freshen it up a little － new linens? curtains? artwork change?

. . . springtime & sunshine, & hoping both show up sooner rather than later.

so, what are you thinking about today?
& if you've got thoughts about what' i'm thinking about,
then please feel free to share!

image source: real simple.

monday morning.

2011-02-21T00:00:00.004-06:00

monday morning.
a perfect opportunity to remind yourself
of why it's going to be a fabulous week,
a la dr. maya angelou:

. . .
i say,
it's in the reach of my arms,
the span of my hips,
the stride of my step,
the curl of my lips.
. . .
i say,
it's in the fire in my eyes,
and the flash of my teeth,
the swing in my waist,
and the joy in my feet.
. . .
i say,
it's in the arch of my back,
the sun of my smile,
the ride of my breasts,
the grace of my style.
. . .
now you understand
just why my head's not bowed.
i don't shout or jump about
or have to talk real loud.
when you see me passing
it ought to make you proud.
i say,
it's in the click of my heels,
the bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
the need of my care,
'cause i'm a woman
phenomenally.
phenomenal woman,
that's me.

that's you, dear reader.
phenomenal you.

wishing you the phenomenal week you deserve.

image source: the my hero project.

a sad celebration.

2011-02-18T11:00:00.087-06:00

mentions of american journalist lara logan's
"brutal & sustained sexual assault & beating"
during last week's egyptian celebration
of the resignation of president hosni mubarak
have been haunting me all week.

to my embarrassment, my primary reaction
is to hide from such harrowing news,
somehow secretly hoping if i don't see it,
then it can't see me.

but like a toddler's inept game of
eye-covering hide-n-seek, i eventually realize
just because i'm not following the story
or reading about it or talking about it
[or, yes, blogging about it]
doesn't mean it's not there.

oh, it's there. it happened.
& in egypt, & hundreds of places like it,
it happens every day.

maybe not to a well-known, high-profile,
60 minutes correspondent.

but to women who, just like her, are
daughters, sisters, wives, mothers.

human beings.

sexual assault, sexual harassment,
even killing of women by male relatives
for perceived violations of
their culture's harsh moral code,
are all common happenings in egypt.

interestingly, during the revolt
against mubarak & his government,
women reported cairo's tahrir square
became a sort of safe zone
free from such patriarchal atrocities.

sadly, once the uprising was over,
the bad behavior resumed.
a new day was dawning for the country,
with the same old cruelties still intact.

the revolution to change egypt's government
lasted 17 days.
the movement to change egypt's culture with respect to women
will last much, much longer.

so, here's the glimmer of hope:
lara logan was rescued from her attackers
by a group of women & about 20 soldiers.

blessings to ms. logan as she continues to heal.
& even bigger blessings to those brave women,
as they continue to rescue & protect each other,
struggling & striving toward treatment
appropriate to mothers, wives, sisters, daugters.
human beings.

image source: people.com.

happiness is a tackling puppy.

2011-02-16T10:00:00.068-06:00

or 43 of them.

or a squad of cheerleading chickens.

or an itty-bitty blimp commandeered by hamsters.

or a disco kitten half-time show.

what? you've never seen the puppy bowl?

well, sadly, you missed this year's opportunity
just ten days ago . . .

maybe you were distracted by christina aguilera's
flubbed anthem lyrics
or the black-eyed peas' preview of
'tron, the musical,'
or the hilarious commercials
or the lame commercials
or the cheeseheads losing their minds.

regardless, if you missed
animal planet's puppy bowl vii,
then you missed a good [dog] game.

we watch it live & record it
for future viewings at our house.

my favorite feature is the water-bowl-cam.
cracks me up. every. single. time.

it's amazing how absolutely entertaining
it can be to watch a faux field full of puppies
just be puppies.

& this guy has the best job ever.

well, except for the "foul on the field"
doodie-pickup duty.

but otherwise, he gets to make calls like
excessive cuteness on the field
illegal napping on the field &
unpuppylike conduct
[though i'm never quite sure what
that really entails], &
of course, touchdown!!

puppy bowl vii's mvp, c.b.
[cute boy? canine ballplayer?
charlie brown? citizen band?]
seems wistful with his win,

& frankly, we're feeling wistful, too,
with the realization we've got
a whole year to wait until
puppy bowl rolls around again.

happily, one can procure
dvd versions of
puppy bowls ii, iii, v, vi & vii
[why not i & iv, i don't know]
to help you hold on until the
puppies bowl us over again next year.

image source: animal planet.

celebrate the everyday － february.

2011-02-15T09:00:00.021-06:00

good golly.

here we are, mid-month,
& i've yet to properly welcome february,
the longest shortest month of the year.

ah, february, when . . .

. . . the city of st. louis was established [1764]. meet me there, louie!

. . . levi strauss was born [1829]. with good genes.

. . . the battle of the alamo began [1836]. remember?

. . . the first adhesive postage stamps were introduced [1842]. glue, be gone!

. . . george washington gale ferris, jr., inventor of the ferris wheel,
was born [1859]. wheeeee!

. . . outdoorsman l.l. bean was born [1873]. for real!

. . . zeppo marx was born [1901]. with the name herbert.

. . . aviator charles lindbergh was born [1902]. lucky!

. . . the u.s. supreme court upheld the 19th amendment, which guarantees
the right of women to vote [1922]. um, yeah.

. . . the tomb of egyptian king tutankhamen was unsealed [1923].
spooky cool.

. . . lisa marie presley was born [1968]. unh-hunh-hunh.

. . . the beatles' album hey, jude was released [1970]. yay!

image source: irene suchocki/isphotography @ etsy.com.

skirting the issues.

hello, monday.

what's your musical taste?

mama bear jewel.

mount everest parenting.

live pregnant bears.

before & after: the laundry room.

liza, judy & mario.

before & after: the guest room.

holiday 2011 debrief: the get-real edition.

welcome back, mates.

claus with pause.

'tis a season.

obama likes girls.

cure-walkin.'

monday morning mirth.

what i've got.

awww & awe.

say yes, say no.

hello, monday. {linkup!}

a teen mom.

set your dvr!

this i believe.

3 women 4 peace.

deb & abb.

tuesday morning gratitudes.

hard to do.

riding in cars with dogs.

one day at a time.

when september ends.

your best day.

four-legged hope.

au revoir, amc.

love over fear.

loving. hopeful. optimistic.

full of awesome.

who we are.

just be you. be just you.

relentless summer.

awfully smart for a dumb blonde.

an extraordinary first lady worth remembering.

44.

wasted.

four more days.

a cabaret chanteuse worth remembering.

great cogitations.

c'mon. get happy.

name that blog.

happy independence day.

new views for blogs.

three little words.

a couple of swell finds.

e.r.a.gain.

finding contentment in imperfection.

self-compassion = key to success.

hello, summer.

summer system, 2011.

little boy moments.

her last master class.

oh, prah.

hello, monday.

mother's week, continued.

oh, bama.

mother's week.

tune for today.

a week ago.

a day ago.

friday funny for you.

wills + kate.

a tina, tiny prayer for all our daughters.

dreamy slash sensible.

the new wonder [how she'll keep her top up] woman.

if i were to approve a tatoo for my child, then it would need to read thusly.

a trailblazer worth remembering.

why i blog.

a monday kind of gratitude.

helping keep austin pets alive!

the hokey pokey is *not* what it's all about.

a violet-eyed fury worth remembering.

everyday awesome.

the hokey pokey is not what it's all about.